


The Personalities of James Buchanan Barnes (ON HIATUS)

by Nephalem67



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Hydra (Marvel), I Think This Is Not Comedy, I lied, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Sorry, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert, Romantic Comedy, The Winter Soldier - Freeform, Universe Alteration, i love dramas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-01-23 08:17:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 43,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18545881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nephalem67/pseuds/Nephalem67
Summary: James Buchanan Barnes has a secret only his team knows. He has Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), also known as Multiple Personality Disorder. What happens when he accidentally meets the reader who seems to be the trigger of his personalities?





	1. James

**Author's Note:**

> I always think of Bucky and The Winter Soldier as two different characters. Same goes with the 1940s Bucky. This is just an MCU universe alteration wherein Bucky is an avenger. I decided to be experimental, so expect a rom-com with a splash of drama. Also, I’m not a native english speaker, so be soft and gentle with me.

You know each personality of James Buchanan Barnes.

Your first meeting with him is an accident. It's not supposed to happen, yet it did. It was as if the three sisters decide to rewrite fate last minute before the original plot begins, and it goes like this:

You pant.

You are supposed to find the woman who escaped with your purse. You stumble when someone hit you. _She had to go to a fucking bar._ You squeeze through the packed crowd, cringing at the alcohol and sweat stink.

You look around for a sign of her existence when the familiar glint of her lustrous bracelet gives away her location. You smile deviously as your eyes met, making her mouth move fast as she nervously focuses her sight on the man she's chatting with.

_Ugh, that bitch._

"Ms. Vanessa Retton!" You shouted.

Vanessa points at you, still talking to the man. The man tilts his head at you-- probably because he finds you weird, but who cares?

 _Well, his form is handsome..._ _No! You bet he's ugly up close._

You are busy clashing your thoughts when you notice her retreating form. "I can't believe that bitch!"

You hurry out the crowd, ignoring the way your clothes twisted by how crowded it is.

"Retton! Vanessa Retton!"

You make eye contact with the man before deciding that your purse is worth more than a one-night-stand.

 _Wow, as if you can get that man in your pants anyway._ _For all you know, Retton could tell him a fishy rumor about you._

You reluctantly break the contact, and are about pass him, but you feel a pull that grabs you two steps back. You glare at the owner of the hand, only to realize that it is _him_! Now, you don't know whether to be glad or mad.

_Your purse is worth it more._

_No, you can earn the money back, but not the experience with this sex-on-legs man._

You push your tongue against the back of your teeth. You lift your eyes to his ones. _Holy fucking molly. His eyes are electrifying._ You feel as if he electrifies you especially in the lower half of your body. Your gaze drops from his eyes to his lips which are slightly parted.

You gulped.

"I won't let you hurt her."

_Wait, what?_

Your brows furrow as you process his words. _Hurt her? Who's her? Ugh! Vanessa Retton!_ You snorted.

"Who? Vanessa Retton? You know how dangerous she is? She stole my purse!" The man doesn't seem to believe you for his brows create the same furrow.

"You're lying."

Now, the mood is completely ruined.

"Huh, me?" You pointed to yourself. "Lying? Ahuh, feel your pocket. Tell me if it's still there. You're one dumb--you know what, I don't fucking care, but I don't have a lot of money, so let me be!"

"No, I don't think so--" Before you know it, your balled fist fly to the side of his face.

You take a few steps back, afraid that you'll get punched too. You are shocked when he ducked.

"Look, dude, I didn't mean to. I was surprised so--" You inhale. "Dammit!"

With a guilty heart, you leave and run as fast as you could, wanting no more than to catch that little witch.

___

You put your hands in your pocket as you walk in the dark alley. The night is still young and chilly. You slow your walking, and decide to hum a little bit-- maybe even add a little dance.

You are humming and dancing to Tifanny's [I Think We're Alone Now](https://youtu.be/w6Q3mHyzn78). It's a song that gets your body move. You close your eyes and circle to the phantom beat when your eyes open and end on a dark shadow at the end of the dark alley.

_Oh, my fucking god. Is this a horror movie?_

You are about to run when a light shine on the shadow's form. It's the man you in the bar. You let out a relieved sigh.

_Thank Christ!_

You wait as he nears you, your heart beating a little faster every step he takes closer to you. Eventually, he reaches you. You look up, meeting his stormy gaze.

"Look, about earlier, I wasn't thinking-- no! I was, but my purse got Rettoned and it got my paycheck for fifteen days. You don't want to spend the rest of your days starving, do you?" You sheepishly smile. "I'm really sorry!"

You hold your head up even when you feel embarrased of what just happened. It doesn't help the fact that he's staring you down even when you finished talking. You feel awkward under him, so you deal with it the way you're good at at times like these. You do the good ol' running away.

"Ciao, Adios!" You duck your head, cringing at yourself.

_Really?_

"You."

You froze at the sound of his voice. Slowly, you turn around, pointing to yourself in question. "Me?

He looks at you intensely.

_Holy Molly... Is this the start of my love story?_

You start to feel small under his gaze, unconsciously playing with your fingers. Your stomach feel as if it's rotating. What are those called? Ah, butterflies in the stomach.

_Is he going to say I called him out?_

"You called me out."

_Fuck, shit. He did!_

_I'm starting to believe he's the leading man in one of the chick flicks I watched, and I'm his leading lady!_

You tremble, shaking your head to the side. You don't want to show him that he has that effect on you. At least, not yet. You want to play a little hard to get to challenge this sex-on-legs man. You fake a cough, pulling your stern mask out.

"No, I didn't." You raise your brow when he takes steps to you.

"Yes, you did. A long time ago."

_Okay, now, what did he mean?_

_Is this some kind of riddles? I'm not good at riddles!_

You let out a nervous laugh. You put your hands up to your chest level while taking backwards steps. "I'm pretty sure I just met you."

He opens his mouth as if to say something when another voice breaks in.

"Hey!" A man in all black called. "Give it back."

Sex-on-legs man turns his body towards the direction of man in black. "I have nothing to give."

"I see you want the hard way," Man in black whistles. "Boys, beat this man real good."

_Okay, so why did my romance became action? This was supposed to be romantic with the empty hallway and night sky!_

_Why is this happening?_

You look back to the scene, seeing man in black pressing into sex-on-legs' personal space. Sex-on-legs just looks back intensely to man in black.

_I think I'm in the wrong film... This is bromance!_

You don't know what happened after their intense eye-fucking. All you know is that sex-on-legs is flying and making others fly, and man in black has a tube-- you don't know how he got that-- in his hands and he's making his way towards sex-on-legs who is occupied with other men attacking him.

You panic. You don't want to get in the fight, but you want to help sex-on-legs. You look around for an object you can throw when your eyes land on a small rock. Its presence in a location like this is miraculous. You will find it funny when you're not in a situation like this. Without thinking much, you run towards it and throw it to man in black.

Or supposedly...

Sex-on-legs pauses, looks around, and glares at you. _Oh, no. I accidentally threw the rock at him!_ You flush before drawing a finger behind him. "Behind you!"

Time stills as the tube connects with sex-on-legs' head, making a loud ringing sound. Even man in black seems is shocked because he dropped the tube, making another uncomfortable sound out. You watch in horror as blood starts to trickle from sex-on-legs' head. Sex-on-legs starts to wobble, before falling face first to the ground.

Man in black smirks. "Looks like you're weaker than you look."

And like an exorcist movie, sex-on-legs stands, terrifying not only man in black and his friends but also you. You watch as sex-on-legs repeatedly connects his fist with man in black's face before going on with his friends.

When the mayhem is done, you find sex-on-legs in front of you again. He wipes the blood that is close to his eyes before focusing back to you. His lips tug upwards, making you stare at him in shock.

_I can't believe this man!_

Just when you think he can't get any weirder, he grabs your wrist. His fingers linger on the watch you have as he looks back and forth to you and the watch. You duck your head in shame.

Seconds feel like minutes when you have a beaten, attractive man looking at you as if you're the most beautiful woman he has ever laid his eyes on. And when you think it can't get longer, he speaks.

"Remember, November 27, 2018, at 11:30 p.m., I met the woman I want to protect for the rest of my life."

Your mouth falls open at his words.

_No, this can't be! I just met him, for fuck's sake!_

It's as if Frozen's Elsa whispers directly in your mind.

_You can't marry a man you just met._

You try to pull your wrist back, but sex-on-legs won't budge. This must be a prank. You look around for potential cameras recording.

You laugh.

"It's like you're asking my hand for marriage!" You're still laughing when you look at him to find his straight face. "Are you?"

He just looks still at you.

"Oh, my God!"

You forcefully get your wrist out his hand that still won't budge. Sensing your discomfort, he reluctantly lets you go. You immediately run from him, turning around and putting your hands st your chest level in some kind of a warning.

"Stay back!" You shout. "I will punch you again if you don't do as I say!"

You scream when instead of obeying you, he does exactly the opposite.

_What is this man doing?_

"No, no, no!" You shout. "Stop!" You commanded, looking at him in the eye.

"T-turn around." You say, circling your index finger. Your eyes widen when you saw him following your order.

_Oh, so that's how he liked it. Kinky._

You shake your head, chasing the thoughts away. Your feet seem to have a mind of it own for before you know it, you are running towards the road, and hailing a taxi.

You open the door, hurry in, and let out a relieved sigh when the car started moving. You told the taxi driver your address, and settle yourself on the back seat. You lean your head back and close your eyes.

_What an eventful day._

Though, not five minutes later, you hear a roar outside. Someone driving a motorcycle is trying to get himself killed. You shake your head. You decide not to care before relaxing again.

"Why's that man getting close to my car? Trying to get himself killed and make me pay for him?" You hear the taxi driver mutter.

Your eyes shot open. You look to the side to see sex-on-legs driving a motorcycle. What scares you is the fact that he's looking back at you! You don't care about the taxi driver going deaf.

You just scream.

___

You bang the taxi door, shouting a quick, "Sorry!" to the taxi driver. You don't wait for the sex-on-legs to park his motorcycle. You run to the building, but he has your wrist in his grip again.

You turn to him. "Why are you following me? I'm sorry for the punch and the rock, okay? Let me live in peace!"

"I'm James."

Your mouth falls open. You can't believe this man!

"Well then, I'm Y/n. Nice to meet you. Bye!" You shake your arm hard, trying to lose his grip. "Let go!"

You're sure there's fire in your eyes now, but it soon banished when you look at his face. He's still bleeding, and he looks like your dog when you have to go to work but it doesn't want you to go.

How can you resist such a face?

You sigh, before dragging his arm. You guide him to your apartment where you had to rip away your dog from him. Your dog seems to take a liking to a man he just met like you did.

_Why do I keep comparing my dog with everyone?_

You notice blood on his palm. There must be a wound on his right palm.

"Take off your clothes." You say as before you leave the living room to retrieve your first aid kit in the bathroom.

You wash your face and dry it, all while looking at your reflection in the mirror. You lightly punch the side of your face. You want to know if you really have a man in your apartment in the living room. What if you wake up and figure that all of this was a dream?

Will you be sad? Disappointent?

You sigh before grabbing the first aid kit bag and make your way to the living room.

"James, I--"

_Holy Mother of Christ!_

_He literally took his clothes off!_

"What? I followed your order. I took my clo--"

"Get dressed!" You shout, throwing the first aid kit bag to him.

You make a beeline towards your bedroom. You can't do this anymore. That man is impossible! You feel a familiar ache between your legs. That damned body. It's as if God sculpted it himself.

You can't help but wonder about his left metal arm and his shoulders, though. It doesn't make him less attractive, but make you wonder what happened to him to have those many scars. Is it because he was abused as a child? Maybe, he's like John Wick. John Wick has many scars because of his...

_Oh, my God. No, no, no, no! He's not... He's not..._

_He's an assasin?_

Your mind is flying as you change your clothes. You sit at the edge of your bed, taking your head with both hands. You can only take few in a night.

You don't know how you moved from your position. All you know is that you are now treating James' wounds, and that he is clothed now.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to a hospital?" You look down to him.

"No. No hospital." He answers, his eyes staring you down that makes you uncomfortable and anxious.

"Can you-- Can you lower your eyes?" You ask in a small voice.

Asking him to lower his eyes is worse than having his eyes on your face. He is now eyeing your chest. You hurry treating his wounds before taking steps back from him.

"Can you drive back home?"

He looks at you. "I am home."

Oh, my God. Can this man stop?

"Ha-ha! Very funny." You make a face.

"Who said I was joking?"

"Okay, now, now, you're taking my hospitality for granted," You hit his arm. "Out, out! Off you go!" You push him out to the door.

Before you can close the door to his face, you find yourself in a position you seemed to be in this night. He's staring at you like he can see through your soul. You never think that a man can. It makes you shiver.

"Please, remember me." He begs.

You mentally scoff.

_How can I forget him? Especially with that entrance and all his shenanigans._

"Why won't I?" Your retort goes deaf to his ears. Instead, he puts his hand on both sides of your head.

"I am James. A man with the same face, but with different eyes and name is a fake. There is only one with this eyes." He seems desperate-- too desperate that you can't bring yourself to fight back.

Then, he faints.


	2. He Sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought he is the leading man of your love story. Well, he was, for like two hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wOaH! Back again with a new chapter so soon? Something weird must be going on with me. I don't really have a steady update schedule, so I hope that the next chapter would be just like this.

You didn't know how you moved from your position. All you knew was that you were now treating James' wounds, and that he was clothed now.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to a hospital?" You looked down to him.

"No. No hospital." He answered, his eyes staring you down that made you uncomfortable and anxious.

"Can you-- Can you lower your eyes?" You asked in a small voice.

Asking him to lower his eyes was worse than having his eyes on your face. He was now eyeing your chest. You hurried treating his wounds before taking steps back from him.

"Go out with me."

_Huh?_

It seemed like you spoke it out loud because James replied with the same words.

You almost laughed. You couldn't believe that someone was asking you to go out with him while you were treating his wounds.

_How crazy can this man be?_

"So?"

Oh, he was waiting for your answer.

_Wait... What should I answer?_

"When?" You tried not to stutter.

"This morning."

You looked up to him. You were sure your eyes were as wide as saucers. "For real?" You squeaked.

He nodded cooly. He knew his effects on you, and you were sure he was enjoying it.

 _Damn this man_.

"As long as you're paying." He hummed, satisfied with your answer.

"Can you drive back home?" You asked with a final touch. You looked at your creation, and you were glad that his wounds seemed better now.

He looked at you. "I am home."

Oh, my God. Can this man stop?

"Ha-ha! Very funny." You made a face.

"Who said I was joking?"

"Okay, now, now, you're taking my hospitality for granted," You hit his arm. "Out, out! Off you go!" You pushed him out to the door.

Before you could close the door to his face, you found yourself in a position you seemed to be in this night. He was staring at you like he could see through your soul. You never thought that a man could. It made you shiver.

"I'll pick you up at seven," He said. "Please, remember me."

You mentally scoffed.

How could I forget him? Especially with that entrance and all his shenanigans.

"Why won't I?" Your retort went deaf to his ears. Instead, he put his hand on both sides of your head.

"I am James. A man with the same face, but with different eyes and name is a fake. There is only one with these eyes." He seemed desperate-- too desperate that you couldn't bring yourself to fight back.

Then, he fainted.

Or you thought he would.

He put his hands on the wall for support. He gave a lopsided smile as if to show you he was well. He held your hand, bringing it close to his face and kissed your knuckles. He leaned in to and kissed your forehead before disappearing without you noticing.

You looked down at the note in your hand you didn't notice him putting.

_Meet me at Paul's._

_-James_

You rolled your eyes.

_I thought he's picking me up?_

___

Anymore longer you were sure the manager would throw you out.

You had been drinking water and refilling water for an hour. James was still nowhere to be found. You stirred the liquid with the straw, eyes flickering to the counter where the staffs were looking at you with both pity and annoyance.

_Great. Now they think my date dumped me._

Weren't you?

You groaned in frustration before waving to a waitress, ordering. You looked at your watch.

8:53 A.M.

_Fucking wonderful._

They served your order fifteen minutes later, and you wasted no time diving in. You didn't realize how hungry you were until the first bite. That bastard starved you.

In the middle of your meal, a waitress approached you.

"Ma'am?" She called softly.

You eyed the waitress, waiting for a reason why she disturbed your eating.  The waitress' face flushed red. She bowed and mumbled an apology which you discard with a wave. You smiled at her.

"Whoever he is, he's not worth it. He's blind not to see your beauty! You're one of the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on," She put her hand on your shoulder. "Don't let him get to you, and live happily and in content for that is the most effective revenge. Show him that he's nothing more than an idiot."

You gaped at her retreating form in shock. Were you that obvious?

_I swear to God if I see that man again, I will gouge his eyes out!_

You finished your breakfast in a hurry, thinking that theembarrassmentt was enough for the morning.

You fished your bag for your phone. _Oh, my God. I'm going to fucking kill you, James!_ You almost threw your phone in frustration. You ran into someone, but it didn't face you. You continued your march to your apartment. You regret asking for a day-off.

___

"Wait... So you're telling me he dumped you after only two hours of meeting you?"

Your friend, Kim, howled.

"He didn't dump me!" You cried out on frustration. "I know it's a bad idea to tell you about that guy!"

"What?" Kim wiped the tears that gathered in her eyes. "He didn't show up in your date. Of course, it's called dumping! He left you alone in air. _Alone in air_."

You pulled her hair. "Stop!"

"I'm never going to live this down!" Kim held your hand holding her hair, still cackling. "Wait-- Ow! Stop! It hurts!"

With one last hard pull, you let go of Kim's hair. She pulled a face before grinning like the Mad Hatter.

"I'm going to tweet this!"

You just looked at her. It was a lost case. Kim couldn't be stopped. She was a walking tornado.

"By the way, I'm going to change your name a bit and leave his name untouched, okay? So that when he reads this, he'll know it's him, and maybe-- just maybe, he'll ask you on another date and show up this time."

___

You scowled.

You stood with your arms crossed over your chest as your companions huddled together over a ring.

One of your friend's boyfriend contacted you. He asked what your friend, Bianca, would want for a ring. You could only watch as Kim went on for hours about what Bianca likes and not. He called an hour later, requesting help in finding the perfect ring.

"I think she'll like this!"

"No! I don't think-- no offense intended, he can afford this. That diamond is so big and it's going to be heavy. Lauren doesn't like heavy things, especially on her hands!"

"Okay, okay, calm down! I'm sorry, okay? I didn't read the prize."

"Yeah, whatever."

You pressed your tongue to your teeth. You stared at a necklace that costed more than your life-- at least, at the moment. It was a gold necklace with too many twirls to your liking. It had small diamonds in every twirls.

"You like it?"

You jumped in shock at the sudden voice. It was Sam, Lauren's soon-to-be-fiancè.

You composed yourself quickly before flashing him a rehearsed smile. "No, It's too pricey, and what would I wear it for? God knows I'll sell it to a pawn shop after seconds of wearing it."

Sam opened his mouth to say something when another set of voices cut through. He gasped.

"Come now, capsicle, I'm a genius, billionaire--"

"-- Playboy, philanthropist, yeah, Tony. You don't fail slapping it to our faces every chance you got, but you're not a professional jeweler, aren't you?"

You gaped in shock at the men entering the jewelry shop. You saw their faces often on the internet and sometimes in paintings and posters you see outside.

_It was them. The Avengers._

"Whatever. I can still make Pepper one on my own without being a 'professional jeweler'."

Tony Stark stopped for a moment when he saw you. "What you lookin' at, kid?"

_You, duh._

You turned the other way to avoid their eyes, seeing Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America sending you an apologetic smile in your peripheral vision. You hear Stark talking to the manager about the 'most expensive ring'.

"You know what, Cap? I don't know what I'm doing here, but I don't know what _he's_ doing here more."

"Watch what you're saying, Wilson. He's a part of the team and our friend."

"But what are we doing here really?"

"Helping Tony find a ring?"

"Look, he's got Rhodes in his ass. Plus, he's doing it either way, so I don't know what's the point of bringing us here."

"Moral support, maybe?"

"He can support himself."

"Why don't we call the whiney soldier here so he can do his moral support better than standing outside like a guard dog?"

For a reason, you heart started beating fast. You clenched your fist, trying to distract yourself with the shining, glimmering, splendid jewelries.

"Sam--"

"Nah-ah! Don't give me that fatherly voice. We both know I mean no harm. Whiney soldier! Whiney soldier, come here! Cap wants to talk to you!"

Curious at to who 'whiney soldier' was, you subtly looked, though you wished you didn't.

Standing there at the entrance was none other than James-I-met-the-woman-I-want-to-protect-for-the-rest-of-my-life-and-I-dumped-her-two-hours-after-meeting-her. You smiled-- even laughing through the confusion of your disbelief with how the three sisters played their strings again.

You shot daggers as he went in, making him narrow his eyes to you before walking straight to the group. Not a smile, grimace, or anything a normal man would give to a woman he left at a date he initiated? It was almost as if he was wary of you.

You felt a nudge on your side.

"He the one?" Kim whispered, eyeing _James_. You rolled your eyes as an answer.

"Dude, you just got dumped by the winter soldier!" She whispered-yelled. You swore you saw James' eyes widened and you wished it wasn't because of what your friend just said.

_Oh, my God, can you give me the strength to carry on throughout the day?_

You pinched Kim's side, earning a yelp that you quickly muffled. You look at James in your peripheral version. You caught him eyeing you in confusion before immediately turning to Steve Rogers as if feeling your look on him. You ignored the thumping of your heart as you pulled Kim to your other friends who were talking with Tony Stark. You almost groaned out loud. You let go of Kim's wrist, performed a human U-turn, and ran out of the door.

You found yourself in front of a bathroom mirror. Your phone buzzed, showing Kim's name and her text.

_**They just left. Good luck making the winter soldier suffer. Just make sure to tell me the details once you get home, k?** _

Your fingers tapped against the flat screen.

_**Where are they going?** _

Another buzz.

**_Shawarma House._ **

That was all the answer you need.

___

You awkwardly smiled to people who gave you a look as you shamelessly stood at the side of the entrance Shawarma House. You didn't even know what kind of demon possessed you for even thinking about it.

You were sure the Avengers were suspicious of you now. Why wouldn't they be? You entered the place once to steal a look for a certain brunette, and when you did, you met five pair of eyes looking back at you. Honestly, if they put a gun to your face, you wouldn't be surprised.

_I feel like the ex that had the nerves to break the relationship and come back running a week later._

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket.

_**W** _ _**e t** _ _**ook a picture w/ those avenger dudes!** _

**_p.s. ta_ ** _**ke the winter soldier in your bed and chain and marry him so that i'll have a whole set of collections.** _

You snorted. _As if I'll allow him to touch me in any way._

_You'll definitely do._

_Wait..._

_Did my mind just contradict me?_

You groaned.

_Damn you to hell, James whatever-your-last-name-is._

You decide that whatever you wanted with James wasn't worth it anymore. If he wanted to contact you, apologize, or anything, he would have done it. He showed it when he didn't show up at the diner. You shouldn't have chased after him like a desperate ex.

___

"Why were you following us?"

"I'm sorry. I think you got the wrong--"

"I'm pretty sure we got the right person." The black man, who you recognized as the Falcon, towered over you.

Then, your eyes widened as realization dawned on you. "Oh."

"Oh, indeed." You gave him a look. "Tell me why you're following us."

"I'm not following you!" You raised your hands up as a surrender. The Falcon gave you his resting bitch face. "Okay, yes, I was following James, but I swear not all of you avengers."

It seemed like a wrong answer because he pressed his fingers on the black thing in his outer ear, muttering words that would put you in more shackled position.

"Steve, this girl right here was following vanilla ice-- no, she didn't say anything about-- yeah. She looks innocent, though. She's a good actress-- yeah."

He turned to you, a weary look visible on his face.

"Come with me, princess."

_So much for a talk with the two-hour leading man of my love story._

You hated how you had to follow him like an obedient dog. You were quite liking your trip from the interrogation room to God-only-knows-what room. Sarcasm obviously implied.

If someone said you would walk hands cuffed with a man gripping your arm tightly, you would have laughed. You still probably would have laughed, but only mentally. They were the avengers! As far as you knew, they didn't kill innocent people, but were you even one in their minds?

You swore you just wanted to have the talk with James.

Why did it have to be so difficult to do so?

___

"This is bad."

Tony Stark and the Falcon were having the laugh of his life. Captain America, too, seemed amused but hid it well and turned to _platonically_ pat his best friend on the back in a kind of teasing way. Black Widow was smirking on her cup of coffee. Hawkeye was leaning on his back, letting out a chuckle. The Scalet Witch was silently chuckling while the Vision seemed confused.

"I mean, this is _really_ bad." James said, earning another set of laugh.

"I know, man! I thought you were all suave in the forties. I get the seventy years gap, but you're really poor in social skills," Falcon wiped his eyes. "You can't even tell her you're not interested in person! You just shook her off!"

You glared at the man, not wanting his way of speaking with you. Falcon returned the glare with a wink.

"I'm sorry, but is this really funny to you?" You spoke with annoyance visible on your voice.

"I haven't laughed that hard in a while," Tony Stark smirked. "By the way, what even did you see in this-- iced gloomy guy?"

James glared at Tony before returning his gaze on the ground, crossing his arms over his chest.

You took in air. Okay, you really did need to calm down.

"I don't think you all understand." James stood, putting his hands on top of the table. "The winter soldier is active. Who knows what damage he'll do the next time he takes over my body?"

_Wait, what?_

_What damage? What takeover?_

James turned to you. "Look, I'm really sorry about what happened. Whatever he did, I didn't mean it. Forget everything. Forget we met. Forget I existed." He stalked towards you. "I'm sorry you had to meet me, but promise me you'll speak to no one about what happened. _Please._ "

There was _the_ look again.

The same look that he used when he begged you not to forgive him. Now, he was begging you to _forget_ him?

Unconsciously, you nodded, earning a relieved sighed from James-- you weren't sure who he was anymore.

You saw the team turned grim as they circled around the table, throwing looks on you and James. They seemed to be conversing about something, but you didn't plan to eavesdrop. Not when you were humiliated so much in one day it could last for a whole year if it were a supply.

 _James_ escorted you out the Avengers tower, giving you to the man who introduced himself as 'Happy'. You'd do everything to feel his alias for the day. You entered the car, watching as _James_ watched the car speed off until you couldn't see him anymore.

You gave Happy your address, and he seemed to know his way around because he just nodded and took a shortcut you didn't even know existed. You conversed with him about literally nothing. He questioned you about why you were in the tower and such. You had to lie because the humiliation was enough for the day. The ride with him was too great that you didn't notice him stopping in front of your apartment building.

"Thanks." You nodded to Happy that he replied with the same action.

You watched the car drive away into the honking road of New York. You kicked the closest thing to you-- which was air, that got you almost falling face first on the ground. You groaned loudly and pulled at your hair.

"This day fucking sucks!" You screamed, kicking air. "James sucks so much his mother almost threw him back his father's testicles!"

You continued your tantrum, not noticing men drawing near you. Once you did, the men stopped all at once, probably scared by how ugly you looked because of anger. 

Anger then turned into fear as the men regained back their shock and stalked to you.

"Nobody come near me!" You immediately ran, taking off one of your sandals, pointing it to the men.

_I've had enough! Can't these men kidnap me later, or something?_

"I swear if you come near me, I'll slap you with this thing so hard you'll cry running to your mama." You threatened.

"I don't think so, little girl."

Black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that's the end for the second chapter, and yes I added something on the last scene of he first chapter. Problem?
> 
> jOnK. 
> 
> As I said earlier, I'm experimenting (expect more of those now that you know). Also, I've never written fanfiction about MCU characters other than Bucky and Loki, so I think they're OOC in this chapter. If you could help a writer out and point my mistakes, that would be lovely. 
> 
> Adios, for now ;)


	3. Jeffrey's Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're kidnapped because of your two-hour leading man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at summaries!!! Anyway, I apologize for the late update. I don't wanna encounter spoilers about Endgame.

"Where is the jacket?"

_Huh, what jacket?_

The man-- who you recognized as the man in black, scowled at you. "Don't try to cover for him, little girl. That damned love will do nothing in this rotten world."

_Cover for him? Who's him?_

Finally, it dawned to you that who and what he meant was James and the black leather jacket he wore the night you first saw him. Now, the question was why would they suspect-- _oh_...

_They think I'm in a relationship with that-- with that bastard!_

Memories of that night flooded your mind.

_"Take off your clothes."_

_"James, I--"_

_Holy Mother of Christ!_

_He literally took his clothes off!_

_"What? I followed your order. I took my clo--"_

_You screamed._

_Never did you had a man standing before you naked as the day he was born carry a confidence like James did!_

_Your screaming didn't faze him at all. He even got a smug look on his face._

_"Get dressed!" You shout, throwing the first aid kit bag to him followed by the closest thing you found which was his black leather jacket._

Oh.

_"Hey!" A man in all black called. "Give it back."_

_Sex-on-legs man turns his body towards the direction of man in black. "I have nothing to give."_

_"I see you want the hard way," Man in black whistles. "Boys, beat this man real good."_

OH.

If you could groan, you really would. But the action was difficult to do especially with a cut of adhesive tape on your mouth. Did you forget to mention your hands were bound behind your back? You were sure you wouldn't be able to feel it properly after you got out of the bonds-- if you would ever will. _I can only hope to God._

You were sitting at the center of an abandoned warehouse. _Wow, I thought real life kidnappings are different from those in movies and series. I guess I'm wrong. They're just as dramatic._

Their leader, the man in black, was losing his temper as seconds passed. He continued aggressively rubbing the side of his face as he turned to other members of his gang with a snarl.

"You! Make yourself useful and track down that son of a bitch," He spat. "He's going down."

You stomped your feet, moving your lower half as much as you could. The leader didn't even bat an eye to you. Your eyes twitched in annoyance. You started to trash, earning irritated looks from the other members of the gang. You screamed against the tape, even going as far as to wet it with your saliva. But all you received was another cut of the tape, securing the first one.

"Be quiet, or I'll do something you won't like." The leader hissed as he added another cut.

You glared up to him. You hoped that he didn't see a flash of fear in your eyes, because you felt goosebumps crawl up to the back of your neck. You would have gladly survived dramatic tortures, but not a-- not a sex--...

_Oh, my God! Why am I even thinking about it?_

Thinking about it, it was common and natural for people to think about sexual abuse in a situation like this, especially with the words he just spoke.

"Come on, boss, why won't you let us play with her?"

You froze.

You closed your eyes, praying to whatever god that they wouldn't do anything you were just thinking they would.

"And what? Waste your time with her when you should've been training? You saw what that guy did!" The leader raised his voice. "Did you fools even have a mother? Tch, what a fucking disgrace on earth you all are."

Okay, you were certainly not expecting those words, but something inside your chest jumps. He got your respect for that speech.

The leader turned to you. "Now, now, don't go looking all happy. Just because I decided not to harm you now, doesn't mean I wouldn't in the future. Call your boyfriend and make sure he brings my jacket with him."

At the mention of the jacket, your head perked up. You stomped your feet again, hoping that he would let you speak. The leader, however, mistook it as panic. He sighed, dialing the number again.

"Twenty minutes left, lover boy. Bring back the jacket, or your girlfriend dies."

___

Bucky literally dug through the clothes in James' box. All while muttering words like, "I have to save her", "Damn you, James", "What the fuck did you take?", and the typical "If something happens, I'll never forgive you."

Steve was standing by his door, watching his best friend search like a maniac.

"Are you sure you don't want is to come?" Steve asked.

Bucky shook his head. "No. James and the others are my responsibility, not yours, not team."

"We could help--"

Bucky felt a throbbing pain at the side of his head. He pressed his palm on top of it, all while hoping that it would somehow go away. Steve was quick on his feet. He was by his friend's side the moment Bucky's palm went on his head.

"Did they tell you where they took her? You can stay while we-- Buck! Buck, are you okay?" Steve lightly slapped Bucky who had his eyes closed. Steve felt the weight of his friend on his arms.

Bucky passed out.

Steve swore. He was about to get up when Bucky's eyes suddenly opened. He sighed in relief.

"How are you feeling, Buck?"

Bucky's eyes narrowed before changing into a happy one. He stood, not caring about his friend's hold on him. He quickly went to one of the many boxes in the room

"Wonderful!"

Steve nearly jumped out of his skin. He rubbed his temples, swearing under his skin. Another personality was out.

"I thought them kids burned my things," 'Bucky' turned to Steve.

"You again? What are you doing here?" 'Bucky' walked threateningly over Steve. "You here to burn my things? You want the head of my gun in your ass?"

"No, I swear I--"

"Wow!" 'Bucky' dramatically clamped his hands over his mouth. "The golden boy of America just swore! It seems like you ain't who you tell us you are."

"No, Buck--"

"Boohoo! I'm not your boyfriend. I'm Jeffrey Hanz. Jeffrey Hanz. Get that in your golden mind." Jeffrey walked past Steve to the box. He pulled out a polo.

"Perfect!"

Steve watched as Jeffrey pulled out a floral shirt and changed in front of him. It was normal changing in front of each other in the forties but now, he couldn't help his grimace as he caught sight of the large scar on his left shoulder.

Jeffrey studied the room. It was so long since he last saw the room and every time he saw it, everything changes. He was pulled out when he felt a vibration from his pocket. He irritatedly pulled the phone, answering without reading the contact name.

"Twenty minutes left, lover boy. Bring back the jacket, or your girlfriend dies."

It was silent for a few moments before Jeffrey let out a laugh that instantly stopped when he spoke.

"How dare you threaten me?" Jeffrey darkly muttered. He listened for a moment before shouting.

"And you took something that's mine! Look at it, we're even!"

Steve decided to interfere with the conversation.

"By the way, what even is that I _took_ from you? I bet it's nothi--"

"Hanz."

"Shut up, golden boy-- nothing compared to what you took from me."  
"Hanz, please."

Jeffrey raised his hand to stop Steve from speaking as he listened to the other line.

"So I have to be there? What? You'll kill her? Pfft, as if you have the guts to. Bye-bye!" Jeffrey ended the call.

Jeffrey hummed to himself as he buttoned his shirt. He tamed James' unruly locks as he eyed Steve in the mirror.

"Who is she anyway? Your boyfriend's girlfriend?"

___

"What the fuck is wrong with that guy?"

You looked at the leader who ground his teeth together. He looked ready to snatch James out from the phone.

"Why, boss?" A member asked.

"He kept talking like a different person each time!" The leader looked at you. "What did you find about that guy?"

You shook your head as the leader spat insults to 'your boyfriend'.

"Cavin! Lead the training! Make sure you're all ready when he comes." The leader commanded before leaving the room.

The men murmured after the door where the leader went out. They all seemed to be hesitant about the whole plan.

_"He's the one that took it from the big boss, why's he dragging us with him?"_

_"Really? No wonder why he's 'bout to piss himself."_

_Oh, my God. This is unbelievable._

"Enough!" A man emerged to the center. _He must be the Cavin guy._

"We all know I'm the strongest one here. I didn't see the man in action, but _boss_ said he's stronger than me. I doubt that." Cavin said with distrust.

_This fucker's gonna cry blood._

You couldn't wait to watch James gut the guy. 

"Come on, split around me. Yes, that's good. Okay, okay, I'll count to three then you'll all come to me at once." Cavin received doubtful looks which you knew he refused to see.

"One, two, three--" The men around Cavin went all at once like he said, but before they could get another step to him, he cried. "Wait, stop!"

His voice sounded like his own parents resent him.

"Why are you going fast and furious? He's slow as fuck! Go again, but this time, slower!"

_Pathetic._

You could feel secondhand embarrassment coursing through your veins.

_This is unbelievable. They're unbelievable. He's unbelievable._

Just then, a motor roar sounded. It drove dangerously fast around the circle before the driver jumped off, sending the motor to the men who quickly ran off another way. You noticed the thing behind the driver's back. _Holy shit. Is that a machine gun?_ The driver took off his helmet.

Your eyes widened. _  
_

_James?_

James had his back to you, but he was standing protectively in front of you. He aimed his machine gun towards the group who backed away in fear. He held the machine gun in one hand while his other rested on his hip. He raised an eyebrow at the cowering group.

"Speak fast and clearly," James pointed a finger to a gangster who shakingly stood on his feet. "Where's your boss?" He grabbed the gangster's neck.

"I don't know!" The gangster fell on his behind shortly after the words left his mouth.

"Nobody's gonna tell me?"

No one, even Cavin, spoke. The gangsters were dumb and pathetic, but they were loyal. James was looking down and fixing his left sleeve. It was silent. "I'll count to ten, and give you time to escape my sight. You better run fast and hide before I go all-out with this chatterbox!"

"One."

Running.

"Two."

More running.

"Three."

Pushing.

"Four."

Cursing

"Five."

More cursing.

"Six."

_Screaming?_

"Seven."

You swore you heard someone call their mama.

"Eight."

Did someone shout 'stop'?

"Nine."

You were sure they were praying to God or summoning Satan by now.

"Ten."

Fuck, shit. You were scared too.

"Should've hidden better," James clicked his tongue. "I can smell your filthy souls, you cracked eggs."

James walked to where a gangster was poorly hiding. He pointed the machine gun to the poor soul. He feigned regret. _Okay, I don't wanna look at this._ You closed your eyes, waiting for the bang.

Instead of a bang, a [silly, horn sound came](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4k7jBpkNpis). It was familiar to you. You swore you heard it on cartoons when you were young. The question was, why the hell did you hear that? You opened your eyes.

Apparently, the sound came from James' 'machine gun'. Even James was surprised by what happened. He slapped the thing.

_I'm dying because of secondhand embarrassment here._

"Why didn't it work? What did I do wrong? Maybe it's--"

James didn't finish his verbal confusion. Cavin hit his head with a tube that left the former unconscious. He ushered the other to beat James even though he already passed out.

You struggled out of your binds. You kicked your legs up in the air. You pushed your feet and body up. You wanted to shout,

_I have the fucking jacket!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just watched the Endgame yesterday with my family, and damn, child, it was so good! 
> 
> The jacket our Bucky wore at the end of tge movie is the jacket. Huh? Okay... 
> 
> If you're upset about what happened in the Endgame, just remember that we can twist the reality. There are fanfictions already, just waiting to be read.


	4. Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all ends with a bang.

"Why didn't you say earlier?"

"I did, but you kept taping my mouth." You glared at Cavin who was fiddling with your cellphone. You were surprise it still didn't die yet.

Cavin ignored you. "Pin."

You hesitantly told him your pin, and watched as he tapped on the screen. He was looking through your contacts. He dialed Kim's number, making you sweatdrop. He knelt in front of you, holding your phone up. You could only pray for a miracle as your cellphone rang.

 _"Y/n! Where the hell are you?"_ Kim's voice sounded.

Your tongue itched to tell her your wherebouts; to call the police, but the knife pointed at your neck neared. You gulped. Cavin was looking at you sharply.

_"Y/n? You 'kay?"_

With a glare to Cavin, you answered. "O-of course! Why wouldn't I be?"

_"I don't know! Maybe try waking up without a breakfast and go out to find your best friend's handkerchief."_

Your eyes widened. Shit.

"Are you sure it's mine?" You asked, though you weren't looking forward for her answer. "By the way, did you see a black jacket there?"

_"You mean the one your boyfriend left?"_

Cavin gave you a pointed look. You shook your head, denying your relationship for the millionth time. He rolled her eyes before nodding up as a sign to continue talking.

"He's not-- yes. Can you bring it to me?"

 _"Wait, I'll look if I can sneak out,"_ Kim paused. _"But w_ _here are you exactly?"_

"Pa--"

_"Shit! Y/n, I've got to go! Lady boss is looking for me."_

"Wai--"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Cavin tossed your phone to your lap. It almost fell, but thank the physics because it stopped on your upper thigh. You opened the gap between your legs, swallowed the phone in the gap, and close it again. You looked up at Cavin.

"Give me your fucking address."

You didn't want to worsen his mood, so you gave your address with a heavy heart. You could only hope that Kim wouldn't be home by the time the gangsters came. Though it was unlikely for her to come, you couldn't help but still wish for her safety.

Looking back at Cavin, you took in his leather jacket with spikes on it. He had an earing on his left ear, and he sported a narcissistic aura. When James pointed his toy gun, Cavin hid in the back like the coward he was. Like you thought earlier, _pathetic_.

The gang wasn't that notorious. In fact, they seemed to be new in the underworld. You doubt they even knew what they were getting their self into. They were led by man in black who was currently nowhere to be found. According to what you heard, he was the one their big boss appointed despite objections, especially from Cavin's.

You figured why they were desperately looking for the jacket James stole. It didn't take an idiot to figure that it had drugs and names of people they were support to hunt.

Why James stole it was beyond your knowledge.

"You!" Cavin pointed to the guy James grabbed earlier. "You're going to guard these two."

"Only me? But, si--"

"No objections! Me and the rest will find the jacket." Cavin straightened his jacket. He leaned down to you, pressing his lips close to your ear.

"If I were you, I'd break up with your insane boyfriend." He whispered. He gave you one last look before calling the gang out.

The guy that was on the guard duty rolled his eyes before stepping out and locking the door outside.

You looked at the unconsious man beside you. Now that you thought of it, he kind of reminded you of an insane person. Every time you saw him, it was as if he was another person. _Wait, what?_

_Can it be?_

_\---_

_"I am James. A man with the same face, but with different eyes and name is a fake. There is only one with these eyes."_

_"Please, remember me."_

\---

_"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened. Whatever he did, I didn't mean it. Forget everything. Forget we met. Forget I existed." He stalked towards you._

_"I'm sorry you had to meet me, but promise me you'll speak to no one about what happened. Please."_

_\---_

_"I'll count to ten, and give you time to escape my sight. You better run fast and hide before I go all-out with this chatterbox!"_

_"Should've hid beter," He clicked his tongue. "I can smell your filthy souls, you cracked eggs."_

\---

Every time you met him, it was as if you were meeting a stranger. The warmth in his eyes changes. It was like looking at the eyes of a desparate child, an anxious man, and a war veteran. Not to mention about the way he spoke and moved.

_Agh!_ _This man is making me crazy!_

But even if he drove you crazy, you couldn't deny that you felt inspired every time your eyes landed on his form. A novel formed in your mind just by looking at him. The man with the metal arm. The man with too many scars on his body. The man who had been--.

A groan escaped James-- his lips. You weren't sure what to call him. You watched as he slowly opened his eyes, then tensed when he realized the situation he was in. He wildly looked around, and you slightly backed away by the intensity of harshness in his eyes when you caught it. His eyes stayed on you for a moment before softening.

He recognized you.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly. "What did they do to you? Did they torture you? Please, tell me what happened."

The softness in his voice, the warmth and coldness in his eyes that hid his anxious story, told you that this man was the anxious man.

You only stared at him, bewildered but at the same time, taken by the man's beauty and misteriousness.

Your stare might had been too much for him. He broke his gaze on you, and work to the tie that bound his arms. It was only a matter of time before he was out of the binds, quickly getting on his knees to untie you from the chair.

His touch was soft and gentle as if he was afraid that you would break once it landed on you. You felt your arms go free. You asked the most stupid question anyone could ask.

"How did you do that? Get out of the binds, I mean."

He stood, slightly grinning down to you. "You forgot the part that I'm an ex-assassin. We're trained to do these kind of things."

To be honest, you didn't know that.

You were of modern world, but it was as if you were a woman out of time like Kim said Captain America was. It was a common knowledge. Captain America and his friend, Bucky Barnes, were taught in history subject. But you didn't even remember they existed until Kim came and explained with patience.

You didn't dare voice your thoughts. You just let it swam in your head until it reached the void.

You stood, eyes still on the man who felt like he was a burning candle. He rubbed his hands on his pants before turning to you.

"I have a plan."

___

_You stared at the cloth in your hands._

_You were too flustered to notice he didn't have his jacket when you rushed him out. Your emotional and proud side debated with your logical and kind-hearted side._

_After he didn't show up with a date he arranged, you grew irritated with the existence of the man that even just thinking about him irritates you. You thought he was special. You thought he wasn't like the other men. Well, you thought wrong._

_"Remember, on November 27, 2016, at 11:30 p.m., I met the woman I want to protect for the rest of my life."_

_You groaned._

_Fuck, shit! Leave me alone, James!_

_"Y/n, come here! Help me choose what to wear for my blind date tonight!" You heard Kim called from her room._

_You balled the jacket before dumping it in the trash can._

_____

A scream tore from the room you were in, caused by none other than you.

You laid on the ground on your side and closed your eyes, pretending to be unconsious. Your heard the door bang open before the sound of fist connecting to jaw. He nudged you.

"Hey, the guy's out." He whispered.

You quickly stood, grabbing his sleeves. He seemed surprise by your action, but you pretended you didn't notice. He led you out of the room.

"I'm sorry you have to get caught in this." He muttered.

You stopped walking. You pulled on his sleeves, making him stop. You looked at him.

You saw the seven seas in his eyes. His eyes were pulling you deep. It was a breathtaking shade of blue, yet just like the seas, it contained danger. You barely saw calmness. He was more than an anxious man. It was as if he had the world on his shoulders with how tired his eyes were.

"Why?" You asked.

"You got kidnapped because of me. If you hadn't met--"

"Why are your eyes like that?"

"Like what? I don't feel anything. How does it look?"

"Like you're carrying the world." His eyebrows creased.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Nevermind." You walked past him.

_I can't believe I said that! It was so awkward. And his face... Oh, my God, his face. Cong-fucking-ratulations, Y/n. You made things awkward._

You heard his footsteps beside you. _Calm down, girl._ You walked in silence side by side. You told him that no one other than the guy he knocked out was in the abandoned warehouse. Still, he walked with tensed shoulders as if waiting for the moment to be attacked.

Your eyes widened when you saw the motorcycle he used for his grand entrance. You instantly pointed to it. He followed your finger. His eyes widened too when he saw the motorcycle. You swore you saw a slight spark, but it was gone as soon as you saw it.

He mounted the motorcycle. He started the engine before looking at you.

You stood with your arms over your chest. You shook your head. You were enchanted with him, but you thought you weren't ready to ride with him yet. You knew you were being immature, but you were still placing the pieces together.

You didn't want to be near him when you finally solved the puzzle. It would either be good, or bad. It would either be harmful, or beneficial. It would either be poisonous, or neutral.

He dismounted the motor. He stalked to you, so you instantly ran backwards.

"Stop!" He stopped moving, just looking at you with confusion in his eyes.

_Does it still work?_

You could only find out if you try it.

"Don't move." You pointed to him. "Now, turn around and ride the motor out this place."

You put a strong facade. You shocked even yourself by how strong you sounded. You stared each other down, not one daring to move. Slowly, he turned his back.

_Oh, my god. It still works!_

It was short-lived. His shoulders shook. He breathed before letting out a half-suppressed laugh. It quickly escalated to chuckle.

_Is he making fun of me?_

"I'm sick of playing pets."

It was a whisper that the wind carried to your ear. For a reason, you shivered by the amount of concealed emotions.

"I'm sick of people telling what and not to do."

You wanted to say something. You really did, but your throat was drying at the moment. You couldn't even form a proper sentence in your mind.

"I'm sick of people treating me like a fucking slave."

He turned to you. This time, his eyes were blazing.

_What the fuck happened? What do I do now? What do I do now?!_

You were panicking.

You watched as he pulled something out from his pocket. It was a gun he stole from the guy.

Your eyes widened.

Bang!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day? Holy shit. It was kind of short, but it's a chapter but it's short so it's a short chapter. Also, a friendly reminder that I totally live for comments. Like, I'll look at my inbox and almost shout in excitement when I see a comment. 
> 
> What do you think, lovelies?


	5. Got Me Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months' a long time.

_He was kneeling on the ground._

_He clutched his head between his hands. He could feel her ghostly presence beside him. He could smell the stench of blood that covered his hands. It smeared in his hair, and on his face._

_"I-- I can't stop it," He breathed. "I'm sorry."_

_He was apologizing to a departing soul, yet he wanted a reply. He wanted to know if what he did was right. He waited, and waited, and waited, but he didn't hear her soothing words that caress his ears and mind._

_He gave a loud, piercing cry._

You closed your laptop and yawned. You gently rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand. You stood from your chair and headed out of your room. Kim winked at you before giving you a cup of coffee.

"What's up, gorgeous?" Kim leaned on the table, watching you settle on a chair.

"Deadlines. The chief editor wants it as soon as possible." You downed the lukewarm coffee.

Kim winced as she watched you down the coffee like a trapped man in the dessert would to water.

"It's Indecipherable, right?" Of course, Kim knew, but she hardly heard you talk these days.

You hummed as an answer, before going back to your daydreaming phase.

It had been three months since you last saw James. Three months since you got home and found your dog dead. You nearly fainted back to the hospital when you found the state of your apartment.

Your apartment was a complete mess. There were broken shards in every corner you looked. There was a pool of blood that belonged to your dog. They made sure to smear the blood. But most importantly, some of your documents were missing. You didn't know what they needed for it. You were more paranoid than usual because, for all you know, they could be using it to frame someone-- you for something they did.

You called the police, but they were little to no help at all.

Although you didn't admit it out loud, you longed for a pair of certain blue eyes to look at. You wanted his mysteriousness. You wanted to learn more about him, but you couldn't see him.

_Your body felt like it was on fire._

_You could barely move your fingers an inch. You were unconscious and conscious at the same time. You couldn't open your eyes, but you were conscious enough to know that you were in a room. A hospital room to be exact, judging by the constant beeping of a machine._

_It was silent, except for the machine, for a moment, before you felt a light touch on your forehead. It moved down to your cheek._

_Whoever was touching you might be afraid of breaking you. But the touch disappeared._

_You wanted to feel the touch again. You needed to feel the touch again._

_"I'm sorry." The voice was manly, though it was cracking. Was he crying?_

_James?_

_He's definitely James. There's no one drowning in self-pity as him._

_"_ _I'm sorry you had to get shot because of me. I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I'm sorry you had to go through these things because of me."_

_What? None of it is your fault!_

_You wanted to drill that inside his head, but you had no strength to._

_"I promise that from now on, you ain't never gonna deal with me. You won't see me, not even my shadow. I'll completely disappear."_

_What? I don't want that._

_"Goodbye, Y/n."_

_Please, don't leave._

_You wanted to reach to him._

_You wanted to tell him that you didn't want him out of your life. You wanted to beg him not to walk out of your life because as shameless as it sounded, you grew attached to him in three days._

_Yet, he still walked out._

_It was up to destiny now whether you two would cross paths again. You wished that the three sisters would take responsibility for what they started._

Or he wouldn't let you.

You had no guts to walk in the Avengers Tower like you were a part of it and be like, "Hey, everyone. I want to talk to James and straighten things out because as much as I hate to admit it, I like that son of a bitch."

Every night, you contemplated whether to call his number which you didn't know you had. You would lay on your bed and thought of how things would go if you had never met him. Your life would probably be bland as it was, but simpler. You wouldn't drown in your dreams in his deep, blue eyes.

Yet, you couldn't imagine a life without him.

You abruptly stood, startling Kim who was drinking her tea. You smiled in apology.

"I have to write!" You sang out as you left the room.

___

You smiled at the guard.

After years of going to the same building, they knew not to question your presence. They grew used to it.

They didn't know that you were reginaproserpina. The very same author who was respected and well-known despite not giving your identity away.

You were known as the president of a fan club, your own fan club, who had meetings with the chief director about the events regarding works of reginaproserpina. Of course, it was a thing the chief director told you to do as to not raise suspicion.

You went to the elevator to go to the chief editor's office. You tapped your foot on the ground, a habit you had when you were nervous or doing nothing. You patiently waited for the elevator door to open. Your mouth itched to narrate your new novel.

You ran out as soon as the elevator dinged. You didn't bother knocking. The knew the chief editor was expecting you anyway. Still, it didn't stop the jump the chief editor let out when he heard the door bang open.

"For the sake of baby Jesus, Y/n, can you not?" You sheepishly smiled and sat on a chair in front of his table.

"I'm finished!" You singsonged.

The chief editor smiled before sitting on his chair in front of you.

"Tell me about it."

That was all you needed to hear. You went with your novel.

It was a story of a man, Michael was his alias, who had trouble sleeping ever since he was a child. He would trash in his sleep and mutter. He would even wake up in the middle of the night. It was affecting his report card, so his parents got help from a professional who advised continous intake of sleeping pills. It worked for almost two decades before eventually coming back.

When he was a child, he didn't remember his dreams at all. He just remembered being upset before forgetting like he always did. But now, he remembered a woman. He did not know her face, but he knew her voice like the back of his hand. He thought nothing of it until he found portraits he drew and painted without him knowing. Desperate and burning with curiosity, he sought the woman in his dreams. He went home early to spend a longer time with the woman.

Slowly, the dark room in his dreams became brighter. He could now see the figure of the woman he talked with. He was elated, but he was shocked when he saw the woman's clothing and state.

"Why? To be continued." You leaned on your back and smirked at the frustrated face of the chief editor.

"It's good as always, but if you continue cliffhangering me, I'll push you off one." He rubbed the side of his nose.

"Why, though? It would be a big waste seeing as I'm--"

"The reason we have another building, yes. You can shut up and forget it. We're the company who publish your works." You cocked an eyebrow to him.

"There's plenty of companies who are offering triple the pay." You shrugged. 

"Yes, but I'm the reason your precious identity is not yet revealed." The chief editor mirrored your shrug. You noticed the ghost smirk on his face.

"Next time I'll get you, William Shookspeared. Just you wait." You stood, pointing a finger to him.

William rolled his eyes at your nickname to him but didn't say anything. He gave an insulting fake laugh.

You put your hand on your heart, looking at him with feign hurt.

"You have a very bad sense of humor, mister!"

"Says the one who called me 'William Shookspeared'." William smirked.

"You should be happy! It's an honor to even be called in Shakespeare's past tense surname."

"I don't want Shakespeare. I want Edgar Allan Poe."

"May I inform you, sir, that they worked and are known for in different form of literature?"

"So?" You hit William's arm at that.

You both chatted and teased each other on your way out of the building. If you were asked, you didn't want to go home yet. You wanted to spend the day with William more, but his duty called. After all, who were you compared to his work who you suspected he was married to?

You hailed a taxi to Paul's.

You grew quite fond of the place because you hoped you would find James there. No, totally not. It was because you liked the food and the company of the staffs. It wasn't because of James.

_It's not because of James._

You threw a smile on Minie's way. She was the waitress who approached you three months ago. After that, she couldn't bring herself to face you, but you told her that what happened was fine and that you would like to leave it behind. She seemed confused at first, but she didn't question you.

Minie quickly went by your side and guided you to a table. "What's going on today, Y/n?"

"Nothing besides the usual, so _boring_." You emphasized boring which made Minie giggle.

"Well, I hope you'll find someone who'll spice it up," She winked at you. "Would you like the _usual_?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"The usual for our dear Y/n!"

You shook your head for her action but you couldn't stop the smile from appearing on your face. You played with your fingers as you waited, every so often shamelessly eavesdropping on others' conversation. You learned about one's problem with her in-law, the typical girl college student problem which was their studies _and_ boys, and one's problem for falling in love with their fuck buddy.

You wished you could have problems like theirs. It was easy to deal with. Or not. Whatever. You decided to entertain yourself with your phone for a while.

You heard the door bell, but you didn't tear your gaze from your phone. _I didn't notice the bell before. Y_ ou heard a girly giggle that your attention in your phone lessened. It was piercing to human ears. You gripped your phone tightly.

_Calm down, Y/n. It's bad to hate on someone you don't even know._

You heard a waiter assist them to a table, and for all the love of God! That woman couldn't seem to stop giggling. You went to your gallery and looked at your favorite character's picture. It did its work and managed to calm you down again. You continued scrolling through memes and other photoshoots of your favorite actors and actresses you saved on your phone.

Minie came back with your order. You put your phone away and looked at her, but her eyes were trained on something else. Your eyebrows furrowed.

"Why? What's wrong?" You followed her gaze.

You saw a gorgeous brunette with a brunette man. You couldn't see the man's face but his form was familiar. All you needed was for him to slightly turn his head and it would confirm your theory. He turned his head, giving the woman a lopsided grin. Your heart ached at the sight of him. 

You laughed in disbelief.

_It all makes sense now._

He was with someone else this whole time. You doubt he even checked on you when you were confined. You were actually considering the Falcon's words now. After all, he was a man out of time. How could he know of modern culture seeing as how much it evolved from the forties?

"That woman's so lucky to have him," Minie grinned down at you as she settled your orders on the table. "He's drop-dead gorgeous." Her grin died down upon seeing your crestfallen face.

"What's wrong, Y/n? You feeling sick?" 

"Yeah, I don't feel so good," Your head was pounding lightly. "Can wrap this for a takeout?"

"Of course." Minie replied. She looked at you worriedly before disappearing back in the counter.

You fought back the tears threatening to fall from your eyes. It was pathetic. You didn't even have the right to feel and act this way. You took a shallow breath before curling one side of your lips a little.

_He got me good._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *excessively waves* So I'm back again with another chapter, though I think I'd take a long time to update the next chapter. 
> 
> It's getting kind of hard to write this fic if I'm being frank. I'm doubting myself. Am I doing this right? Is it too corny? I don't know. 
> 
> Anyway, Indecipherable Dream is actually an original work of mine. I developed the idea two years ago and I am nowhere near writing it down. I don't think now's the time to write such a complex thing like that. Also, reginaproserpina literally translates to "Queen Persephone".


	6. Magical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a magical night.

"How about this?"

You felt a soft, round thing land on your face before bouncing down to the ground. You knelt to pick up the wolf plushie. You pressed it against your chest.

"He is so fluffy." You grinned.

"Do you like it?"

"Nah," You threw it to the man in front of you. "I like my dog better."

The man caught the plushie. He sat and turned his back to you, still holding the plushie.

You crossed your arms over your chest. You put a foot forward and leaned back on the other. You waited for the man next tactic.

Slowly, he turned and rested his chin on the plushie.

Okay, you finally accepted your fate. You would die out of cuteness that man and the plushie emitted together. You couldn't give in to him though, so you quickly composed yourself with a cough. You put your hands on either side of your hips.

"What do you want?"

"You."

_Oh, my-- can you stop?_

 

 **20** **HOURS EARLIER**

  
"He ran his pencil on the rough surface. He was desperate for a glimpse of a figure that he believed would somehow show by scrabbling like a mad man. Then, he accidentally created a hole that destroyed it all!" You laughed.

"Oh, my God, it rhymes!"

It was Wednesday night. The middle and the third greatest day of the week. But it was still weekday and there was still work tomorrow. You and Kim, however, found yourself agreeing to call out sick the next day and just enjoy each other's presence.

You were both drinking and telling life stories. You found out about her hots for a professor while she found out about your little act of rebellion by vandalizing a school cubicle. You were a bit boring when you were in high school, so that was all you could offer for ol' wild high school times. Kim was another story.

She was a seductress, and used to compete in martial arts tournament. If you looked at her now, you wouldn't suspect a thing about her being a martial artist. For the seductress part, it was definitely a yes. Oh, and she mentioned having a thing for older men.

Eventually, the subject became boring for Kim. She asked you to tell her about your novel. You gladly did, but you changed and joked about some details. 

"Don't get me wrong, your novel is cool. But if you continue cutting things off, I'll gladly strangle you myself." Kim pointed at you.

She was laying out on your bed with you. She had one leg on top of yours while you have one on top of hers. Your body shook as you laughed while the bed mocked your action and shook lightly as well.

"What can I say? It's a thing writers do."

You continued telling her about your novel until she yawned. "You can sleep if you want to."

Kim shook her head and smiled. "'M fine." As soon as she said that, her head fell on the pillow. The pillow made her eyes heavy with sleep she denied for the past hours.

"Fine, my ass." You smirked before letting yourself settle on the bed. You slowly closed your eyes.

For a minute, your mind was vague. You could still recognize and hear things happening around you, but it was all becoming hazy as seconds passed. You were nearly asleep when you heard a bang.

You immediately shot awake. You looked at your companion's form. She was still fast asleep. You heard a bang, and this time you wanted to sleep it off. You weren't ready for the paranormal.

You heard a bang again, this time it was quickly followed by more.

_Dear Almighty Lord, I know I'm not the holiest being to ever walk on this planet, but I swear I will do everything if you tell those ghosts to leave me alone!_

Apparently, the big guy was asleep. The sound still continued. With newfound courage, you walked through the apartment. You switched on every switch you found. It banged again, and this time, you knew where it was coming from. 

_The front door._

You inhaled.

"Piss off, ghost!" You hissed.

You carried the nearest object you found, which was a remote. You reluctantly opened the door, pointing the remote to it. 

"Tell me what the fuck is your problem and why are you knocking at one in the fucking morning?"

Your braveness turned to dust when someone took a hold of your wrist.

You nearly screamed, but the other hand was quick to cover it. You kicked your legs up. You feet momentarily left the ground because your handler bent and took you with him. You blindly reached backward and pinched before hitting his knee with the remote.

_I wished I knew Kim was a martial artist sooner so that I requested a free lesson._

"Stop fighting me." His voice was hoarse and _familiar_.

You pulled away from his hold and faced him.

"James?" You nearly shouted if it weren't for his hand that threatened to near your face again. You swatted his hand away before taking large steps away from him.

"Why are you here?" You stopped when you noticed he wasn't moving from his position.

"I came to see you." He almost whispered.

Thank the hour because it was almost quiet if it weren't for you and James' voices and breaths.

"See me? Why?"

"Because I want you." He sounded desperate again, like he wouldn't be able to live without you. _Bleh._

"What makes you think I do?" You nearly stuttered. Your heart was beating fast.

"Your heart beats fast for one."

_Wait, what? He can hear heartbeats too?_

_What is he?_

_A vampire?_

_Oh, so this is a supernatural movie then._

_But what about the Win--_

"Yes. Almost everything was enhanced when they injected Ba-- me the super soldier serum."

_Yeah, right. Super Soldier._

You cleared your throat. "W-- why are you here?"

"To take you to рай, моя королева."

 

**PRESENT**

 

"Just-- what are you trying to achieve here?" You asked.

James looked at your face first, examining, or memorizing it by the way he was looking at you before sighing. "Your heart."

_I won't fall for the same trick again!_

"I'm sorry, but I really need my heart. You know, to pump blood throughout my body and all. Besides, I quite like it in my chest." James seemed to take your joke seriously because he suddenly got wide-eyed.

"No! I would never do that to you." His brows furrowed as he looked down. He looked like he wanted to say something but doubted himself. He looked like a man in distress.

"Okay, okay, I know! I was just messing with you." You put your hands up.

The atmosphere went tense. It was so awkward and suffocating that you decided to break it even if it bruised a little bit of your dignity.

"Why?" You asked even though you knew you were practically digging your grave.

"Because you were-- are моя королева. You're the woman I love. I wasn't allowed to want anything, but I think my sacrifices are enough. I want you and only you."

_And I did fall for the same trick!_

You could hear your heart beat even faster than before. James was looking at you directly in the eyes while his contained a heart-melting adoration. It felt too good; it felt real. Maybe he wasn't lying.

"But I will not force you to do anything against your will," James stood and dropped the plushie on the table. "I will not force my love into your heart. I will drive you crazy that you will come and offer me your love."

He held your hand. "I do not know what it feels like receiving. I have never received anything in my entire life because I was not supposed to. All I want is your love," His eyes bore into you. "Will you give me your love?"

 _Wait, time freeze. I_ _think I'm gonna pass out._

Your legs shook. Before you knew it, it gave out. Thanks for James' reflexes you didn't sport bruises. Your head pounded, and he seemed to notice. Je carried you to the bed where you immediately passed out.

"I'm sorry."

 

**3 HOURS EARLIER**

 

"What the hell is this?"

You turned to James and gestured around the room. You walked in and explored the place. You opened every door and discovered that there was only one bed.

"Why is there only one bed?" You hissed.

James just looked at you and walked the other way. _Oh, so that's how you wanna play, huh?_ You quickly followed after him, bombarding him with questions.

"How do I know you're not a rapist? Don't rob me! I don't have anything else besides myself. Oh, why did those guys kidnap me? Are you a mafia? A member or leader of other gang? Oh, it's because you're an avenger, isn't it?"

James ignored all your questions, and stopped in front of a table. It was so sudden that you almost bump into his chest.

"I'm sorry." He blurted out.

You huffed. "For what? There's plenty you should be sorry for."

"For not coming when you needed me." His mouth slightly lifted upwards. It was so small that you wouldn't have been able to see it as a smile if you didn't encounter him before. You guessed it was foreign for him.

_Foreign how? And what does he mean not coming when I needed him? Maybe he's talking about the hospital..._

"It's okay. I'm not that important anyway." You shrugged.

You mentally cringed. How could you be so dramatic?

"You are my everything."

 

**PRESENT**

 

"Are we in Disneyland?" You exclaimed.

You never thought that you would be in Disneyland, especially with a man. Your eyes sparkled. It was your dream to be in Disneyland. Unfortunately, you were too busy with work. You didn't know that James was all it would take to come to Disneyland.

"Yes," James answered. He looked around.

There were too many people. It made him uncomfortable a little, but if it would make you happy, he was willing to go through it again and again.

You grabbed his hand and pulled him to the magical park with you. Your jaw almost dropped at the sight of it. It was lively and colorful. Your thoughts and worries dropped. You let yourself succumb to the magic of Disneyland.

James bought you the infamous Mickey mouse headband. You convinced him to wear one as well. He looked hesitant at first but he immediately nodded after your fourth 'please'. When he put it on, he looked at you as if to say, "I'm now wearing it. What would you like to make me do next?"

You almost pinched his cheek at his cuteness but managed to stop yourself the last second.

Then, you heard screams from the distance. You noticed the familiar boat-like ride. The Vikings!

You pointed the ride to James. You felt like you were abusing his kindness. You told yourself that it was to make-up for the kidnapping, so it released a part of your guilt. You didn't know where he got the money, probably from working as an avenger.

_Hah! Nevermind._

Five minutes later, you found yourself sitting with James beside you. You and the others were screaming because of the thrill while James just sat with his resting face. You nudged his side and gave him a look. He awkwardly showed his teeth.

_Oh, my God. Impossible._

You shook your head. You decided to just ignore him and have fun.

Thirty minutes later, you found yourself in a Ferris wheel with James in front of you. It was a slow ride and no one made an effort to talk between the two of you. It was awkward, again. You were starting to regret riding the Ferris wheel.

You decided to just pay attention to the colorful sight of Disneyland Park from above. It truly was beautiful. You were starting to get lost when James called you.

"Yes?" You were a little startled but still offered him a smile.

"Days without you in my life was boring," James stared at you with those longing eyes again. "I prayed that you are safe wherever you are. I wished that you would not meet me, but fate played us."

He was right. The three sisters played you both.

"I tried to stop myself from reaching out to you. I even slept and ignored his calls because I know that I will only bring you pain. But I also know that I have to make my love work for you, for us." His gaze dropped down before going outside.

"But I think the misery in my life is enough." His eyes focused on you again. He knelt in front of you, staring at you face to face.

You felt as if he was staring at your soul. It was too much for you to handle, so you turned your face to the side. You felt his hands on either side of your face and directed your gaze on him again.

You couldn't find yourself to speak. The words were all tangled.

"I think that it is time for me to be selfless," He kissed your forehead. "May I have you, моя королева?"

Unconsciously, you nodded. He smiled before slowly closing the distance between your faces.

When his lips touched you, there were fireworks on the background. Literal fireworks.

The moment was romantic. All you could ever ask for. You surrendered yourself to him, kissing back just as passionately.

However, you didn't notice the lone tear falling from his left eye.

_It was magical._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wOaH. 
> 
> I didn't actually expect to update this soon. 
> 
> Thanks to Anon465, Love This!, and others who continue supporting this fic. Your comments really mean a lot to me. It kind of reminds me that you guys are out there supporting me. Thank you again. 
> 
> Have a good day and remember to spread love, not hate.
> 
> Love lots <3


	7. Bucky Barnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cat is out of the bag.

"I think that it is time for me to be selfless," He kissed your forehead. "May I have you, моя королева?"

Unconsciously, you nodded. He smiled before slowly closing the distance between your faces.

When his lips touched you, there were fireworks on the background. Literal fireworks.

The moment was romantic. All you could ever ask for. You surrendered yourself to him, kissing back just as passionately.

However, you didn't notice the lone tear falling from his left eye.

_No, please, don't. Not now. I beg you, please._

His tears were now falling continuously

_Let me feel her lips against me more, Barnes._

James abruptly pulled away. He put his hands on both sides of his head where the stabbing was. You opened your eyes and immediately put your hands on top of his when you saw his state.

"James?" You cupped his face.

You noticed that his eyes were rolling at the back of his head. "James, are you okay? Can you hear me? James? James!"

James' eyes snapped shut.

_Damn you._

"James!" You gently slapped his face. "James!"

He opened his eyes, slowly letting it adjust to the surroundings. You breathed in relief.

"I thought I lost--"

"Why are you here?"

You closed your mouth. You crossed your arms over your chest and arched a brow. "May I remind you that you are the one who forced me to come with you?"

His eyes widened. "Miss Y/n L/n?"

"Back in full name basis?" You huffed.

_Seriously? What the hell is wrong with this guy?_

Thank the Lord you were nearly out in the giant wheel. Once the door was opened by the worker, you ran out. You were getting tired of his split-personality-like perso--

_Wait, what?_

You remembered his eyes. _The desperate child, the anxious man, and the war veteran._

So it was true then? No wonder. It would be the only explanation that would make sense. You stopped and turned where you were from _._ James was catching up to you with a panicked expression. You waited for him to get to you.

"Where are we?" James asked, frantically looking around.

Your eyes were burning with disappointment, understanding, and pity, but you pushed it out and pulled a neutral face. You took a deep breath before answering,

"We're in Disneyland Park."

James nodded before returning his concerned eyes to you. "Did I-- Did I force you to come with me here?"

You gulped.

"No, I was on vacation and you found me. Since we knew each other, we decided to ride the Ferris wheel together." You lied.

"Why were you mad earlier?" You knew he could tell if people were lying to him, but you still took the risk.

"Oh, it's because you said that you'll call me by my first name then you suddenly went miss Y/n L/n on me." You forced a chuckle.

He nodded, though you knew he didn't buy your story. He didn't mention a word about it. He observed the 'park' and noticed that the place resembled an amusement park back then on the forties. He remembered being so happy and dizzy with pre-serum Steve.

You noticed the change on his face. He looked like he a child that wanted to enter the toy shop but knew that his mother would be angry. Whoever he was now, you doubt he knew about the magic of Disneyland.

You smiled at him, making him look at you almost warily. You ignored his look and carefully grabbed encased his hands on yours. You gazed om his eyes. It was the same seven seas yoy missed. Your heart was beating wildly against your chest.

"Wanna go ride the Viking with me?"

___

 

You were almost back to New York.

_With him..._

After the eventful night, you led him to the room that 'he' rented for you. He was reluctant at first but after a few persuasions, he agreed.

He didn't rent other room and he disliked the thought of using Tony's credit card that he somehow got a hold of. He knew he was in for a sermon the second he got back. Besides, he wanted a familiar face. He was on his guard in new places.

Morning came as fast as a blink. You both boarded a flight to New York as soon as possible. _Using Tony's card._ You realized that you didn't have money with you when morning came.

Bucky knew that his friends were just one call away, but James threw both your phones out. According to you, it went like this:

_You gripped the back of your sit tightly._

_You could feel vomit collect itself in your stomach. You closed your eyes, trying to ignore the feeling. You blindly reached for your phone in your pocket when a hand swatted it away from your hold. You immediately opened your mouth and jerked your body up._

_You noticed the window beside you almost closing. You glared at James._

_"You fucking bastard! That's my phone!"_

_"I'll buy you a new one." He replied, not even looking at you._ _The bastard even sped up!_

_You dug your nails in the leather seat in frustration._ _You decided to make a very big risk._

_You took off your seatbelt and grabbed his phone on the backseat. You just opened the emergency contact when he threw his phone out the window again. You gasped and turned to him._

_"What the hell is wrong with you?"_

Bucky pulled a straight face throughout the ride. He was a man of a few words so almost every attempt at a flowy conversation went out the window.

Now, fast forward to the taxi situation with you.

Bucky was looking out the busy streets. It was almost noon. He admitted that despite being a super soldier, his muscles still ache from all the events that happened last day. He knew you felt the same because of the bags under your eyes, but you held up good.

"What is your name?" Bucky's eyes furrowed at the question. He turned to find you leaning on your back with your eyes closed.

"Bucky Barnes, Ma'am. I thought you'd never forget." He joked.   
You let out a tiny smile.

"Oh, trust me. I would," You opened your eyes and also turned to him. "But you go with so many names so I'm kinda confused what to call you now."   
His eyes widened. What did you mean by that?

You noticed he didn't utter a word. He only stared at you with cavernous eyes. You took that as a sign to continue.

"The first day I met you, you go by the name James. You were tough and beat like ten guys alone. You said that I'm the woman you want to protect for the rest of your life. So I got creeped out and ran away," You laughed. "Then you followed me with a motorcycle. You looked like you're in a movie scene, you know like-- when the bad guy escaped and the good guy chase him with a motorcycle?" You continued with hand gestures.

"You followed me up to my apartment building, so yeah, I-- uh, let you in because you're bleeding. I treated your wounds then you asked me out. You said to meet you at Paul's. I waited for an hour, but you never came. So that's the reason why I was following you the next day, but you knew about that." You shrugged.

"The second time I met you, you go by Bucky Barnes. You're apparently an avenger and also Captain America's best friend that history teachers teach in high school." You met the taxi driver's eyes through the rear mirror. He was clearly watching and listening to the two-- well, you. You narrowed your eyes at him.

"The third time I met you, you were like an old person. You speak world war two slang like you were in it. Oh, you were-- I mean, what I'm trying to say is that you're like my dad! You know, like a drunkard. Whatever." Bucky was now looking down.

"The fourth time I met you was yesterday, and I somehow knew you wanted me to call you James. You acted just like the first person I knew. For a reason I don't know, you're attracted to my pathetic ass. You kept speaking that tongue-twister language that I don't know what means," You sighed. "You're like a soldier."

At the word soldier, Bucky stiffened. You noticed his tensed body, so you reached his hand and smiled.

"No, no, no, no! Not in a bad way-- I don't even know what's bad in being a soldier, but in a good way! You're like a hero," His eyes looked up to you. He expected a trace of lie in your face. He was surprised to find none. "You're not afraid of anything, but you're secretly a child inside!"

"And this time, you go again by Bucky Barnes," You tightened your hold on his hand. "What's the reason?"

You were looking intensely at him he couldn't form a single word.

"I can't tell here." He managed to squeak out.

You nodded in understanding and sent a glare again to the rear mirror where you saw the taxi driver look again. The driver swiftly avoided your gazed and focused on driving again.

After eight minutes of eager tapping of fingers on your thigh, you were finally off. You crossed your arms over your chest as you patiently waited for him. Eventually, he got out of the taxi. He stood beside you and stared the taxi down until it was no longer in both of your sights.

"DID?" You blurted out before you could think of it.

_Damn my mouth._

Bucky looked taken aback for a moment. He let his body relax and took a deep breath before answering.

"Yes." He turned to you who was still staring at the direction where the taxi took off because you couldn't bring yourself to look at him.

"I wouldn't be surprised, honestly. At first, I thought it was bipolar disorder, but then the war veteran's behavior was nothing like the first or second time I saw you." You said.

It took Bucky a moment before he fully registered your words. "Wait-- do you make titles every time you meet me?"

You chuckled. "Of course, I do. At least, I would have something to call you when I'm like really really confused."

Bucky closed his once agape mouth. He let his lips mirror his emotion.

"I'm actually a war veteran. The soldier is, too. And Jeffrey. So who are you referring to?" Bucky was smirking.

Your cheeks flared in embarrassment. You turned to him, ready to defend your honor. "No, if you're really Bucky Barnes, then you're the anxious man!"

Instead of Bucky's smirk fading as you expected, it just widened.

"Why would I be? I got good looks for one." He raised a brow.

_A man who knows what he has is dangerous._

"Yeah, but you have DID, mister." You quickly covered your mouth. You looked regrettably at Bucky.

To your horror, he chuckled.

"Good one, good one. I'll make a mental note to train with Sam more often," He smiled at you. "So what's for the others?"

"I named James desperate child. He's begging every time we meet!"

"Begging for what?" He looked surprised. More surprise than you thought he would be.

"I don't know. Everything." You shrugged.

You really didn't want to tell Bucky. You hoped he would just let you go.

"Okay, but why child?"

"He snuggled a wolf plushie yesterday. Speaking of the plushie, where is it?" You asked.

Bucky shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe we left it at the hotel. I wish I could've seen it-- oh, wait. I don't wanna see."

You laughed. Bucky talked about James like he was the brother he always had a sibling rivalry with.

"The war veteran is obviously Jeffrey. He talks and acts like a grandpa. Wait-- If I'm not mistaken, you're a grandpa too."

You both shared a laugh. It was as if you were both a reunited longtime friends.

"What is your name?" You asked.

He looked down at you. His eyes had more warmth than it did when you last remembered it. He smiled, showing wrinkles beside his eyes.

"Bucky Barnes at your service." He tipped an imaginary hat.

"On second thought, Jeffrey is not the grandpa. You are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andddddd that's it! Bucky finally told the reader. End of the story. Bye. 
> 
> jOKe. 
> 
> There's still more personalities to come, and you're really going to love a certain personality. ;)
> 
> Should I write more in Bucky/other personalities' point of view, or keep it mysterious and filtered? 
> 
> henewey, have a good day. remember to spread love, not hate.


	8. Tamer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You tame 'the beast' inside of him.

You laid on your bed.

It was almost midnight. You waited for Kim to get home and explained your sudden absence, but you left all about Bucky out. After you got a free sermon, she instantly gave you a hug and asked about your stay. You lied and said that you were inspired by it and that you really needed it to continue the chapter you never thought you'd finish.

It was partially true. All your interactions with Bucky left you inspired enough to finish a whole novel. Now, you were quite sure you could finish a dozen.

You were thinking about the words he said before he left.

_"Again, I'm sorry you had to meet me," Bucky looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry you had to put up with my pathetic ass."_

_There it was again._

_"Do you know why I called you the anxious man?" You asked. "It's exactly because of that. You're constantly anxious and afraid that you're letting people down because you're ashamed. I'm going as far as to say that you're ashamed of your existence."_

_You confirmed what you said was true when Bucky glanced up and down again with a sad smile on his face. You wanted to comfort him but you didn't have enough right to do that. You wanted to hug the devil out of him. He didn't deserve that; nobody deserved that._

_"Why wouldn't I be? I killed people more than I've saved them." Bucky mumbled._

You ran your hand on your face. You didn't know what happened. Everything he pointed himself out at was things you didn't know. You really had to do your research.

You kicked your feet in the air and turned, so you were on your stomach. You groaned in frustration against the pillow.

_Bucky Barnes, why do you have to be so difficult?_

You pulled your laptop on your laptop and sat up. You opened it and found that you forgot to shut it down. You cursed. Just when you would write your frustrations off, you had to deal with a five percent laptop. You had no choice but to shut it down.

___

To say that you were nervous would put it lightly.

You just entered the Avengers Tower after receiving an email from the infamous Pepper Potts. It said that Tony Stark himself wanted to meet you and that he would like to see you as soon as possible. You naturally freaked out then told Kim the moment you recovered from it. She was more excited than you as if she was meeting him instead of you.

You rubbed your sweating on your pants. You were about to approach the receptionist when Pepper Potts greeted you. Your face immediately broke into a grin.

"Miss Pepper Potts, it's a pleasure to meet you." You held out your hand which she took.

"Likewise, Miss L/n," Pepper gave a small smile. "Come. Tony is waiting for us."

Pepper led you to the elevator. You hoped you did a good job concealing your excitement and awe. Everything in the Avengers Tower was a wonder. She was on her phone but you knew your excitement practically radiated off you.

After a while, you both were eventually at the top floor of the Avengers Tower. Pepper got off first because you nearly couldn't feel your feet. Your excitement backed away and now you just wanted to go home. You knew Pepper was amused by you. She didn't show it on her face but you could see the glint in her eyes.

You gave an apologetic smile when you reached her side. "Sorry. I just, uh-- can't feel my legs a little."

"No worries. As much as I don't want it to get to his head, it's a frequent reaction," Pepper smiled again. "But I heard you already met him."

You thought back to your first encounter with him. You mentally cringed. "Oh, yeah, I actually did. It's one of my worst first impression and believe it when I say I had many."

"Good day, Miss Potts." A robotic voice greeted.

Your eyes widened. Did that come from the speaker? If yes, then where was ir? You slowly pointed at the ceiling and looked at Pepper with your mouth agape.

"It's FRIDAY, Tony's super A.I."

You were pretty sure your jaw hit the floor by now. _This is some sci-fi good shits!_

You blinked thrice to get out of your trance and smiled. You could feel your blood jumping up and down. If you didn't slightly care for your dignity, you would've jumped. But you still had an image to uphold even though people didn't know you were a famous writer.

Pepper led you to a room which you assume was Stark's office. She opened the door and let you in before coming after you. You subtly studied the room, taking in the bar in the side.

Tony Stark was wearing a pair of sunglasses. He had his arms crossed over his chest as he stood leaning on a table. You figured he was waiting for you and Pepper for a while. He uncrossed his arms, put it behind his back and stalked towards you both.

You thought he was going to approach you first because he was looking at you but he turned to Pepper. You watched as they exchanged secret smiles. You resisted the urge to make a face at the tension between them.

_Cliché._

You were actually kind of jealous because you never experienced it with someone before. It wasn't the gag you were resisting now. It was the urge to cry and sit in the corner. You just realized how lonely you were in your life.

After lots of praying later, Tony Stark finally focused on you. He smirked. _Uh--oh._ You didn't like that smirk.

"I believe we've met, Y/n L/n," He pulled his sunglasses off. "How was Disneyland?"

_Shit, shit, shit._

"Mickey's still a mouse." You nervously laughed. It was quickly followed by an awkward one from him that seemed forced.

"How is the soldier?" Tony asked.

_The what?_

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I know you know exactly what I'm talking about, munchkin." He crossed his arms and raised a brow.

_He must know I know about Bucky's situation. But who's the soldier?_

"Let me clear it up for you then," Tony walked to his table and grabbed a tablet. He typed on it before continuing. "The soldier is one of manchurian candidates' alters."

_But who is the soldier for him?_

"That alter is known to be aggressive, ferocious, bloodthirsty, or whatever else that means violent. Aside from Barnes, the soldier's strongest personality. Heck, the soldier spent more time in Barnes' body than Bucky himself." Tony said.

"Excuse me, but..." You tried to object but in the middle of the sentence, you remembered Jeffrey's act the first time you met him.

You couldn't deny the bloodlust in his eyes that was gone the moment you saw it.

Tony looked at you as if he was daring you to say something. You shook your head as a signal to him that he could continue.

"As I was saying, the soldier was nameless. Unlike the other personalities, he's the only one who sticks by Hydra's name for him which are, you know, the soldier, asset, or the winter soldier," Tony shrugged. "So imagine my surprise when you came and said that he introduced himself as James."

_He's talking about James the whole time?_

Tony waved a hand in front of your face when you stared at an empty space. He looked relieved when you responded and gave him a bewildered look.

You still couldn't find yourself to talk, so you remained silent with your thoughts.

"When you're both in Disneyland doing God knows what, you kept him on leash. That's my first time seeing him calm because he attacks everything he saw whenever he comes out like a savage." Tony said.

_Wait... Seeing him calm? He was there the whole time?_

"He even follows your orders! So tell me, " He leaned his face close to you, looking at you straight in the eyes. "What's so special about you, beast-tamer?"

You instinctively backed away. Your eyes searched for Pepper who was silently watching on the bar stool. She was wearing a serious face that had you gulping in no time.

"N-nothing!" You raised your hands in front of you. "I'm just a writer!"

"Yeah, I know. I already checked on your profile and found nothing suspicious," Tony grinned. "Congrats on Murder Case. It's one of my favorites."

You didn't know whether to be mad, happy or freaked out when you found out that Tony Stark followed you and James to Disneyland and that he read your books.

"I don't know why you want mysteriousness. You should be credited for your works properly." Tony said.

"I just-- I don't want people meddling with my life." You replied.

Tony nodded in understanding. "Well, it gets pretty tiring sometimes but it's worth it."

"What do you want to talk about? You didn't call me here to rant about James, so what do you want?" You asked.

"You see, I'm tired of replacing everything in his room when he 'transformed'. Don't get me wrong, I'm a billionaire. I can easily replace all of that, but I still have some vendetta on that guy." Tony walked to the bar and stole a glass of whiskey.

He raised a second glass your way. You shook your head and watched as he shrugged.

"I want you to be his nanny." Tony casually said.

_Wow._

You huffed in disbelief and crossed your arms over your chest.

"Okay... I just-- I need time to take that in."

_Nanny? Be his nanny?_

_He's over one hundred years old! Why does he need someone to look after him? Besides, he told me that I should stay away from him. Well, it's not like Iron Man knows all. But... I think this is too much?_

_Ugh, I don't know!_

Your face might have mirrored the storm happening in your mind. You stumbled.

"Woah, woah! Take it easy, breath in, breath out."

Pepper quickly ran to your side.

Tony sent an apologetic smile at you which you reciprocated with a small smile. Pepper helped you find your balance, asking if you were really okay. She gave a glare at Tony before turning to you again and squeezing your hand.

"On second thought, you'll not be his nanny. Just his bodyguard, I guess?"

___

_"Everything they do reflects on me. I'd wake up and clean very mess they've made. It's kinda tiring if you're doing that for years." Bucky said._

_"But they're part of you."_

_"Yeah. Part of me that's broken."_

_"And broken things need fixing."_

_"I've been trying for years," His eyes looked glassy when it hit your vision. "I have sessions with my personal psychiatrist that Stark covers for me almost every day. I even prayed when I already believed that big guy up there abandoned me. I'm that desperate to mend my mind."_

_You reached for his hand but once he noticed what you were trying to do, he put his hands behind his back. You were discouraged. You just held your hands together and continued listening to him._

_"James once beat a man almost to death," Bucky's voice cracked. "I woke up on my bed when I'm sure I passed out in my bathroom. There was blood on my knuckles. That's when I discovered his existence. Turns out that the man was harassing a lady."_

_"Then James is a hero, just like you are."_

_Bucky didn't reply._

_"If I knew about that before, I would've hugged him and thank him for helping that lady." You smiled._

_"You shouldn't," Bucky's face was solemn. "You shouldn't. He's nothing but a cold-blooded killer. He almost killed Steve and he once shot Natasha. He raised and will raise hell."_

_This wasn't a simple tension between sibling. This was a rivalry._

_"I will give Steve your number. If James comes out and forces you to come with him, I want you to call Steve immediately. He's dangerous, Y/n. Stay away from him. Stay away from me." Bucky warned._

_You nodded although your mind was conflicted._

_How could Bucky be like that to James? What could James do that left such an impression to Bucky?_

_It might be something big._

_"He's a snake. He will use you, Y/n."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii! 
> 
> So I just realized that this fic's timeline isn't right. We're gonna move the year to 2018. 
> 
> Happy 1k hits, by the way! I didn't expect this to have so much supports. I thank those who continues to support this even when I think the first few chapters are disappointing in a way??? Anyway, thank you again. That means so much to me♡♡♡
> 
> Why does Bucky hold a vendetta on James? Does it have to do with the years James stole as the winter soldier? *shrugs*
> 
> What do you think about the chapter? Is it too predictable? HAHAHAHAHA 
> 
> Have a good day and remember to spread love, not hate.


	9. The Note

You were drinking your favorite shake with Kim.

You finished talking with William. He was as considerate as you expected. Of what? Of your decision to leave the country for a while. It was a paid vacation.

Now, you were working up how to tell Kim the big news.

You cleared your throat, catching the attention of your friend. Kim raised her brow at you.

You some rogue locks behind your ear and sheepishly smiled back. "I'm going to leave US for a while."

Kim sputtered on her drink. She lightly slapped her chest, and when the coughing stopped, she looked at you. Her eyes were saucers, disbelief and dismay were prominent on her face. She tilted her head to the side.

"Really? But why?" Kim asked.

You took a deep breath. "There's this man. He's mysterious; he's everything that a writer like me needs. We're connected in a way, but he wanted me out. He said that he'll only hurt me and that he will destroy my life. I don't understand how or why because he won't give me a clear answer."

"So you're living because of him? Because he pushed you away? Because he rejected you?" Kim crossed her arms. "How selfish of you."

You closed your eyes for a moment then looked at her again. "No, I'm not leaving because of him. Well-- okay, partly but I'm also leaving to learn new things. God bless America and its hot heroes but I also need a break from it. I'm tired of breathing the same American air."

"Where are you exactly going?" Kim asked.

Your explanation seemed to be working its way on her.

"Paris." You answered.

Just like that, Kim's eyes brightened. She perked up and leaned as close as the table between you would let her. She listened when you told her where you would be staying once you got there. Her eyes sparkled with every word connected to France.

"Wait, you're leaving on Saturday?" Kim stood and slammed her hand on the table.

You immediately ushered her to sit down knowing she attracted the attention of other customers. Once she did, you released a relieved sigh.

"I know, I know, it's too soon--"

"Just admit it. You can't handle rejection."

You gave her a look. "Okay, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that because it hurts. FYI, he's smexy but he has too many issues for a romantic partner. Besides, I'm not looking forward to it. I just want to have him as a friend, I guess? He keeps me inspired and I-- I'll be there for him."

"You and I both know you're lying." Kim deadpanned.

You frowned. "Okay, maybe I like him but I don't want a man with way too many issues. He's just-- he's handful, okay? Happy now?"

Kim avoided your gaze and looked to her side. Her chest was puffed out. She couldn't look more childish than now.

You sighed.

_And I thought this would go smooth._

"I'll give you some time." You said before you fixed your things and exited.

You rubbed your scalp in irritation. If only you could communicate better. If only you didn't see him. If only you didn't keep it to yourself. If only you weren't so desperate to forget.

If only you didn't see it.

___

You just finished folding your clothes in your suitcase.

It had been three days since Kim last spoke to you. You hardly saw her after that, and you were leaving tomorrow afternoon. You released a breath of distress. You wanted to stay but at the same time, you didn't.

You remembered the talk with _him_.

_You searched for a familiar face in the cafe._

_Seconds later, you saw a man waved at you. Oh, there he is. You waved back and quickly stalked towards him. He went on his feet to greet you. You couldn't shake the smile off your face. He was so chivalrous._

_You shook his hand when he offered it._

_"It's nice to see you again, ma'am." He said._

_You pulled a face. "Oh, Steve-- can I call you that?" He nodded. "If I was from the forties, I'd think you were hitting on me. But I'm from, well, this time so I'd think you see me as your high school teacher or even the principal with that ma'am stuff."_

_"Sorry." Steve apologetically smiled which you dismissed with a wave._

_"'S okay," You took the seat across from him. "So, what's up?"_

_"Uh..." Steve looked uncomfortable. "Can we order first?"_

_Strange._

_You nodded in confusion. He waved at a waiter and gave his order. You studied him as he talked. He seems nervous. The waiter turned to you and you figured it was your time to give your orders._

_When the waiter left, there was a thought in your mind._

_Why was Captain America nervous?_

_Then, you remembered Bucky._

_"Does this have to do something with Bucky?" You asked._

_Steve looked genuinely surprised. You shocked Captain America. What a wonderful achievement._

_"How'd you know that?" You shrugged._

_"I don't know." You admitted._

_Steve looked at you for a moment before turning his attention to drumming his fingers against the wooden table. You turned your head to the side. The awkwardness was dizzying._

_"Buck wants you out of the country."_

_You turned to him as soon as you heard him utter those words. "What?"  
_

_"Bucky wants you out of the country." Steve repeated softly._

_Your blood started to heat up. "And he couldn't tell me that himself because?"_

_"He's occupied at the moment. A mission in Berlin. His estimated time there is three months." He explained._

_You thought The Golden Boy, Steve Rogers was the role model for honesty, and all those craps but why did you feel like he was lying to you? Your eyes slightly narrowed in suspicion but you nodded._

_"Why?" You crossed your arms. "As far as I know, I get to decide where I'll be staying. So what right does he have to order me the fuck around?"_

_Steve cringed. He ran his hand on his face. "Buck thinks you're in trouble, Y/n. Lately, things have been complicated with the soldier-- or James as you know him. He's threatening other people's safety."_

_"Who exactly did James threaten?" You asked._

_"Well, that is--"_

_"I think I get the right to know who because Bucky's making me do a big task here." You sharply said._

_Steve grimaced. "It's, uh-- Millie. Bucky's girlfriend."_

Oh.

He didn't tell me about that.

But again, who are you in his life that he's responsible to tell you everything?

_You frowned._

_"Does she know?" You asked. "You know... About his DID?"_

_Steve shook his head. "No, she doesn't. He's keeping it from her."_

_You remembered the time you saw Bucky with a brunette._ It must be her. Of course, it's her. They're both gorgeous.

_You felt like there was a hole in your chest. You felt disappointment, bitterness, anger, and sad. They were all clashing together. You felt a tug in your heart._

_You shook your head._

_"So what do I do?"_

_Steve looked relieved as if he was expecting your conversation to be longer._

_"You don't need to worry because all your expenses will be covered--"_

_"That desperate to get rid of me, huh? Okay, I agree."_

You moped for the first few hours, then you realized that you could learn and experience new things. For free. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. You won't let it slip past you.

Steve wanted to drive you to the airport but you declined. You offered to meet in the airport instead. He was so kind and polite that you suspected he was a supernatural being trying to lure you in then kill you. After subtle procedures to know if he's a creature of the night, you concluded that he's nothing more than a human with a godly face. And ass.

You weren't going to have a crush on someone you just had a crush on, though, so Steve was kind of off limits. 

You heard a knock on your door. Kim might be ready to see you now. Excitedly, you invited her in.

"Hi?" Kim awkwardly waved.

You beamed at her and tapped the spot next to you. She sat on it and looked at you.

"First of all, I'm sorry. I just-- you know, it's too sudden and you were leaving so soon. I was shocked, so I reacted like a mean mother." Kim apologized.

You shook your head and pulled her in a hug. "I'm sorry too for not telling you sooner."

"Okay, what do you say we forget about all that and spend the most memorable night with me?"

"Oh, I'm so in!"

 

___

 

You checked on your suitcase again. You were making sure that you didn't forget anything important. It was complete. You didn't forget a thing.

You grinned at Kim who was standing with a grim expression by the door. You frowned and walked to her. You hugged her. "Take care of yourself while I'm gone?"

"Of course, stupid." Kim sneered. "Don't go hog all the handsome boys, okay? You got to find someone with a hot friend or brother. Unless you're willing to share with me." She wiggled her eyebrows with a suggestive smile.

You smacked her arm. "You and your fantasies."

"Don't pretend like you don't wanna experience threesome. I think you want it as bad as me, if not more," Kim showed her tongue. "After all, it's always the weird ones."

You gasped and feigned an offended look. "Why, you!"

Before you could do something, Kim already pulled you in her hold again. You resisted for a few second but relaxed when she wasn't doing anything.

"Take care, Y/n." She whispered.

You slowly got out of her hold and hugged her again. "I will," You pulled away when you felt your cellphone buzz. "But I really think I need to go now."

You pulled your suitcase. "You sure you don't wanna go with me to the airport?"

"Nah," Kim waved her hand. "I think I'm okay. I'm not going to the plane with you, so what's the use? Besides, I think I'm not gonna let you go when I come with you there."

You chuckled. "Okay, okay! Bye, Kim!"

"Bye, Y/n."

You dragged your suitcase out to the uber. The driver got out and helped you settle your suitcase. You looked one last time at Kim who was watching you. You waved at her. Strangely, she didn't wave back.

You tilted your head before sitting on the backseat. Before you knew it, the car was moving. The driver didn't shy away to strike a conversation with you. He was an entertaining guy with the map of US imprinted in his mind.

"So, where country?" Billy, the driver asked.

"Oh, it's France." You answered.

"Oh, what a great country you're going in! But I heard that things are quite expensive there." Billy said.

"I got it covered." You winked at the rear-view mirror.

Billy smiled. "Sure do, but you already said goodbye to your friends?"

You blinked. "I got to make a call!"

You opened your phone and went to contacts. Your finger hovered over a certain name. _James_. You forgot to change his contact name. You skimmed through him and voicemailed Sam instead.

"Hey, man, I want to congratulate your engagement with Lauren. We aren't on best terms but we were once friends. I hope you make each other happy. Bye." You ended the voicemail.  
To be honest, you only hung out with your 'friends' because Kim forced you to. Kim would invite you to dinner only to discover that she brought them to. You never complained at loud.

When you met Sam, you decided to give him a chance. He was cool, funny, and everything you wished for a guy friend. Until he started showing signs that he liked you. He was with Lauren then, so you distanced yourself with him. You felt bad at first but it was better than being the other woman.

Now, you were in a mental crisis. You didn't know whether to call Bucky or not. You didn't have to, but you _want_ to. You wanted to tell him your whereabouts like he was someone special. Like he was your man.

"Fuck it." You muttered, dialing Bucky's number.

After a few rings, Bucky accepted the call.

"Hey, Bucky, um-- I just wanna tell you that I'm on my way to the airport," You trailed off. "I-- you're my friend. I-- uh, wish you a good time when I'm not there. Take care, okay? Keep the country safe for me."

_Oh, my God. What am I saying?_

"Don't be the self-destructive man I know. Be someone better." You waited for a response but what you only heard were his steady breaths. Maybe it was better if he didn't talk at all.

"Take care, again," You awkwardly laughed. "Goodbye, Bucky. Say goodbye to Jeffrey, and James for me."  
You didn't end the call. You waited for a reply, and he was taking long.

"Hey, Bucky, you okay?" You worriedly asked.

"You're leaving him." Bucky replied from the other side.

"What?" You asked.

"You're leaving Barnes like people always do. You're running away like people always do." He said.

Your heart thumped wildly against your chest.

"In the end, Barnes is always alone. In the end, we're always the one who'll deal with the pain."

"Who are you?" You gritted your teeth.

"Me? I'm Jonathon. Jonathon Benjamin. People called me Jack. Doctor Reinfield, however, calls me Deathwalker. Sometimes, Death Applicant. I like Death Applicant better." Jonathon said.

Your heart stopped.

"Where are you? Tell me, where the fuck are you?" You exclaimed.

"The sky will be my tomb," Jonathan mused. "I always wanted to learn to fly. And now, it's coming true. I would feel spread my arms in the wind like wings."

You could feel your mind going into overdrive that slightly distorted his voice. His voice was echoing. Your hands were shaking in fear.

"This is my note," He said. "People leave notes when they die, don't they? Well, this is mine."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! 
> 
> So, "Millie" is pronounced as "Miley" of Miley Hemsworth, 'kay? 
> 
> Have a good day and remember to spread love, not hate.


	10. Calling You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oh, my god._
> 
> Okay, I'm the evillest person to ever walk on Earth. I think I killed some of you inside while I patiently waited and mentally laughed when I'm thinking of the situation. 
> 
> What I said on the end note is not true XD ... There's like 10 chapters more or something? Besides, I won't end it like that. 
> 
> OHHHHHH I honestly feel bad! 
> 
> I'm so sorry for playing with your feelings. I just saw an opportunity and I grabbed it... Peace yoh

"Hey, Bucky, um-- I just wanna tell you that I'm on my way to the airport," You trailed off. "I-- you're my friend. I-- uh, wish you a good time when I'm not there. Take care, okay? Keep the country safe for me."

_Oh, my God. What am I saying?_

"Don't be the self-destructive man I know. Be someone better." You waited for a response but what you only heard were his steady breaths. Maybe it was better if he didn't talk at all.

"Take care, again," You awkwardly laughed. "Goodbye, Bucky. Say goodbye to Jeffrey, and James for me." 

You didn't end the call. You waited for a reply, and he was taking long.

"Hey, Bucky, you okay?" You worriedly asked.

"You're leaving him." Bucky replied from the other side.

"What?" You asked.

"You're leaving Barnes like people always do. You're running away like people always do." He said.

Your heart thumped wildly against your chest.

"In the end, Barnes is always alone. In the end, we're always the one who'll deal with the pain."

"Who are you?" You gritted your teeth.

"Me? I'm Jonathon. Jonathon Benjamin. People called me Jack. Doctor Reinfield, however, calls me Deathwalker. Sometimes, Death Applicant. I like Death Applicant better." Jonathon said.

Your heart stopped.

"Where are you? Tell me, where the fuck are you?" You exclaimed.

"The sky will be my tomb," Jonathan mused. "I always wanted to learn to fly. And now, it's coming true. I would feel spread my arms in the wind like wings."

You could feel your mind going into overdrive that slightly distorted his voice. His voice was echoing. Your hands were shaking in fear.

"This is my note," He said. "People leave notes when they die, don't they? Well, this is mine."

"Don't do this! Please don't do this!"

By this time, Billy was cautious. He slowed the car and looked at you in the rear-view mirror more than the road itself.

"Please, pullover." Your

Billy did so without a comment. His attention was fully on you now. He turned to you as he talked. You knew he wanted to know what was happening and why you were in so much distress, but you hadn't finished talking with Jonathon yet.

"Okay," Jonathon said. "I'll give you an hour. If you fail to me under that given time, I will kill us all. Even if you're a second late, I will kill us all." Then, he ended the call.

You almost threw your phone in frustration. You immediately contacted Steve who picked up on the first ring. Thank God!

"Y/n, where are--"

"Look, Steve, Jonathon Benjamin has Bucky! He's threatening to kill him!" You heard Steve curse on the other line.

"Did he say something else?" Steve asked. You noticed his voice was shaking.

"Yes, umm-- the sky will be my tomb," You quoted. "That's what he said."

"He's on top of a fucking building!"

Your eyes grew wide in realization. "We have to find him now! He gave me an hour to find him."

"Okay, I'm going to let the others know."

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You turned to Billy. "Charge me as much as you want but we have to take a trip to New York."

"My pleasure."

___

The given time was almost up.

It was now fifty-one minutes since you called Bucky and Jonathon threatened to kill himself. You could feel hopelessness creep up to you, but you fought it. You frantically looked around the buildings. Just as Billy was turning on a new road, you noticed something.

"Please, go that way." You pointed to your left.

Billy obeyed and drove with fast speed. You wouldn't have like the speed if it was a regular day, but a life was on stake. When you almost passed the building, you shouted at Billy to stop.

You quickly got out of the taxi and ran towards the building. It was under construction, but there seemed to be no one around. You noticed Billy got out of the car too. He gestured for you to come into the building.

"I got this." Billy said.

You nodded a thanks, then ran as fast as you could. Obviously, elevators wouldn't work, so your option was the staircase.

You felt tears prickle your eyes as you madly searched. Fortunately, when you turned west, there was a door. You instantly ran to it and sighed in relief when you were greeted with the sight of stairs. You jumped for it.

You panted. Your belly ached because of all the running you made. You were now on god-knows-what floor. You momentarily stopped and looked at your wristwatch.

2:27 PM

You cursed. Three minutes left.

You continued running, ignoring the ache. Your breaths shallowed. If you had asthma, it would attack now. Your heart was beating fast. Your knees almost buckled, but you fought back.

Eventually, you saw a door.

You reached for it like it was the finish line. You pushed it open and the sight that greeted you was gonna haunt you at night.

Bucky, or Jonathon was standing at the edge with his arms spread. His back was turned to you, so you couldn't see his expression. You figured that Jonathon would only jump when you called after him, so you did what you did.

You ran to him and pulled him by the coat he was wearing. You crashed on the ground while he fell on top of you, knocking your breath out. It was hazy at first, but the weight on top of you was disappearing. He was crawling away from you.

You pushed yourself up and shoved him to the ground. He fell on his back. You noticed that his hair was messed up more than usual and that he was wearing jumpers. You decided to ignore that, and climbed on top of him. You had your legs on his sides, and sat on his stomach. Your thighs supported your weight so that he would still be able to breathe.

You slapped him.

Hard.

"How dare you?" You growled. "How dare you decide his fate?!"

Jonathon was angered by your action. He pushed you to the ground. You painfully landed on your face. You were getting dizzy by now. Probably from the times the ground met your head.

"You-you were late," Jonathon said. "We had a deal."

"And here I am!" You felt groggy. You pushed yourself up by your elbows. "I'm here! So don't you dare jump off." 

Jonathon was in a kneeling position. He looked down. "I'm tired. I'm tired of being treated like an alien. I'd rather take us all than go through it over and over again."

You crawled towards his form. "Maybe you're tired of it all. Maybe you want to die. But did you ask them if they wanted to?"

"It's not about their permission. It's about doing what's right." Jonathon hissed.

"And you think this is the right thing? Suicide? You know how hard Bucky works. You know how hard he fights. Do you think he wants to be dead? By what? A suicide? A fall? That's a big insult on his image." You said.

"I don't care," Jonathon scoffed. He stood on his feet. "You can't stop me."

You immediately hugged his knees. You felt him kicking you away but you only tightened your hold, making him trip. You grabbed the opportunity to do the impossible. You would call Bucky out.

You pushed him on his back. You were sitting on his stomach again. Your hand flew to his face.

You slapped him.

Again.

"Bucky Barnes!"

Again.

"Come out!"

Again.

"Come out, come out, come out!"

Again.

"Bucky Barnes, don't leave like this! Don't let him overpower you!"

Again.

"Don't do this! Don't die like this!"

You let your tears fall freely. You felt a wet trickle from your forehead down your face. Some was getting on your eyes, but you just blinked it away and continued looking down the paralyzed Jonathon.

"Come on, Bucky! Don't leave like this! You have people to fight for. Fight for them! Fight for Steve, fight for your team, fight for Millie," You screamed in desperation.

"Fight for me!"

You saw his eyes water. He sat and hugged you. You cradled his face on your chest, crying freely. His arms around you tightened, and moments later, you felt your top getting wet.

"Shh," He whispered. "I'm back, I'm back. I got you." He kissed your forehead.

You cried harder.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Bucky chanted.

You smiled in content. You saved him. You let the darkness envelope you. You let yourself free.

"We got them."

Was the last thing you heard. You tried to look, but there were so many dots clouding your vision.

___ 

"This is the second time she went to the ER because of you."

"I know."

"You're bad luck to her."

"I know."

"Let her go."

...

"No."

"Do you hear yourself?"

"Yes, clearly. And, no. I won't let her go."

"You should."

"I can't."

"You selfish bastard."

"I know. No one did that for me. No one ever called me. I heard her when I was asleep. She woke me up."

"..."

"My name sounded great in her voice. I want someone to call me like she did. I want her to call me just like that." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before this ends, I hope no one tracks my IP address down and send missiles to my house. 
> 
> I was so guilty that I wrote a whole new chapter. I'm sorry, again. I just can't pass that opportunity up... 
> 
> I'll catch all the swear words because I kinda deserve it???
> 
> Peace again, yoh!
> 
> Remember to spread love, not hate. :))


	11. Inside The Dragon's Cave

You sat on the hospital bed.

You just finished packing up after you fixed the discharge paper. You were swinging your legs back and forth as you sat at the edge of the bed. You could go home now, but you were waiting for someone. You were waiting for _him_ after he wrote a note.

You weren't completely ready to see him after what happened. After crying a lot and blood and hugs, you were afraid to see the broken parts of him again. You knew that he blamed himself for what happened to you.

You played with your fingers.

After a while, the most awaited knock was heard.

You stood as Bucky entered the door. You could tell by his posture that he was back being the anxious man again. He had his shoulders up and his back was hunched a little as if he was making himself small. You gave him a small smile which he returned with a confused one.

You subtly rubbed your temple. _I think that this going to be the most difficult conversation I'll ever have._

You sat on the edge of the bed again and patted the spot next to you. Bucky merely shook his head. His mouth twitched a lot. You knew he wanted to say something, but he was afraid of saying it out loud.

What was it? Why was he acting like it was going to be a big deal? Was it that serious? You didn't know.

"So," You started. "What's up?"

Bucky and you stared at each other. If you were in a two-dimensional show, you would have melted by the intensity his eyes were showing. You were the first to break the contact, but you still felt his eyes boring into your skull. You blushed.

Bucky breathed. He relaxed his shoulders and leaned most of his weight on his left leg. He cleared his throat.

"You made a mistake," Bucky said, making you look up.

You huffed. If this was about his sorry ass to his existence, you would make a mental note to record a speech about it and just play it when he pulled things like this.

"There was once a girl who accidentally kicked her ball into the dragon's cave while playing with her friends."

_So that's what he wanted to talk about?_

Your brows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

Bucky ignored you instead, going back to telling his tale. "That girl only heard about the stories. She didn't believe the tales, so she got in the cave, not knowing about the danger it would bring to her."

"I'm sorry, but is this about me?" You asked, pointing to yourself. Bucky shot you a look.

"When she got in the cave, she met the dragon. She was scared at first, but after a moment of staring at the dragon, she noticed its beauty. Instead of attacking her like what the books say, it only stared back." Bucky said.

_Okay. I'm quite certain this is about me. What's up with the story, though? Is he trying to scare me?_

"The dragon was nothing like she ever saw. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. She's interested in the dragon. But despite the calm act, the dragon was hungry. It knew its effect on the fragile human. It knew what it was gonna do," Bucky narrated. "It was gonna give her ball back, and eat her."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!" You raised your hands. "So what you're saying is that you'll kill me in the future?"

"I never said that and who said that the girl was you?" Bucky retorted. "The girl was too blinded by the dragon's mysteriousness to notice the drool on its cheek. She chose to look in the dragon's 'goodness' instead of looking at the whole image. That was her mistake."

"You drool too?" You playfully asked, earning a disapproving look. You sheepishly smiled back. "Okay, it's a thing for later. But what happened to the girl?"

"She died," Bucky replied.

"Why?"

"Because she was fooled by the dragon's tricks," Bucky answered.

"You really think you would kill me?" You asked.

"Not me," Bucky shrugged. "I won't put you in danger, but James-- or the _others_ possibly would." He emphasized on others when you glared at him.

"How do you say so?" You crossed your arms.

"Because they're not me. Because I can't control their actions." Bucky said.

You shook your head. "You really don't trust them, do you?"

"They're the part of me I don't wanna get out."

Silence covered the room. You figured that it wouldn't be broken anytime soon. You were deeply thinking of Bucky's well-being. After witnessing the Jonathon incident, you realized just how serious his condition was. He could have really hurt himself; he could have really hurt you.

Yet, you still objected to seeing that way. Beside danger, you saw vulnerability. Bucky was a man that needed a lot of help and attention. If he wasn't an avenger and living under Stark's, you would have thought that he didn't show himself a therapist.

You remembered him mention Doctor Reinfield once. According to what Tony told him, Doctor Reinfield was the best therapist in the US. The alters weren't happy with the choice, especially the teenager he talked about. You forgot its name but he mentioned it. Anyway, it got under control for a while until you came and the alters went crazy again.

"About your flight," You gazed up to Bucky who was eyeing an empty flower vase. "It's scheduled tomorrow like you asked. I hope you, uh-- enjoy your flight." He gave a tight-lipped smile.

"Yeah, you too," Bucky's brows creased. "I mean, thank you!"

_Oh, my God, what am I doing?_

You gritted your teeth. You looked at anywhere but him, feeling the embarrassment creep its way unto the back of your neck.

Bucky cleared his throat. "I, uh-- show myself out."

You bit your lip, raised your head and nodded. You waved at him to which he acknowledged by nodding. Your gaze dropped down again.

"Y/n." Bucky called.

You raised your head. "Yes?"

"Thank you for everything." Bucky said, smiling softly.

Your heart found a recent habbit when you were anywhere near Bucky. It would beat wildly as if it wanted to be out of your chest. Like your heart now for example. It was beating like it wanted to jump into his arms.

You cleared your throat, sending a nervous smile. "N-- No problem, brad."

_Really? Brad?_

Bucky smiled again before exiting. You breathed in relief. You put your palms over your heart. _Calm the fuck down, you whore._ It started to slow down to the normal heartbeat.

"By the way, there's a car for you outside that'll bring you to a hotel for the day. We will send one tomorrow too," You jumped at the sudden voice. You faced Bucky with an exasperated look. 

"Did I scare you?" He tilted his head.

You widened your eyes at him as if to say, _"What do you think?"_

Bucky smiled sheepishly. "Sorry... And, uh-- Bye."

At that, the door closed once again, leaving you in your own miseries and fast heartbeats.

"Slutty heart." You whispered.

___

Bucky watched his reflection in the mirror.

His hands were on top of the sink. His back was hunched as he stared. He was tapping his fingers against the solid surface. He was glaring, but none of it was his doing.

Someone else was out.

"I warned you, Barnes." Bucky could only watch in horror as 'he' cracked his neck.

"You will not touch her!" 'He' punched the mirror, forming a circle of broken shards.

Bucky grabbed his bleeding knuckles. He looked at it with disbelief. This never happened before. His eyes found the mirror again. It was no longer sharp like it was before. It didn't hold the same anger anymore.

He put his hands on his head. He fell down to the floor.

_What was that?_

He could see what his body was doing, but he couldn't do anything about it. It was as if he was watching a video of his doppleganger. He heard his therapist talk about it during one of the sessions. He thought it was nearly impossible.

It was co-consciousness.

James was out, and Bucky saw what happened from when he came out and went back in. His therapist said it was good. Doctor Reinfield said that co-consciousness would help him handle his alters. It was a good sign.

Or was it?

_

Bucky's stomach burn.

He had been running for thirty-six minutes at the fastest speed. He noticed Sam going in the training room and giving him a weirded look in his peripheral vision. He knew he was a sweating mess. His breathing also deepened. He might have sounded weird.

Today was the day Y/n would fly out the contry because of his own rashness. After seeing the video the soldier recorded, he instantly acted and talked to Steve about it. Steve was quick to tell Tony, the financial support of the team.  Tony didn't agree first even after seeing the video, but he eventually gave in.

And now, she was coming to Paris. She was coming to the place where he and his personalities wouldn't have the chance to lay a hand on her.

He should have been relieved. It was his own idea. Heck, he even begged Stark for it. It was a blow to his pride especially when Stark grinned like a Cheshire Cat. Stark looked as if he won a medal. He should have been happy.

So why was he exhausting himself? Why was he regretting it now?

_"I'm warning you, Barnes. If you ever lay your hand on my woman, I swear I will find yours and you won't like what I'll do to her."_

He nearly tripped over the machine, but he managed to catch himself on time. He lifted himself and turned the machine off. He bent. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

It was a threat from the soldier almost a month after Y/n got shot. He didn't want to play under his soldier's rule, but openly opposing was like fighting with himself. He knew what he needed to do. He pushed Y/n away and lived on like he never met you. Like you didn't exist.

Pretending Y/n didn't exist in the universe he was in was hard, especially when she already saw three of him. And instead of running away like everyone else did, she was still attracted to him as if he was a flame and she was a moth.

He walked to his room, drying himself on the way. The walk was quiet, nothing different from the walks he'd take may it be on day or night. He moved like a floating ghost: steadily and quickly. Taking every step as if he was an assassin in a mission.

When he got in his room, he quickly went for a hot shower to calm his tensed muscles after the workout even though he was used to it. The bathroom was one of the worlds where he reminisced. Sometimes about another shard of his shattered mind he managed to find, sometimes about the blood he bathed in. He lightly touched his scarred shoulder. His mind wandered to Y/n again.

Y/n never asked about his left arm. Maybe she did when he was 'asleep'. But she never once bothered to flinch at the sight of it. She didn't even look at it in pity. She looked at it like it was a new species discovered.

Bucky shook his head. He knew some who looked at it the same way. He shouldn't look at things more than it was meant to be. It would only leave him disappointed and heavy-hearted. And by the way his life flowed, he couldn't afford a distraction like that.

He turned off the shower. He grabbed a towel and dried himself, all while walking in front of the mirror. He wiped at his chin and stared back at his reflection. It was still broken. He didn't bother telling anyone. Earning money and living for free was enough. He knew better than to push the billionaire's button.

For a moment, he waited for James to come out and talk to him again. He swore he saw his eyes darkened, but it was gone as fast as it went.

He shook his head and tied the towel around his waist. He dressed in his usual casual clothes. A dark-colored t-shirt and sweatpants. On occasions like when Tony threw a party, undercover missions, and even recognitions and press they had to do at least once in every six months, Bucky carefully chose what to wear.

He tried to cover as much skin as possible without looking like a freak he was. He wore long sleeves during his first few months living under the Avengers tower. After a talk with Steve and a confirmation nods or smiles from Barton, Natasha, and even the god, Thor, he showed more skin.

Bucky now stood by the window of his room, silently watching endless light blue. He heard a few footsteps followed by a knock. He knew exactly who was behind the door.

"Come in, Steve," Bucky called.

Bucky knew it surprised Steve when the newcomer cleared his throat. He turned and gave him a smile.

"I know how you walk," Bucky said. He noticed Steve looked confused.

"Tell me," Steve said.

Bucky playfully rolled his eyes. "No offense here, pal, but you walk pretty loud. I get it, you got big. You're basically a hunk now, but you gotta want to train walking lightly or we're gonna get compromised at the next mission."

Steve frowned. "Ha-ha, 'cause you don't walk just as loud."

"I don't. Ex-assassin, remember?" Steve's frown deepened. "You getting old, grandpa?"

"Fuck you--"

"Language!"

Steve huffed and mumbled under his breath. He erased his annoyed face and replaced it with a worried one.

Bucky knew where it would go.

"You feeling okay?" Steve asked as he walked to Bucky's right.

"Never been better," Bucky pulled both a grin and a cringe by his choice of words. "I mean, why wouldn't I be?" He knew it was too late to reason now. Steve caught him. So instead of facing his friend, he watched a plane flew.

"Maybe because of that?" Steve nodded to the plane. "I honestly don't know. You're the one who sent her away in the first place. Shouldn't you be happy?"

"I don't know, Stevie. Should I?" Bucky faced Steve who had a troubled look on his face.

Steve opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Tony's super AI.

"Mister Barnes, Mister Rogers, Boss summons you to the living room."

"Yes, thank you, FRIDAY." Steve replied.

"No problem, sir."

"Summon? What does he think we are? Contract demons?" Bucky grumbled.

Steve only hit his shoulders as they marched to the living room.

The team whole team except Thor, who was in Asgard to 'fix some things', were sitting on the couches.

Wanda and Vision were sitting beside each other, only giving nods to Steve and Bucky before returning to their conversation. Clint had his head back and his eyes close as if he was sleeping. Natasha was smirking and winked when Bucky's eyes landed on her. Sam was looking at Bucky with playful, judging eyes before sending a half grin to their direction. Tony, well, Tony had his back to them. He was facing the television but they had no doubt that he heard the elevator dinged.

Tony dramatically turned. "About time you two showed up. Are your knees hurting again? Take your seats, grandpas" He gestured to the couches.

Bucky sat beside Clint, avoiding Natasha's eyes. He straightened his back and trained his eyes on Tony.

"Barnes," Tony called. Bucky eyed Tony with suspicion. "I know we weren't exactly on best terms at first. But time passed and you grew in me. I even dare say that we have something special."

"Tony." Steve warned.

"Okay, okay. Get to the point. I brought you an early Christmas gift." Tony said.

"I don't think I follow." Bucky spoke. His brows were creased in confusion.

Tony pulled a face and turned to him. He opened his mouth as if to say something but decided against it and closed it again. "Just wait. It'll arrive anytime soon now."

"Now, now, if blue eyes here is the only one with an 'early Christmas gift', why are we here?" Sam quoted in air.

"Just wait." Tony grinned and eyed the elevator. His mouth moved as he mentally counted.

The team followed his eyes. Clint rubbed the back of his head in disinterest. Wanda, Vision, and Steve waited quietly. Natasha was eyeing both the elevator and Bucky. Sam was facing the elevator, still grumbling.  Bucky was slightly fidgeting in his seat.

"Miss L/n has arrived." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Co-consciousness is the state wherein 2 or more alters share consciousness at the same time. The alters are usually able to communicate with each other mentally.
> 
> UggggHHHH this took longer than the otherrsss and I'm still not confident about this...!! 
> 
> Good and bad feedbacks are appreciated! Help me become a better writer <3
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. 
> 
> Spread love, not hate.


	12. Becca

You knew you made the right choice, yet you couldn't help but doubt it.

You were in the car with Happy Hogan as the driver Tony sent for you. After you called him the night after the incident in the hospital, he was making arrangements and plots to make you come the very next day. You were hesitant at first, but he was Tony Stark. Could you really argue?

You were afraid of how Bucky would react. He warned you many times. He pushed you away many times. And when he thought he finally swept you out, you came with your suitcase to the tower.

You made a lot of scenarios of how it would turn out. Most of them were of hin freaking out. The one time where he didn't freak out was because he 'regretted' sending you away and that he needed you more beside him.

You groaned.

_I'm being a hopeless romantic here again._

You didn't have the right to think of him that way. You didn't want to be a homewrecker for fuck's sake!

_He's. Already. Happy. And. In. A. Relationship. Okay?_

You felt glad that Happy wasn't sending you a weird glance, _or at least openly_ , by the way you made weird noises and your face morphed into distressed to calm to daydreaming to distressed again. If he didn't know better and if it weren't for the fact that you no one beside you, he would have thought someone was pleasuring you.

Okay, maybe it was an exaggeration. You made weird noises and facial expressions, but it wasn't that extreme.

Your thoughts bounced to Bucky.

Was he worth it? Would you really leave someone closest to a family to you, Kim, for him?

There was no argument.

You knew he was worth it. From the moment he flashed his pleading eyes, you knew you would do everything to help him. Your time of being selfish was over. It was time for you to be selfless, it was time to do good things for others now. And you would start with him.

Plus, if he was near you, he might keep your inspiration fueled. You would write in your free time. It was a win-win situation for both of you. You were going to help him, and he was going to help you.

You didn't even have to show any of your IDs for the security of the tower. It was as if they were all informed about your arrival. The receptionist nodded to you as a greeting which you returned with a tight-lipped smile.

Happy escorted you to the elevator. He gave a nod before walking away once you entered the elevator. Your brows raised.

_What's up with the people and their nods? Shall I try it?_

The building was pretty high, so the ride in the elevator was long. Long enough for you to continue your previous train of thoughts.

How will I handle him? Can I even handle him? Ugh! I'll leave it up to fate.

You looked at the passing buildings behind you that were visible because of the clear glass.

_Jame-- Bucky... He's different. Everyone has a shadow of sins that were following them every day. The shadow is there to corrupt them; to make them give in to its whispers. It sometimes eats them up, and if they understand it enough, they learn to live with it. But Bucky..._

_How can he understand the shadows written in mission reports, captured in camera, and sometimes witnessed by some without having a vision of the whole scene? How can he fight back if guilt swallows him for the sins he didn't do? How will he understand his shadow when he can only see the treat it is?_

_Bucky's mind is broken, but it can be repaired with others' help, especially his help. He can't run forever from his alters. He has to understand them. And how am I going to help? I don't have even just a pinch of knowledge of a professional psychologist. Why didn't Tony get a psychologist instead?_

Oh, right. For a reason they all didn't know, James threw a tantrum every time he got out. Tony also mentioned him wandering around the city when he was out. Tony said it was like he was searching for someone.

_Can that be me? Ugh, don't be delusional! I'm just a writer. No one even recognizes me!_

You made an unmovable decision at that moment. You had a happy childhood even with your parents passing. You had a job and you were successful at it. You learned to control your shadow and control your darkness.

You were going to help Bucky communicate with his alters. You were going to teach him to control his darkness, and when it got too much, you were going to help him learn to share it with others. You were going to help him pick up his shattered memories.

"You have arrived, Miss L/n. Welcome to the Avengers Tower."

"Thank you--" You stopped, hoping that the AI would tell you its name.

"We've already met, but it's FRIDAY."

You wanted to ask it how you could officially meet an AI, but it would be impolite of you. FRIDAY led you to the floor after all. You wouldn't want to anger Tony Stark's AI with your sassy remarks.

"Thank you, FRIDAY." You said. You grabbed your suitcase and pulled it out with you. You heard a FRIDAY reply 'no problem' as you walked out.

You stopped in your tracks when you noticed a group of people-- not just a group of people but the Avengers looking at you. Tony's hands were on his hips as he smirked. He winked when your eyes met. You pulled away from his eyes and let your gaze wander to every person in front of you.

Black Widow was smirking at you. Hawkeye gave a small smile and a nod. _Okay, what's with the people here and their nods?_ Scarlet Witch smiled at you and the red man bowed a little. The Falcon's guard was up. Captain America and Bucky were staring at you in disbelief. When Bucky noticed you staring, he broke the contact and glared at Tony

"What is she doing here?" Bucky asked.

Tony marched towards you and held your suitcase. He faced Bucky and sighed. "You know, I thought bringing her here would warm you up. There's no change, frosty. You're like Elsa. You've got a frozen heart."

"Hey!" Sam protested in the background. "Elsa's heart isn't frozen!"

You cleared your throat and threw a smirk to Bucky. Bucky's murder face faltered for a moment. His eyes shone and you could see the ghost smile on his face. _Oh, thank God! I thought he's going to be super mad at me!_

 You crossed your arms. "Well, Barnes, you could at least pretend you're happy to see me."

Bucky let loose, giving a half smirk. He mirrored your arms over his chest, showing off his biceps and man boobs. Were your boobs as attractive as his when you did that?

"It's strange you knew my name. yet I don't know yours. Tell me," Bucky's smirk widened. "Are you a HYDRA agent?"

Challenge accepted.

"Okay then," You dropped your arms and straightened your back. "I'm Y/n L/n, an employee hired by Mister Stark himself to monitor you and your alters. Any question?"

"None, doll," Bucky replied, still smirking.

"Nice to meet you, Mister Barnes." You held out your hand, twitching it when he only stared at it.

Bucky looked at you with amusement, making you glare at him. "The team is watching!" You mouthed.

"You realize there's no going back once I hold your hand, yeah?" Bucky seriously asked. You slowly nodded. "I let you go the first time, but once you take my hand, you're never going to get out of the dragon's cave."

You heard a snort from one of the team who was watching the interaction as if it was a drama. But for you and Bucky, you were talking about a serious matter. With determined eyes, you nodded.

Bucky almost broke into a wide smile. He quickly took your outstretched hand with his right hand, shaking it. "The deal is made."

His smile was so contagious you couldn't help but smile back.

"Okay, lovebirds, seal it with a kiss." Tony mocked.

The whole team was smiling, except Vision who was watching intently and for Tony and Sam who were snickering. Bucky immediately felt small under their gazes. He attempted to pull his hand back but you didn't let him go.

You smugly smiled before tightening your grip where his thumb and forefinger would meet. Bucky raised a brow to you, probably wondering what you were trying to do. You pressed your hand harder, rubbing the bones together. You gave your best, painfully aware of him being a super soldier. You used your other hand to achieve your goal.

Bucky winced. Your eyes twinkled as your hands rubbed his bones together harder. Bucky then put his hands atop of yours, trying to pry it off. Sam started to laugh, pointing at Bucky.

"Oh, my God! Record this, FRIDAY!" Sam cackled.

"Right away, sir."

"Ow, ow, ow, ow!" Bucky whined. "Let go!"

The team laughed harder (except Vision who was still trying to figure out what was happening) when Bucky moved to the side to pull his hand off, but you only followed him and tortured him harder. Bucky almost kneeled in pain, tapping his metal hand on yours.

"I surrender!" Bucky shouted.

"Surrendering's for chickens. You gotta get out of your own, frosty." Tony teased.

You joined in the laugh. Bucky glowered at you which had you nearly letting his hand go. That was all he needed to forcibly get his hand back.

"I said let go!"

The team froze. Tony tapped his watch to summon his armor. Natasha jumped back defensively. Sam was standing still along with Steve, waiting for any attack. Wanda's hands were glowing red as the red guy hovered to the ground. And Clint was... Nowhere to be found.

You tilted your head. "James?"

"I'm not James!"

You jumped back to Tony who put you behind him.

"I think I hurt him too much his alter came out." You whispered to Tony, cautiously looking at Bucky.

"Don't do it again next time, 'kay? We don't know what he's gonna do. Cap?" Tony called. "Do your thing."

Steve nodded, taking a step forward.

"I said I'm not the soldier!" Bucky shouted again.

"Good job, kid. You made Barnes lose his temper. I haven't seen him like that ever." Tony 'whispered' to you.

You nodded, still watching Bucky's move.

Bucky breathed. "I am not the soldier, okay? I'm Bucky. Bucky Barnes."

"Won't fall for it anymore. Hipster did that and he got in a bar fight. You won't trick me again, Elsa." Sam scoffed.

"I thought Elsa doesn't have a frozen heart?"

"I don't have a frozen heart!"

"Soldier?!" "Soldat?!" "James?!"

_

"By the way, did you read the text I sent you?" Tony asked.

"Why?"

"It has the terms and conditions, and, oh! Your job other than babysitting Barnes!"

"What?! I thought you said I'll only monitor him?" You opened your phone and searched for the text Tony sent.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm a billionaire, but even I think that's easy money. I don't give away money that easy."

You finally found the text. You gasped at what you saw.

"This is a fucking slave contract!" You showed Tony the screen of your phone.

Tony smirked. "You should've read that like I told you to do before agreeing."

Just then, Bucky joined in the teasing.

"Remember, doll, there's no going back now."

You walked back to the elevator, dragging your suitcase with you. Tony pulled your suitcase, making you sprint to the elevator. You tapped the button repeatedly before it opened.

"I quit! I quit! I resign! Stark, let me go!" You quickly pressed the lowest floor as the elevator door closed. You sighed in relief.

You went down for only a few floors before the elevator went up again. You hid your face in your hands. Why were you thinking? Of course, you weren't going to win against Tony in his own place. Once it opened, you were met by the smirking faces of Tony, and Bucky.

"There's no going back now."

___

It had been a three and a half later since you started to work under Tony.  
It wasn't as bad as you first thought it was. When you finally learned to adapt to your new place, it was actually enjoyable. Sure, you were stressed. You had to check on Bucky every few hours. You had to follow him like a lost puppy whenever he went out the tower to the city. But your time with him and the team paid it off.

You enjoyed watching Sam and Bucky bicker. You enjoyed talking with Natasha and Wanda. You enjoyed sneaking around in the tower with Clint and him occasionally telling you about his family. You enjoyed cooking with the ever so curious android, Vision, every chance you get. And you enjoyed seeing Tony lose to Pepper. You enjoyed being in the Avengers Tower to be short.

But you certainly didn't enjoy the part almost every week thrown by Tony. You almost lost everything just so you wouldn't have to attend. It was worth it, though. You weren't in a mood to go wild tonight.

It was hard to sleep with the noises a few floors below, but as hours passed, so did the noises. You figured you weren't going to sleep soon, so you got your laptop and wrote. That was hours ago.

You were almost done with the chapter, but sleep was knocking on your eyes. You yawned, eyeing the clock on you nightstand.

**_1:17 AM_ **

You turned off your laptop, closed it, and put it on the table. You wouldn't need much time to finish the chapter tomorrow... Or later?

Ugh, nevermind.

___

"-- Hell is this? No wonder why she doesn't have any boyfriend."

You groggily opened your eyes, blinking away the sleep.

"What kind of dress is this? What is she? A nun? Unbelievable!"

You searched for the sound of the voice, finding a figure in front of your drawer. You looked around to see your clothes on the floor. Wait... Your clothes? You were suddenly awake now.

You saw Bucky, or at least his body and face, kneeling in front of your drawer. He was holding the dress your friend gave as a gift for your birthday.

"Bucky?" You called.

Bucky slowly faced you, his face showing disgust when his eyes landed on you.

"You're fugly."

You threw a hand on your chest as you processed his words. _I'm fugly?_ You threw an offended look.

"I know."

He just raised a brow to you before going to another drawer. He grinned as he lifted a golden clip. _Your_ golden clip.

"Hey, put it back!" You ran to him, snatching the clip.

"No!" He pushed you, making you land on your butt.

You scowled at him. His lips twitched in _disgust_ before brushing a lock. His pleasured look disappeared when his hand somehow landed on his jaw. He wore a horrified look before rushing to the bathroom.

_Okay, so one of his alters is clearly out and they know their way around my room!_

"Ugh! I hate his manly face!" He shouted from the bathroom.

You followed him to the bathroom. He left the door open so you could see the way his hands flew to his face as if he wanted to scratch it off. He let out a whimper.

"I told him to shave this fucking beard!"

You cautiously marched to him. "Who-- Who are you?"

He turned and smirked. "Me? I'm the one and only Becca."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took like a week to update? My, my, I think I'm getting rusty. Okay, joke time's over. I'm really sorry this took too long. I'm kinda busy this week because the school will reign my life again. That means slow to no update (oh, god, no!). 
> 
> Anyway, chaarraaann!!! Becca's here *magical whooshes*
> 
> I hope you had/have a good day. Remember to spread love, not hate.


	13. Becca - Part Two

**Thirty Minutes Earlier**

**_1:55 AM_ **

Bucky was nursing a glass of whiskey that he knew would not affect his state of mind, like Steve, because of the super soldier serum Hydra injected to him.

The party seemed to die down a little, but it was still going. There were still too many people to his liking. 

He felt a presence beside him. He turned away. He wasn't in the mood to entertain. The person beside him leaned into him and touched his thigh. He froze on his seat.

The person's lips touched his ears. "Hail Hydra."

Bucky knew he should have moved. He should have informed the team that a Hydra agent managed to sneak in Tony's party. He thought he was strong enough to fight back when he crossed paths with any Hydra agents. He trained himself because he knew he was still being hunted, so why couldn't he move his body when he needed to do it the most?

"The queen is out," The person whispered. "It's only a matter of time before we get you back."

His knuckles turned white. He didn't notice how tight he closed his fist.

"Enjoy your freedom while it still lasts, soldat."

He thought it was over. He thought they just wanted to deliver the threat to him. So when the person recited the words that brought him mental pain, he wasn't ready.

"Желание, semnadtsat, rzhaviy, Рассвет, Печь, Девять, Добросердечный, Возвращение на Родину, Один, Товарный вагон."

That was when the pounding started. He clutched his head in his hands, the glass was long forgotten. He scanned the place, wishing for even just your shadow. Black dots started takin his vision, his mind was set on one thing.

Finding you.

___

**Current Time**

You glanced at your digital watch, rubbing your temple when you saw what time it was.

_**2:25 AM** _

You rolled your eyes at the sight of a man throwing a tantrum in your bathroom.

"I told him to shave this fucking beard!" He groaned, putting his face between his hands. His eyes caught yours through the reflection. "You! What are you looking at?!"

You flinched at the volume of his voice. You really weren't used to Bucky being a walking megaphone.

You cautiously marched to him. "I-- I'll shave it." You mentally cringed. Was offering a thing like that the right choice?

He perched up, brightly turning to ou with a wide grin. "Really? You'd do that for me?"

You meekly nodded. You thought your words were working for whoever this alter was, then his face turned from grateful to nauseous.

"Ugh, ew!" His shoulder shuddered as his pupils almost went to the back of his head. "No way I'd let you touch my gorgeous face!"

Okay, whoever this alter was, was slowly getting on your nerves.

You rolled your eyes. "Okay, fine! Enjoy a cut on your 'gorgeous face' then!"

"No, no, don't go! I'm just-- joking... Please shave this fucking beard! Please, please, pretty please!" You smiled in triumph.

"I'll do it if you tell me something."

He tried to suppress rolling his eyes. "Anything to get this off me."

"What's your name?" You asked.

He spun around in front of you like he was in a fucking beauty contest. He put his hand on his waist and flipped his hair with the other hand.

You raised your hand at his actions. Then your eyes widened in realization. _Maybe the alter is--_

"I'm the one and only Becca."

_"Personality zero point zero four. Rebecca, though she likes to be called 'Becca' or 'Becs'. Either of the two." Tony explained._

_"Why are you explaining this?" You asked. "I mean, yes, you're a great teacher, but why you when I have him?" You pointed to Bucky who was looking at the projected presentation Tony prepared._

_Tony shook his hand and made a zipping action with his hand and mouth._

_You instantly shut your mouth, glancing at Bucky who was lost in his daydream._

_"Back to Becca! Where was I? Oh, yeah! Becca's the most dangerous. Keep an extra eye on her." Your brows furrowed._

_"Isn't James the most dangerous? Besides, she doesn't sound like she would even swat a fly to me." You shrugged._

_"Did I forget to mention that she's seven fucking teen years old?"_

_Your eyes widened. "Teenager." You whispered._

_"Exactly!" Tony pointed at you. "Teenager. It means increased sexual hormones! She crushes on boys with a bad boy look, mysterious aura, etcetera, etcetera. Keep a tight leash on her. I don't want a scandal, and I don't want another one of my PR knowing and cleaning up Barnes' shits."_

"Oh, what's that?" Becca ran to your nightstand, grabbing the framed picture on it.

You rushed towards him-- her, attempting to grab the picture from his-- her prying hand. She raised it above her head, craning her neck to look as she pushed your face away with the other hand.

"You fucking shit..." You gritted your teeth. "Give it back!"

You raised your hand and jumped, hoping to steal the picture away. She stood on her tiptoes and pushed you to the bed.

You landed with a gasp. You crawled to her and shook her as you watched her body almost look like she was combusted. You lightly slapped her face. You were starting to panic when you noticed the big grin on her face.

"What's his name?" She asked excitedly. She showed the picture and pointed at a face.

To be honest, you expected Steve to be the one she's pointing at, so when you caught the face, you nearly fell back in shock.

You contemplated whether to tell her a private information and not. You decided on the former. Who wouldn't when you have someone looking at you like she was gonna kill you in your sleep if you didn't answer?

"Tell me or I'll break this." She threatened, smiling sweetly.

"It's uh--" You gulped. "Sam... Sam Wilson."

She was practically jumping up and down in total elation. It was as if she won a five hundred thousand dollars lottery. Only then would you jump like what she was currently doing. Then, she stopped and stared at you.

"What are you to him?" She crossed her arms.

_Oh, my God. Is it what I'm thinking?_

"Yep! I got my eyes on him! My god, look at him! He radiates hotness! Why don't you tell--" Her eyes narrowed at you, making you step back. "Are you his girlfriend?"

"No, no! I'm not!" You frantically replied.

She heaved in relief, straightening her back. "Good, 'cause I don't know what I'm gonna do to anyone who tries to steal my man."

"Your man?" You screamed. "How is he your man? You haven't even met him yet!"

"Shh, shh!" She put her index fingers on your lips. "Shut your mouth, you mouthy bitch."

You pulled away from her. "Shut your vulgar mouth, you needy teenager!"

Your eyes shot wide. You ducked your head and closed your eyes, expecting any physical attack from her. You peeked when you didn't feel anything. She was smirking.

_Oh, I don't like what that means._

She bolted to your phone that was on the nightstand. You didn't process what was happening first, and when you finally did, she was running out of your room.

"FRIDAY, don't you dare let Bucky out this floor without me!"

"On it."

You ran after Rebecca who was trying to open every door she encountered. You wished that the party was still going and that they wouldn't go in anytime soon. Not after you dealt with Becca.

You put your hands on your thighs, panting. "Sam is-- Sam's room is not in this floor, Becca."

She turned to you, rolling her eyes. She showed her tongue.

She's not a teenager. She's a child!

You resisted the urge to smack her head right there and then. You hoped bribing works on her like it would to any child.

"Come, I'll shave it." You saw Becca thinking from the distance.

You were considering promising her Sam when she nodded and ran to you. You closed your eyes in relief, thanking the big man for making this easier for you. You pushed her in your room, making her glare at you.

You raised your index and middle finger for a peace sign. "Don't get out 'til I get back, 'kay? I'll just get shaving cream."

You didn't wait for a response before locking her in.

You dashed in the elevator, which automatically opened, towards the floor which was holding the party. "Don't let her get out of my room, FRIDAY."

"Yep." The AI replied.

You tapped your foot against the floor as you waited to be delivered to your designated floor. When the elevator door opened, you jumped out and sprinted to the party.

"Whoa, hey there, babysitter!" Tony slurred.

You didn't pay attention to him and ran to Steve. You pulled his wrist. "Please come, I need your help!"

Steve shot on his sit. "What happened?"

"Bucky." It was all you needed to convince him to come with you.

"Stop stealing my guests, Y/n! You already have Barnes!" You heard Tony call in the background.

You didn't know how it happened but Steve was now the one pulling your wrist. A step to you was triple to him. You considered jumping on his back in order to not slow him down.

You planted your feet on the ground, making him stop to look at you in question.

"We need shaving cream first."

_

"So who's out?" Steve asked.

"Becca." You saw his grip on the container tightened. You reached out to it, so he wouldn't accidentally squeeze it.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"'S okay." You yawned. You rubbed your eye in sleepiness.

The elevator door opened. You heard screams and pounding from your room. Uh oh.

"You locked her in?" Steve's voice was laced with amusement.

You nodded as an answer, fidgeting with your fingers. You wished to find your room in a clean condition once you got in. You hoped she didn't throw a tornado in it.

When you both reached your room, you slowly opened the door. You met Becca's blazing eyes first thing.

You backed away, afraid that you would be accidentally choked to death.

"You fucking locked me!" Before she could lay a hand on you, Steve stepped in and grabbed her shoulder.

"Hello, Becca." Steve greeted with a smile.

Becca that was fuming with anger, slowly cooled down at the sight of Steve.

"Heya, Stevie."

_

"What?" You screamed in disbelief.

"Not so loud, geezer." Becca rubbed her ear, staying as still as she could.

"Language." Steve barked.

"Yeah, yeah, you're so boring." Becca mocked. "Anyway, yeah, I cut my bangs myself."

You looked at the uneven cut of Bucky's hair. Well, that made sense. You always wondered why and after hearing Becca tell you about her cutting Bucky's hair, it all clicked. Now, you were left with your imagination. What did he look like with bangs?

You snickered, earning a look on Becca.

"There. All finished." Steve announced, wiping the last bit of shaving cream off Becca's face.

Becca beamed and ran out of the bathroom, only to slip and fall face first.

Steve and you bolted to her side. He rubbed his temples as you lightly slap Becca's face.

"Hey, Becca, you alright? Can you hear me? Becca, hey!" Steve stopped you. He shook his head.

"I'll carry him to the infirmary." You turned Bucky's body so he was laying on his back.

"You sure? He's quite heavy." You said as Steve put his arm under the back of Bucky's knees.

"Super Soldier," Steve replied. He put his other arm under the back of Bucky's neck and lifted him.

Your body shot up when Steve grunted and almost fell to his butt. Steve smiled in assurance, though you still watched and followed him to the infirmary.

"I'll tend to him. Go to sleep."

"What? You sure? Maybe I can--" You tried to protest but it was Captain America you were facing. You wouldn't win, especially when he was giving you the eyebrows.

"Okay then." You marched to your room. Only then did you feel the lack of sleep after the adrenaline rush Becca gave you.

You fell on your bed when you got in your room. Sleep almost took over you complete until you heard a knock.

"Y/n? You called me? Y/n?"

You scanned the room for your phone, seeing it almost on the edge of your bed. You crawled to it and saw Sam's contact number. While you were getting Steve, Becca was calling Sam on your phone.

You groaned, falling on your back. "Go away! I didn't call you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not actually that confident in this chapter. I feel like I just squeezed this out of my brain and put it in words over and over again. If I had a dollar every time I used 'but', 'look', 'turned', 'and', etc., I'd be a wealthy lady. I'm also not sure if I got the trigger words correct in Russian... Peace yooww!
> 
> Don't worry. I plan on editing this in the future once I finish this fic. :)
> 
> btw, this was what I was referring to about the bangs!
> 
> I hope you had/have a good day! Remember to spread love, not hate. <3


	14. All Alters Break Loose

Bucky woke up to the sound of camera flashes.

He bolted up into a sitting position, startling you who was laying on his chest. You rubbed the sleep away from your eyes before you watching him strangely. He closed his eyes in exhilaration. Something might have happened.

"What's your name?" You asked.

"It's me, Bucky." You sighed in relief, falling back on the bed.

"What happened?" Bucky asked. His eyes moved from you to Tony and Natasha, the former hiding a camera behind his back.

"Well..."

___

**_3:17 AM_ **

You were barely asleep when your phone rang.

You wanted to throw a tantrum. You wanted to shout at whoever was calling your phone to fuck themselves. You wanted to throw your phone in the depth of an ocean. You wanted to sleep under a rock so that no one would interrupt your sleep anymore.

With a heavy heart and eyes, you reached for your phone. You didn't even look at the contact number. You just answered straight away.

You groaned at the phone, hoping that whoever was on the other line would get the meaning and that they wouldn't make fun of you.

"Jeffrey Hanz is out!"

There was no other way. You had to get up whether you got a wink of sleep or not.

You grabbed your mobile phone and dashed out of your room to the elevator.

"Where are you?"

"We're on the way to the kitchen. He said he wanted to cook." You could faintly hear Jeffrey on the background complaining about starving them.

You rubbed your temple as you pushed the button to the kitchen."I'm really sorry, Steve. Please watch him for me. I'm on my way."

Steve said that it was no problem and that he would do anything for Bucky before the call ended.

You held your head in your hands. _When will this night end? I don't think I can deal with it anymore._

The second the elevator opened was the second Jeffrey's loud voice boomed in your senses. You hoped he would be easier to handle than Becca who exhausted you even from just thinking of her.

If you weren't sleepy, the sight of Steve and Jeffrey would have made you laugh.

"Dance off, golden boy! Show me your moves!" Jeffrey harrassed Steve.

Steve awkwardly smiled, putting his hands up in surrender. "No, thank you. I got two left feet."

Jeffrey clicked his tongue. "What a shame. Every dame would have fallen for yer looks."

You noticed Jeffrey's hair was combed back like Steve. You shot Steve a questioning look, who shrugged, before making yourself known.

Jeffrey's mouth fell open as he took you in. "You're Bucky's girlfriend!"

He rushed to you, checking your physical state. When he saw nothing wrong, he released a relieved breath. "Oh, I thought something bad happened to you!"

 _Oh._ You completely forgot that when you were being held hostage was the first time you met Jeffrey. You kind of forgot when he brought a toy gun, and you just had to voice it.

"How's your gun?" Jeffrey tilted his head at your question.

For a moment, you thought he was going to shoot you so you slightly hid behind Steve.

"The gun?" Jeffrey asked, though to himself.

"Oh, the gun! Yes, the gun! I don't know why it didn't work," He rubbed his face irritatedly. "I made it myself. It should have worked. Maybe 'cause I detached some pieces from Lang's shitty car."

You couldn't follow Jeffrey, so you let him have a conversation with himself.

"Never mind it! What's important is that I have a lovely lady like you alive and kicking," Jeffrey turned from you to the fridge. "Do you have any food here? I'm starving."

_

Jeffrey moaned against the fried chicken leg.

He was eating like a starved man. Table manners didn't matter as long as he had food to fill his hunger. You could hear him chewing the food, slurping at whatever, and it made you shudder.

Since you were cooking for Jeffrey, you decided to cook for the whole team now so that when they woke, they would only eat. You glanced at Steve who had his hand supporting the side of his face with his eyes closed. It was no doubt that even with the super soldier serum Steve still wanted to sleep. Just like you.

You commanded FRIDAY to inform the team, especially Sam if Becca ever came out, to not stay in their rooms unless you told them the cost was clear.

You considered napping. You were a light sleeper. You would wake if something weird happened. So you laid your head on the table and closed your eyes. The position wasn't comfortable, but you would choose uncomfortable than no sleep. You were nearing the gates of dreamland until Jeffrey The Sleep Stealer pulled you to reality.

The reality which had him dancing and drinking liquor. You didn't even have the time to wonder where he got that.

Jeffrey's was in the air to the sides as he swung and swapped his legs. He was dancing naturally. His moves were old-fashioned and so was the music which you didn't know how he got access to. For all you knew, he didn't know he could command FRIDAY.

"Won't you join me, pretty lady?" Jeffrey invited, his words slightly slurring.

You shook your head no, that made him frown. Why bother asking when he wouldn't like it when you answer?

You looked at Steve who was still sleeping despite the noises. You huffed before marching towards Jeffrey who had a big grin on his face.

"Show me your moves, girl. I want to know how you do it." Jeffrey took a swing to his beer as he winked at you.

Your faces flushed.

_What moves do I know? The dance in the Single Ladies MV? It's too diva for me. Twerk? No, absolutely not! Belly dancing? I can't stomach dancing to Shakira's Hips Don't Lie when I know I'll look like a dying worm. Lap dance? Okay, that's it! I don't trust my mind anymore._

After recalling The Last Dance video of Chris Everest and Eliza Olsen, you decided to just do the classic can-can, earning a raised brow from Jeffrey. It was as if he was saying, "Really? That's all you can do?"

Just when you were deciding to dance Single Ladies, Jeffrey grabbed your hands and twirled you around. He smiled down at you when he had you pinned against his chest. You looked in his eyes and got lost by its ability to display the emotions, and warmth of Bucky and his alters.

And FRIDAY... FRIDAY had a mind of its own. The super AI played classic slow music.

You and Jeffrey were swaying along with the music. You had your right hand on his left shoulder and your left hand in his right hand. He had his left hand resting on your wast. He lifted your left hand and twirled you again. Your breath hitched when you saw him still sporting a wide smile.

The dance could go on forever. You wouldn't say anything against it. You slowly laid your head on his sturdy chest. You could feel his calm heartbeat on your temple and it was lulling you to sleep like a lullaby.

But nothing lasted forever. Jeffrey pulled away from you and went to the kitchen table where he gulped down the remaining beer.

You sat across him and watched him wolf down the liquor. He glanced at you before averting it and looked at Steve instead. He placed the empty glass down on the table.

"I wanna sleep. Tell Barnes I said hey." You stood up excitedly. This was going to be easier than you thought.

"I'll take you to your room. I'll just wake this guy up." You gestured to Steve whose head now lay on top of his arms on the table.

You shook Steve awake. "Hey, Steve, you can go to your room and sleep now."

Steve groaned before following you and Jeffrey to the elevator.

You waved goodbye to Steve as you dragged Jeffrey by his arm to Bucky's room. You didn't bother checking anything else before you pushed Jeffrey to the bed. He gave you a slight glare before disregarding the blanket and closed his eyes.

You waited for his breath to even out before you laid yourself on his couch in case anything else happened. You immediately fell asleep once you closed your eyes.

___

**_3:45 AM_ **

_\--Il me parle tout bas_  
_Je vois la vie en rose_

_Il me dit des mots d'amour_  
_Des mots de tous les jours._

You jerked awake.

You frantically searched for the source of music. Your eyes landed to Bucky who was reading a book on his bed. You laid back on his couch

"Only death can set you free."

Your blood froze because of his words. There was only one alter who would say that. You instantly sat and turned to him.

"Jonathon?" You squeaked.

Jonathon glanced at you then nodded.

"How I developed this kind of thinking I don't know," Jonathon said, his eyes on his book. "The moment I realized what death could do, I fell in love."

_Please, not now._

You slowly approached him, your hands outstretched.

"I wanted to set us all free. Free from the suffering, free from judgment. It was so dark. The worst feelings were there," You sat on the side of the bed. You figured he was talking about their time under HYDRA. "I starved. They beat me like a punching bag, and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't fight back, so I just welcomed it all. The pain, the shame."

The strings in your heart pulled at Jonathon's confession.

"Then she came, like a candle in a dark room. She gave a meaning to my life," He looked at you. "She is my queen. She is our queen."

Jonathon cupped your face. He leaned in, letting his breath touch your face. You unconsciously closed your eyes and leaned into his touch. He brought you to his shoulders and caressed you.

"Thank you," He whispered in your ear. "Thank you for stopping me. I wanted to die and drag them with me. They didn't like that. They don't want to die, so thank you for stopping me that day."

You pulled from him. "Can I trust you not to do that anytime soon?"

Jonathon shrugged before he combed your hair with his fingers. "I don't have any desire to die as of the moment."

You nodded. "By the way," You started. "What's with the music and that?" You pointed at a sketchpad.

"We danced to this song." He answered.

Your head tilted. "Who?"

Jonathon didn't answer you, instead, he reached for his sketchpad and gave it to you.

"Are you sure?" He nodded as an answer.

You shakingly opened and gasped at what you saw. It was calligraphy and a sketch of the soldier, or at least, James' figure. The sketch was rough. He was wearing a mask that covered the lower half of his face. You could only make out his messy hair and stormy eyes. Then, you noticed a slim hand on his shoulder.

You wanted to ask Jonathon what was supposed to mean. You wanted to ask him why there was a seemingly woman's hand on James' shoulder as if she was supporting him. Was she the queen? You didn't know.

The next page, you saw calligraphy and a sketch of Jefferson. He was like what you pictured he would look like. His short hair was perfectly combed back. He had lines on his face that made you assumed he was in his late forties or early fifties. He had the drunkard grin on his face too. Was this how he really looked like?

Next was Rebecca's. Her hair was short and curled. She had a flirtatious smile on her face. You couldn't help but run your fingers over it. She was beautiful.

However, you weren't ready for what you saw next. It was a self-portrait and calligraphy of Jonathon's first name (like the previous ones), but you weren't prepared for the sketch. What greeted you was a drawing of a young man, no older than twenty. His frame was small and he had a pair of glasses on. He looked so frail and breakable.

You couldn't look at it anymore. It seemed as if you were looking at something you shouldn't be looking at.

You closed his sketchpad and gave it back to him, but he stopped you midway.

"You don't wanna see the queen?" Jonathon asked in a small voice that made you rethink your sins and ask for forgiveness.

You nodded and flipped through the pages. Jonathon slipped his hands on top of you and locked it with his. He then turned to the next page, and what you saw would have been the reason why you got in the hospital.

It was a portrait of you with 'the queen' in the fanciest handwritten font you have ever seen in your whole life. You lost your breath, and the ability to think more than how the heck you were 'the queen'?

"I-- I am the queen?" You were at lost of words.

How could you react better if a man confessed his appreciation for you like how Jonathon just did?

And Jonathon, being the mysterious little shi-- guy he was, didn't answer. He kissed your forehead before leaving you with a more confusing statement.

"I have to go. She wants out." Jonathon announced.

Your blood froze for the second time.

_She? Who's she? Rebecca? Becca? Ugh, I don't wanna deal with her right now!_

"Be-- Becca?" You asked.

Jonathon shook his head no before laying on the bed and closing his eyes.  
You tried. You really tried to stay awake, but the sleepiness won. You ended up laying on the other side of the bed.

___

**_Present_ **

You mentally cringed. You didn't include the unknown she-alter in your storytelling, and you knew they were going to flip once they found out that you knew but didn't inform them. ** _  
_**

"Wow." That was all Bucky managed to let out.

"Yes, wow, indeed," Tony said, marching to the exit of the room. He stopped, turned, and winked at you.

"By the way, babysitter, you got some serious dance moves." He danced the can-can dance before laughing himself out Bucky's room, Natasha behind him.

You put your palm flat on your eyes and groaned.

"All alters except the soldier came out?" Bucky asked.

"Yep."

"Why?"

You shrugged. "Maybe it's the calm before the storm."

Then your eyes widened once you processed your own words.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chris Everest and Eliza Olsen? wtf? I'm so sorry. That's all I can do :(( ... Also, any sentence/s with a present tense of verbs is the reader's thoughts I might have forgotten to italized. 
> 
> Anyway, LET ME READ YOUR THOUGHTS. LET ME READ YOUR CRIES. LET ME PICTURE YOUR HOLLERS. KILLJOYS, MAKE SOME NOISE (bless whoever got that reference).
> 
> I hope you had/have a good day. Remember to spread love, not hate. <3


	15. The Granddaughter

"Remind me why you're here again?"

"Apparently, Tony-- that fucker-- thinks that we should be attached to the hips." You frowned, shifting on your feet.

"I don't like an audience," Bucky said. He looked down at his watch to check the time.

"And I don't like third wheeling. We're both victims here." You hissed.

Silenced passed between the two of you before you decided to break it again.

"Look, I'll stay a few tables away," You scanned the restaurant and pointed at an empty table. "There. I'll seat there."

Bucky nodded in agreement. He looked down at you and gripped your shoulder with a small smile. "I owe you one, doll."

You waved it off. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don't get too used to it."

You walked away on shaky knees before Bucky could say anything else. Your heartbeat was beating fast.

_No, no, you can't! You can't let him do that to you again!_

You quickly went to the table and sat on the chair that was facing his table. You awkwardly waved, your lips pulled tight. He raised his hand and smiled. Fuck, that was so cute. You shook your thoughts off before ducking down. You pulled out the phone Tony made himself and insisted you have.

Well, to say that the phone was impressive would be an understatement. It had a tracker in it so that if something happened, the team would know where you were without hacking anything. And, dear lord, when you browsed your social media accounts, the internet was so fast that you could compare it to lightning. Not to mention the fact that It would likely take days to drain the phone's battery.

It was useful, especially in this kind of situation.

**13 HOURS AGO**

"'Sup, Tinman?" Sam 'greeted' Bucky when he walked in the kitchen.

You raised your cup of coffee to Bucky's way which he replied with a nod.

It had been six days since the alters break loose. It freaked Bucky out that he subtly stayed in your presence. It didn't help that Bucky didn't remember anything that could possibly trigger his alters out. And it certainly didn't help either that there was no possible suspect. The guests were all checked by FRIDAY.

Then suddenly, as if there was a click in Bucky's mind, he snapped his head up that had you worried if he snapped his head to death. Your cup nearly fell out of your hand.

"Jesus Christ, Buck!" You put the cup on the table. "You fucking startled me!"

He sent you an apologetic look before asking, "What date is it today?"

"I think it's twenty-six. Why?" You tilted your head.

Sam whistled then turned to you. "He's got a date and he forgot it's today."

Your lips turned downward.

_Date? But he doesn't-- Oh._

You completely forgot about Millie.

Why were you so disappointed? It wasn't as if he felt something more than a friend to you even before you knew about Millie. You were over it. You had a talk with yourself. He wasn't yours, and he would never be.

A woman like you with a man like him? That was like asking for trouble and making it double. Dealing with your problems was enough. Dealing with yours and him? That was more than enough. You liked him so much, but you didn't think you both could work together. You had issues, he had many. You were just going to weigh down each other with your problems.

He didn't deserve you.

And if that was what you thought, then _you_ truly _didn't deserve him_.

You bitterly smiled.

"So what do we do?" You put your elbows on the table and looked up.

**PRESENT**

Almost twenty minutes passed after you entered the restaurant with Bucky.

The food you ordered was almost consumed. You were pretty sure you saw the waitress assigned to you give you a judging look before it melted into a practiced smile when you caught her.

Your eye twitched when you saw Millie feed Bucky with her fork. She took a napkin and wiped the corner of his mouth then made an expression that looked like she was giggling. Your grip on your silverware tightened as your eyes narrowed.

It all turned to dust when Bucky shifted in his seat and ever so subtly looked back in your way. You, of course, looked down to your food and ate. You feigned surprise when you met Bucky's gaze. Bucky turned back to Millie who was snaking her fingers on his elbows. You rolled your eyes before taking a hurried gulp of water.

You lightly choked on your drink. You were quick to cover your mouth and filter the noise you made. Once you calmed down, you took deep breaths while also lecturing yourself.

You shouldn't even feel that way. You didn't have the right to act so jealous.

You put your fork down and examined the place. It was well decorated. The color of the walls fit well with the choice of furnitures, and the music that was playing in the background was your aesthetic. It was the perfect romantic restaurant.

Now that you thought of it, no one ever took you out on a date in this place. You meant, it was kind of pricey. Now, you felt like you attracted just the cheap guys.

Why couldn't they take you to dates like this? Why couldn't they be as gorgeous as him? Why couldn't they be as mysterious as him? Why couldn't they be as surprising as him? Why couldn't they be as addictive as him?

You knew you weren't being unfair. It wasn't their fault that you were interested in a taken man. It also wasn't their fault that you kept comparing him to them. They were their own person, he was his own person. But why did you feel like he was yours?

You looked at him and your heart instantly reacted by jumping. They were still talking but _Millie's_ facial expression now turned serious.

You adjusted your blonde, jaw-length wig. As much as you wanted to listen, you respected both their privacy. Whatever it was that was happening, it was their business and theirs alone. You didn't have a say in that.

You averted your eyes. You couldn't take a look at them without getting curious. You subtly scanned the restaurant, eyes going wide when you saw a familiar blonde come in. It was Kim!

You slightly ducked your head, looking as unrecognizable as you could, but your eyes were still on her. Then your eyes shifted to the one following after her. Your eyes were as wide as saucers now. Fuck, it was Sam, Lauren's fiance!

You watched as they slid in a table more than ten feet away from you. The table was just as romantic as Bucky and Millie's. You didn't want to call infidelity yet, but they did something that proved you wrong. Sam leaned to Kim and covered her mouth with his.

_Oh, fuck this!_

You groaned, falling back on your chair. What the fuck happened when you were gone? Did it happen before or after you moved out of the apartment? You swore if it happened after you moved out of the apartment, you were going to flip the table. But at the look of it, it seemed that it was going on even before you moved out.

You rested your chin against your palm. You felt like you had so many in your plate. You had to look out to Bucky _and_ Millie and Sam and Kim.

Your gaze fell back on Bucky's table. Whatever they were talking about was getting serious. You noticed Bucky's straight back and tensed shoulder and Millie's grim expression. Bucky ran a hand to his hair as his metal arm that was on his lap circled into a tight fist.

Your guard was immediately up.

_What if James shows up? What if he suddenly pops up, and boom, the whole World knows!_

Suddenly, Bucky stood, unintentionally pushing back his chair from his abruptness. He turned and looked at you with a look you surprisingly could understand. You waited until he passed you before raising your hand and waving at the waitress to get your bill.

You impatiently tapped your feet against the ground as you waited for your bill. The seconds were ticking like a bomb. You were afraid that you wouldn't be there when it exploded. The waitress pulled you out of your thoughts. You quickly took a paper bill in your wallet and left it on top of the table.

You followed after Bucky, nearly running and no doubt made the customers suspicious about your speed. You ducked and avoided taking a route near Sam and Kim's table, making your job harder.

Eventually, you were out of the restaurant and walking to the car Tony let you both borrowed. You get inside the passenger seat and Bucky wasted no time speeding off. You held on tightly at the back of the leather seat, closing your eyes and nearly screaming at the speed. It was like the time when James took you to-- why were you thinking about him?

You couldn't take it anymore. You had to drive before you were both called out for a ticket. You repeated hit Ja-- Bucky's arm.

Bucky turned to you with an annoyed look. "What?"

You gulped, shiting in your seat. "Stop the car! I'll drive!"

"No," Bucky responded, going even faster.

You pulled his hair, making him yelp. "I'll drive!"

"No!"

"Pull off! You're gonna kill us both!"

"I won't!"

"You're going sixty, oh, my god!"

You screamed and closed your eyes. Bucky unexpectedly stopped the car, making you slide a few inches on your seat. You peeked an eye open and saw Bucky looking at you expectantly. He literally pulled off in the middle of the road! That bastard!

You glared at him before looking behind to see if there was a car approaching. You faced James and glared.

"If you drove without me, I'll tell Tony." You threatened.

Bucky just gave you a stoic look, and if you had stared longer, you would both be locked in a staring contest. One that you wouldn't win.

You quickly opened the passenger seat and ran to the driver's seat. You received a few honks, making you work faster and more nervous. Your hands shook as you opened the driver's seat and as you took the steering wheel when you slid in.

Bucky's merely moved to the passenger seat while you had to endure all that horror. You glared at him before starting the car.

You surprised him when instead of driving back to the Avengers tower, you pulled at a bar.

It was like just seconds passed since the restaurant. You were now in a bar with Bucky and drinking your hearts out. Your vision was now slightly spinning, but when you looked at Bucky and he smiled at you, all your worries disappeared. You gave him a lopsided grin after you downed your glass, trickle of alcohol running down the corner of your lips.

You wiped the trickle with your sleeve before you leaned towards him. At this point, Bucky had more drinks than you. He looked just as wasted as you were and your vision was spinning. You doubt he would remember anything about this evening. However, in your eyes, he looked as much captivating as he was when sober.

"James Buchanan Barnes," You looked deeply at the different shades of blue in his eyes. "The original owner of the JBB body. Did I already tell you how dashing you look?"

Bucky laughed and shook his head, ordering another glass of whiskey.

"Well, now you know," Your lips turned down. "How about how wonderful you are? Did I already say that to you? You are. No matter what they think, no matter what you think. You, sir, are housing three personalities. One which I'm not very fond of. You're like, you know, mean girls but it's all you? You don't need a gang anymore 'cause you are the gang!"

You laughed at your own jokes. Bucky let out a chuckle too.

You leaned back. You put your head on top of the table before laying your head on it and looking at him sideways. You softly smiled as he downed the glass of whiskey like it was water. His head might be pounding now. Even with a super soldier serum, you doubt he could survive something like that.

"Why Millie?" You couldn't help but blurt out the words. Bucky looked at you seriously before dropping his gaze. "I'm sorry. Just-- ignore that, please."

"Millie-- she's the only connection I have back in the forties. She looked just like her, but a brunette." You didn't expect Bucky to answer but now that he had, he pushed you to curiosity hole more.

"There's this redhead I met. I remember spending a lot of money to win her a stuffed toy," Bucky was reminiscing. You could tell by the glint in his eyes and the way he smiles. Kind of like he was telling a story from his childhood. You appreciated him opening up to you. You knew he had issues, though the Avengers were there to help, you knew it was still there. "I ended up with a hungry stomach, but the thought of making a dame like her happy was enough."

You stopped in your tracks.

Could he do that to you? Would he starve himself just to make you happy? No, what a silly thought! The day you let him starve on his own was the day you die. You knew you would starve if it meant being close to him.

"Millie... She's Dot's granddaughter. I know it's wrong and unfair, but can you really blame me? I have only flashes of memories then I met a girl who looks just like the one in my dreams. It was okay at the beginning, then I met you," Bucky played with the empty glass, circling it inside his hands. "It's like they all want to be out. I've been having the same dreams, nightmares since I met you."

All of a sudden, Bucky reached your chin. Your breath hitched when he pulled your face close to his.

"And now I wonder why," There was almost no distance between you and him now. You could feel his breath on your nose as you looked up to him. "And who you really are."

Heat exploded in your body when his lips touched yours.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii!!! I'm so sorry this took long. As I said, updates will be once a week. I'll do this thing in which I will only reply to your comments when I already updated a new chapter. But I always check my inbox like a mad man, so you can tell that I read the comments even before replying (this will happen in all my fics, except my 2017-2018 ones bruh pls take care of urself and don't ever read any of them).
> 
> I think you will benefit from it too because just an increase in number in your inbox will tell you I updated. I don't know. I'm not sure. *cringe alert idniana*
> 
> I don't even know what I'm doing anymore!!! 
> 
> Anyway, my birthdate is today, so this is kinda a present from me to myself and to you guys who are reading this fic with patience and a deep understanding because this fic didn't really start in a good form??? I think the first chapters are soooo cringyyyyyyy....
> 
> I have a question for you guys!
> 
> 1\. Which alter do you want to see next? Why?
> 
> Also, special mention to my person, Dot, who's been there from the start. I love you so much :3
> 
> Remember to spread love, not hate.


	16. What Happened?

_All of a sudden, Bucky reached your chin. Your breath hitched when he pulled your face close to his._

_"And now I wonder why," There was almost no distance between you and him now. You could feel his breath on your nose as you looked up to him. "And who you really are."_

_Heat exploded in your body when his lips touched yours._

___

A hazy light pink greeted your vision.

You blinked, chasing the sleep away from your eyes. You felt for your phone on the nightstand. You frowned when you didn't find it. You reached under your pillows to see if you somehow put it under there when you got back.

_When I got back... Fuck, when did I got back?_

You sat, reminiscing the night.

_"And now I wonder why," Bucky leaned into you, gazing deeply in your eyes._

_You couldn't escape his eyes that trapped you in its splashing waves which threatened to drown you but still got you under its spell, unmoving._

_"And who you really are," Bucky then did what you thought he would never do. He kissed you._

He. Kissed. You.

But what happened after that? You were quite tipsy last night. You were bolder than your usual self, but not stupid. You had a feeling that you stopped the kiss in a way you didn't want to know what, but you also had a feeling that you shamelessly kissed back.

You fell back on your back, your phone was now forgotten. All you could think about were his soft, plump lips and how it felt on you. You brought your fingers to your lips, closing your eyes at the thrills the memory brought you.

You covered yourself with your blanket. Your face was heating up with embarrassment and hope for romance. _He kissed me._ You let out a squeal, not caring if you alerted an Avenger. You kicked your feet up, trashing completely on your bed.

Did he remember anything that happened last night? Was he also thinking about your lips?

Shush! You should be wishing that Bucky couldn't remember anything!

_Oh, my god. Can he remember? He drank a lot last night. He probably had a heavy hangover now. But he's still a super soldier. Maybe the serum would help his hangover. Or maybe, please let it just be a maybe, he wasn't drunk last night?_

Again, you kicked up against the blanket and turned on your stomach. You groaned in your pillow, muffling the sounds you made.

_How could I? He just went after a breakup! He'll think I took advantage of him and avoid me like a plague when he finds out!_

Could your thoughts stop? You just wanted to sleep forever now and forget everything.

___

You were walking on your tiptoes, trying to make as littlest sound as you could.

You didn't even know why you were doing that. The tower was almost full of agents. It wasn't like they wouldn't notice your odd behavior. If anything, you just exposed yourself to them. At that, you rested your whole weight on your feet fully.

You peeked inside the kitchen, praying that no one else was there, especially _him_.

"Hey, man."

You flinched, turning around behind you to face the newcomer. It was Sam. You glared at him which made him raise his brows.

"What?" Sam asked. "You hidin' from someone?"

You narrowed your eyes, prompting him to say more.

"Oh, you are!" Sam mused.

You quickly jumped to him, attempting to cover his mouth which was letting out loud laughs that would surely alert anyone. Sam threw his head back and blocked your hands with his elbows.

"Shut up!" You hissed.

Sam cackled even louder. Your eye twitched in annoyance. You couldn't cover his mouth, so you settled with pinching his arms real hard. He swatted your hands away as he made a pained noise. He rubbed the spot you pinched.

"That really hurts," Sam said, making you smile proudly at yourself.

"Good job." _His_ voice made you freeze.

You were avoiding him all this time. You were convinced at one point that you were doing quite a good job, but when _he_ found you like this because you let your guard down? It was beyond embarrassing in your part.

_Maybe if I act as if nothing happened, nothing would happen. After all, I'm not even sure if he remembers anything. If I made it obvious that I'm avoiding him, then he'll suspect a thing._

You cleared your throat, turned to him, and smiled. "I know, right?"

You fought the want to cringe and mentally knock yourself out. For all the responses you could've said, you chose that?

"Shut up, tinman," Sam crossed his arms over his chest. "You don't want me pulling that toy arm off you."

"As if you can." Bucky rolled his eyes and passed from the both of you to head to the kitchen.

You noticed Bucky was wearing a shirt and sweatpants which were his workout outfit.

"At least I don't trip 'cause of my arrogant ass," Sam followed Bucky in the kitchen. "You set it to the fastest only to fall off it, huh? FRIDAY, did you record it?"

"Yes, I have it recorded, Sir Wilson." The AI replied.

You turned and strangely looked at one of the speakers. _Sir Wilson?_

"Fuck you." Bucky pointed a butter knife at Sam's direction.

"I'm too fab for you, Barnes. You can't handle me."

Instead of saying a remark, Bucky faced you, that, once again, left you frozen. He smiled that dashing smile of his. A boyish grin with shining eyes that would have you under control anytime.

"Hey," Bucky went on as if the exchange between him and Sam didn't happen. "You alright?"

"Yep," You grabbed a glass and filled it with water. "You? Any hangover?"

"Super soldier," Bucky answered. "Can't get drunk."

You choked on your drink.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

There was a red alarm going on in your head. There was a breach and you didn't know how to counter it.

You wiped the water that escaped your lips with your the back of your wrist. _Play it cool. You don't remember anything._ You creased your brows.

"You remember what happened last night?" You foolishly asked.

Bucky looked down, smiled, then look back up to you again. "Yes."

Wrong question. The siren in your head got louder.

"I-- I don't remember anything about last night," You looked down and played with your fingers. "Did I do anything stupid?"

Bucky smirked at that. "No, doll, you did fine."

Your face flushed.

 _Why is he like that? Is that how he copes with breakups?_ _No, it's all him. I saw him 'flirting' with Nat almost three days ago. Steve also mentioned about Bucky being a womanizer back in the forties. Maybe he's just getting back to himself, and it's good news! You're somehow helping him get back to his old self._

You smiled. "Did I?"

Bucky stopped spreading peanut butter on his bread. He stared at you. You didn't back away and stared back.

"Okay, okay, enough with the eye-fucking," Sam interrupted. "You got a Millie for fuck's sake, Barnes!"

The name 'Millie' broke the staring contest happening between you two.

Bucky averted his gaze and rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish look. "About that..."

Sam pointed a finger at Bucky. "Finally! I'm getting disgusted day by day knowing you're screwing your dead girlfriend's great-granddaughter!"

To your surprise, Bucky feigned hurt. "Hey, I'm not that old!"

"Yes, you are."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"You are."

"You are."

"You are!" Sam clapped his hands. "Hah! Thought you could cheat me, huh? I'm the master of misdirection, and you're just a peasant beneath my feet."

Bucky frowned and rolled his eyes. He clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"Mark this day, soldier. This is the day when I beat you. This is the day when I had you in my mercy!" Sam guffawed.

Speaking of the day...

Your eyes widened.

"Guys, what date is it today?" You asked.

"May seventeen. Why?"

"Fuck! I have a book-reading event today!"

___

You adjusted your sunglasses.

You lightly nudged Bucky's arm who groaned. You snickered when you reminded yourself of what he looked like.

The man seating next to you had his hair in a bun, a pair of glasses resting on top of his pointed nose. He was wearing a red sweater, black jeans, and of course, the classic glove. Fortunately, Tony approved you to go, in fact, he pushed you to go but not without threatening convincing Bucky to come as well. The costume was Tony and Sam's idea.

"You look good, Barnes." You teased.

"I look like a dancing monkey," Bucky grumbled.

"No, you look," You pulled strands of his hair off the bun and into the side of his face. "Nerdy."

You leaned back and smiled at your work. He looked adorable; manly and girly at the same time. He reminded you of... Of Becca.

"I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing," Bucky said.

You looked around you as you answered, "Trust me, it's a good thing. I always like the nerdy boy look aside from the classic bad boy look."

Bucky faced you. "That's why you can't leave me. You like James."

_Do I like James? No. No, I don't. I really don't. Really, I don't like James. Not at all._

"What? Of course not!" You denied.

Bucky only raised a brow to you. "Don't lie to me, it won't work. Admit it. You like him."

"Okay, fine. Yes, I do. I like him," You rolled your eyes. "Why?"

"You shouldn't. He's an alter. We don't know what's going on in his head. For all we know, you could just be a tool for his big plan in making me sleep forever."

Making him sleep forever?

"Now, why would I do that?" You crossed your arms over your chest.

"I don't know. Maybe because you like him?" Bucky bitterly said.

"What is wrong with you?" You were near pushing him away from you. "Why would I do that? Do you think I even have an idea to do that, huh? What's gotten in your head, Barnes? We were fine a while ago. Why are you suddenly accusing me of planning to what? Run off with James and have a happily ever after with him?"

"I didn't even say that," James huffed. "That's your plan, isn't it? To throw me out of my own body; my own mind?"

"Seriously?" You stood from your seat. You couldn't understand why Bucky was suddenly acting this way.

"I don't know. Seriously?" Bucky's face was challenging. He was challenging you to do more.

You took off your sunglasses and threw it inside your bag. You raised your index finger, wanting to spit out the words that were threatening to spill. You knew it was no good words, so you held it in and bit your bottom lip instead.

"Talk to me when you're in your right mind," You said. "I'm calling Tony to say that I'm going back to the tower. I suddenly feel sick."

Before he could say anything, you left. You left him behind, in his disguise and in the middle of a room full of people. You knew his distrust about new faces, and as much as you wanted to go back in there to take all you said back, you wouldn't. It was a kick to your ego and pride. You knew when you left him that you would regret it later, but you were too clouded in your anger at the moment.

But you didn't really go back to the tower. You stayed in a cafe near the event. You waited for the people to get out; you waited for him to get out. And when you saw his form, you took a cab to the tower.

It was now night, hours since the small fight, which you didn't know why started, happened. It was quiet, save for the barely heard distant honks outside. You were lying on your back, blankly staring at the ceiling above.

What happened? Why did you two fight? 

You were pulled out from exploring the list of possibilities why you fought when a knock sounded on your door.

"In a minute." You said as you disentangle yourself from your blanket.

You walked barefoot across the room to open the door, not once giving a damn to thought who was behind it.

You nearly shut the door when you met Bucky face to face.

"Wa-- wait! Please, I'm sorry." Bucky was pleading you. Of what? For what? Mercy? Forgiveness?

And you didn't know how but somehow, the two of you fell in the same bed. He held you close, not enough to let you feel his breath but close enough to let you smell him. His presence calmed you and he later lulled you to sleep.

You just hoped your presence calmed him and lulled him to sleep too because you woke up facing him with a smile on your face. He looked like a harmless puppy when he was sleeping. Nothing like the government and tales let people believe. He was included in your 'Protect At All Cost' list along with the Avengers.

So when his eyes fluttered open, your heart jumped up and down in your chest. The thought of being the first person he saw after waking up was heavenly.

"Morning." You greeted in your scratchy, morning voice.

However, his response wasn't the one you were expecting.

"What are you doing here?"

 

Your face scrunched up in confusion. "What do you mean? You came, and we slept together--"

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you up with him. He brought you close, looking at you with blazing eyes and a snarl. "You slept with Barnes?"

_Oh, my fuck. It's--_

"James?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! So instead of following my own schedule and updating this tomorrow, I updated it today. Yay! Anyway, thank you for the birthday greetings last week. I really appreciate it. I love you all!
> 
> I've got questions for y'all!
> 
> 1\. Do you miss a certain alter/character? If yes, who?  
> 2\. Who (alter) do you want to see next?  
> 3\. What are your thoughts in alter x reader, or alter x character? (*wink wonk*)
> 
> That's all, but, please, pray and spread awareness about Sudan. If you don't know what's happening, there's a massacre going on in there. Please search for news articles, posts, etc. about it. #staystrongsudan #blueforsudan 
> 
> Please, spread love, not hate.


	17. Eye For An Eye

"What are you doing here?"

Your face scrunched up in confusion. "What do you mean? You came, and we slept together--"

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you up with him. He brought you close, looking at you with blazing eyes and a snarl. "You slept with Barnes?"

_Oh, my fuck. It's--_

"James?"

He pushed your shoulder down to the bed. He grabbed your other wrist and pinned them both with his hands.

You looked up to his familiar, stormy eyes. The one that connected and tangled you all into this mess. You were supposed to be afraid; to show worry, but you remained fearless as you knew James wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Because even now with your hands above your head and his blazing eyes, his hands were still gentle.

"Why were you on the same bed with him?" James asked.

"He came to me--"

"Why did you open the door for him?" James gritted his teeth. "Are you having a relationship with him when I was gone? Are you aware that he's playing you? He has someone else."

"Why would I do that? I'm not a homewrecker! And for your information, they broke up  yesterday."

"So you saw an opportunity and jumped on it?"

Your mouth hung open in disbelief that deformed in anger. "I'm not a whore!"

James let go of your wrist. He leaned back and looked down. He lightly sucked the inside of his bottom lip, wandering his eyes down. "I never thought you were," His eyes met yours before he averted them. "I'm sorry."

You pushed yourself up. You grabbed his hands, opening his fingers that wanted to hide behind his palms. James looked down further. You frowned.

Was that how much you meant to him? That he was ashamed and wouldn't look at you when he knew he upset you?

You lightly pulled at his hands. You saw his fingers twitched but he remained solid where he was. You pulled again, this time harder, but he still wouldn't budge. You released his hands then reached to his face, your hands caressing his jaw.

You closed your eyes. "I missed you."

James' breath hitched. You felt his head going up as if he didn't believe what he heard. You opened your eyes and met his wide ones.

"I missed you." You repeated.

James opened and closed his mouth. He looked as if he wanted to say something but decided not to. He replaced his wide eyes with emotionless ones before turning away from you with his chest puffed.

Your face scrunched up. Was he really going to be a difficult child?

You called his name which earned a huff from him. You shook your head. _Unbelievable_.

"James," You touched his shoulder. He turned his back to you. You rolled your eyes. "Fine then. I'll go."

You stood up, walking to the door. When you were about to turn the knob, you remembered that it was _your_ room. You faced him, catching his eyes that were watching you before he averted his gaze again. You crossed your arms over your chest.

"Get out." You pointed to the door.

James grumbled under his breath. He reluctantly stood from your bed and stalked to you-- the door. He reached for the knob and glared at you. You were taken back with his attitude, but you fought back. You glared back at him.

James looked at you one more time before opening the door. He stepped out and pulled the knob swiftly to close it. You flinched and closed your eyes, waiting for a loud bang. You peeked an eye open when the door closed quietly. You rubbed your temples.

_Now, I know what parents feel when their child is trying to show his anger but couldn't actually do anything to show it._

You rubbed your temples. What did you even do to attract James? You should blame that thief, Retton, for everything that was happening in your life now.

___

You stood beside Sam, eyeing Bucky's door where James tucked himself away inside.

Sam had his arms crossed while you tapped your foot on the ground in boredom.

"How long have we been standing here?" Sam asked.

"Twenty minutes, I think." You answered, putting a hand in your pocket as you swing your leg.

"And why?"

"Because Tony said so."

Silence.

Sam stared at the closed door, his lips formed a straight line with a pair of eyes glaring ahead. "Fuck Tony."

You nearly snorted. "Same."

Sam banged his hands on the door for like the fifteenth time. "James, if you don't come out right here, right now, I won't hesitate to tie your beloved Y/n--"

"Why me?"

"-- In the middle of the shooting range and have those newbie agents shoot at her."

You looked at Sam. "That won't work," You leaned towards the door, making your voice loud so that James could hear you from the other side. "I mean, if he really cares for me, then he would have come out the moment we got here. If he really cares for me, then he would have noticed that I walk funny because of a gunshot."

Sam shot you a look, smirking at you.

You ducked your head, nearly snorting at your own tactic. "Remember that incident? It was like two to three weeks ago. When you all went to a HYDRA base and left me all alone?" You waved your hands as you mouthed, "Play along."

Sam's brows furrowed as he thought of a good lie to connect to your story. Almost five seconds passed, and you thought you could hear a cricket somewhere in the corridor. Sam stood with his brows still furrowed. He had his eyes trained at the door, standing frozen. You looked from him to the door, lightly pinching your arm as you realized that Sam was raising suspicion.

You were about to change the subject when Sam talked. "Oh."

Your head shot up. "What the fuck?" You mouthed.

"Oh, that time when HYDRA got in Tony's system? Turns out that his system's not that super. HYDRA agents still got in. They even took some workers, including you, hostage," Sam smoothly lied. "Thanks to Captain's spandex, we got you all back, but not without gunshot wounds."

Okay, but why did Steve's spandex have to be mentioned? If Sam wasn't telling you about the woman he liked, you would have had thought he had a crush on Steve.

Eventually, the door opened, and out came James with his signature neutral face.

You backed away along with Sam as James stalked toward you both. You nervously smiled when James faced you.

"What do you want?" James raised a brow.

You studied James. He was trying to look as intimidating as he could stomach around you. His words and mouth were as sharp as the knives he used but as soft as his hair looked the first time you saw Bucky. However, when he turned to Sam, his eyes hardened.

Sam raised his chin, stepping forward just as James did.

"Wilson."

"Soldier."

You mentally facepalmed. Was that necessary? Did they really have to assert dominance?

"James," You called, making James snapped his head to you. "Eat."

James tilted his head as if considering your offer. Your heart quickened with a hope that he would finally give in and eat after fifteen hours locking and starving himself in his room.

"No," James said. He turned away and stalked to his room.

You grabbed his arm before he could pass you. You felt his muscle freeze under your touch. You looked down from his arm to the side of his face, most of which was hidden by his brunet hair.

It was as if you had an old-fashioned clocked that ticked loudly every second in the background. With Sam eyeing you both with wide, interested eyes with a mouth to match that you knew would spat gossips, James unmoving body beside yours, and your own brain having a countdown.

_Tick._

James let out the breath he was holding.

_Tock._

You sucked your bottom lip in anticipation.

_Tick._

Sam's eyes flickered from you to James.

_Tock._

James forcefully removed his arm from you and walked back in his room. He shut the door louder than he did in the morning.

_Tick._

You turned to Sam with a frown from the lost of contact and in confusion. He had his eyebrows up probably in the same reason as you. You faced away from him, all while trying to calm the storm happening inside you.

You were dismayed. Why were you dismayed? Did you like James as what Bucky said? Would you unintentionally kill him as he said? Or would you willingly help James kill him in the future? Did you even want Bucky gone? But what if it was the other way around? What if instead of Bucky, James was the one gone?

You groaned.

"You alright?"

 _Uh-oh._ You forgot Sam was with you.

You worked a smile. "Yup, I'm fine," You rubbed your scalp. "I'm a little sleepy, though. Night."

Sam narrowed his eyes. He didn't need to be a spy to know you were lying, and you were glad he didn't push you. Instead, he smiled like a brother would and lightly squeezed your shoulder.

"Good night," He said before marching to the elevator. He turned back to you. "You not coming?"

You shook your head. He shrugged before pushing the elevator button, sending one last look at you before coming in.

Once the elevator door closed, you ran back in front of James' room. You rapped on his door until you saw his emotionless face. Surprisingly, he pulled his door open, and you wasted no time going in. Everything after that was a blur.

Only when you sat on his bed and he knelt in front of you did everything became clear to you. You didn't even know why you went back to his room. 

"Barnes," He smirked to himself. "He really thought he could fight me? I've been in his body longer than he has. I was there when he refused to face his fears. He made me, us, face his fears like a child."

You gulped, playing with your fingers to ease the beating of your heart.

"He was and still is a coward. Even now when I told him not to touch what's mine; not to touch you, he still did. Do you know why you're here" James asked.

You shook your head.

James chuckled, but it wasn't because of joy. It was because of something _dark_. It was because of something _bitter_.

"Do you think he really wanted you? He planned all of this; he's using you. He knows you play a big part in my life the moment he knew about you. That's why I tried to hide you, but you always kept finding him," He looked at you deeply, and you didn't like how small he made you feel at that moment. "You were curious of him, of us. But do not worry. I'm not mad."

_Do not worry? Not mad? Fuck, with that speech, you make me want to shit myself in fear._

"He thought he could beat me? You're the reason I'm here. And he made a big mistake by keeping you with him when any of us can come out," Then, his face turned serious. "Don't believe anything he will say to you. He is manipulating the true story. He loves making himself look like the victim."

_Coming here is a really bad idea._

He stood up, marching towards the dresser. He changed into clothes that made you think that, for a second, he was... Bucky.

You immediately followed after him. "Where are you going? Why are you dressed like Bucky? What are you going to do?"

He stopped and glared at you briefly.

"An eye for an eye. He touched what is mine when I told him not to. I'm going to touch what is his when he told me not to."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I TOOK LIKE THREE WEEKS TO UPDATE! i had this random writer's block and i admit that i was procastinating a week week ago... Please bear with meeee... But can you please answer this question?
> 
> Bucky or James?
> 
> hehehe.
> 
> remember to spread love, not hate. I love y'all


	18. I Don't Wanna Go

"How did he even get out? Tony, I thought FRIDAY monitors his behavior twenty-four seven?" Steve ran his palm over his face.

You sat in the middle of Tony's room with the rest of the Avengers scattered around in their night clothes. Your chin was on the top of your knees as you watched them interact with each other.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Well, bad news for you, sport. Turns out your BFF's alter can hack into my system."

Natasha was sitting with her legs up on her chest and her knuckles pressed against her lips. "But why do it now? He could've done it months, years ago."

"He doesn't want us to know that he can," She continued. "He's saving it for an occasion like this."

Steve balled his fists. "For what? To get revenge on Bucky by hurting his girl?"

"James is a complex personality, Mister Rogers. Years of observation, yet we still can't know his motives," Vision cut in. "We don't know the length of his fascination with Miss Y/n. All we know is that he would go into such measures for her."

With that, Tony turned to you. "What is even going on between you two? You have an affair or somethin' that we should know of?"

You shook your head, holding out your right hand. "Nothing, I swear! All I know is that... He kinda likes me?"

"Yeah, kinda likes you. That's why he's willing to hurt, possibly kill, another because of you. I meant, what did you do to--," Tony swayed his index finger. "Attract him?"

"Nothing! I didn't do anything! He was talking to someone who stole my wallet then I unintentionally punched him, accidentally threw a rock on his head, he followed me to my apartment, my dog liked him, he stripped, I treated his wounds, he asked me out on a date," You said. 'That's it! I didn't do anything else."

"The soldier, he--" You turned to Natasha. "He doesn't care about anything. I know him longer than any of you, and I know things you don't know."

Tony, once again, rolled his eyes. "Well then, Romanoff. Entertain us."

"He only cares about--"

"He's not here."

A video of Sam and Wanda popped up into the thin air. Sam in his uniform, looking annoyed, and Wanda in her shirt and skirt with bags under her eyes.

"Any sign of him?" Steve asked, walking towards the video.

Wanda shook her head. "No, not a thing. Buck's girlfriend is untouched. Not any light is on. She's sleeping in her room."

" _He works like a ghost,_ " Natasha muttered under her breath.

_Not a single sign of his presence will be found._

" _Not even his shadow._ " She whispered.

You dug your nails on your skin.

_What is he doing? What does he want to do? Why is he doing this? Because of you?_

"I think we shouldn't bother Millie right now," Sam looked around the neighborhood. "Just have SHIELD agents outside her house. We'll explain tomorrow. I just wanna continue my sleep right now."

Tony closed his eyes and massaged his temples. "Go, go. Cap will call Fury and explain to him the situation."

Steve opened his mouth as if he wanted to object, but he closed it a moment later and nodded. "Go back and end the call. You two did good."

"Thanks, Cap." You heard before their video blanked.

Tony patted Steve's back. "Don't worry too much, capsicle. Your BFF will be back tomorrow morning."

Steve nodded, smiling a little. "Thank you, Tony," He squeezed Tony's hand. "Go and sleep before I tell on Pepper."

Tony faked a hurt look. "I thought you were on my side!"

Steve shrugged before exiting the room as Natasha and Vision followed behind him.

"You," Tony pointed at you. "We'll talk tomorrow, babysitter. For now, sleep."  
You meekly nodded, exiting the room as well.

You went back to your room and thought about what happened earlier.

_He stood up, marching towards the dresser. He changed into clothes that made you think that, for a second, he was... Bucky._

_You immediately followed after him. "Where are you going? Why are you dressed like Bucky? What are you going to do?"_

_He stopped and glared at you briefly._

_"An eye for an eye. He touched what is mine when I told him not to. I'm going to touch what is his when he told me not to." James grimly said._

_"Wha-- What are you going to do to her?" You stuttered. "Tell me, James, what will you do?"_

_James looked down at you, his face looked as if he was mocking you. "It's for me to know and you to never find out."_

Me to never find out? What the hell does that mean?

_You clung to his arm. "I won't let go of you if you don't tell me what you'll do and where you're going."_

_He forcefully yanked his arm back, making you let go momentarily before you locked your hands around him again._

_"Don't do it." You said against his arm. "Whatever you're going to do, don't do it."_

_"No," He answered. "Barnes needed to be taught a lesson. He should know by now that he wouldn't win."_

_You shook your head. "No. Why is everything like a competition to you both? Stop fighting. You are one--"_

_"Don't you dare say that we are one," James gritted his teeth. "We are not, and will never be one."_

_"Don't you have a conscience?" You cried. "Whatever you'll do will traumatize his innocent ex! She doesn't even know about you all!"_

_"More reason why I should do it."_

_"Come on, James! It's not like they tortured me here! Do I look like I'm torture to you? They give me food, shelter, and money." You reasoned._

_"No!"_

_"Then why?"_

_"Because you shouldn't be used!" Your eyes watered._

_"Not by me, not by him, not by anyone! I will kill anyone who dared do that to you. I will kill anyone who dared touch you, hurt you in ways they shouldn't." His voice broke._

_That did it to you._

_The dam inside your eyes broke._

_You were fighting alone on your own without your family, friends, anyone beside you. You managed fine. You thought you still could go onto your battles alone until him._

_James interested you. He made you desire a companion. He made you want your own knight in shining armor. You wanted to stand in your battles with someone beside you, to protect you, to hold you._

_But it was wrong. It was unfair. It was not going to work. He was a personality; an alter. He wasn't real. When Bucky got cured and got the broken pieces of his mind together, they would be gone. Nothing but a piece of memory. A bad to him, but a good to you._

_"I'm sorry." James apologized before pushing you toward his bathroom._

_You fought against his strength. You clawed and pinched him, but you didn't earn any reaction from him._

_"Let go of me!" You panicked when you realized you were inside the bathroom. "James, please!"_

_His lips formed a straight line. The twinkle in his eyes was shaking along with his hands and knees which threatened to crumble._

_The last thing you saw before the door closed was his stormy eyes._

You pulled at your hair, having an internal debate of logic and sentiment on your bed.

All of a sudden, your doorknob twisted. You perched up curiously.

_Maybe it's just Steve or Tony or Sam checking in on me._

You stalked barefoot towards the door. You stopped as the door opened to show you the sight you least expected to see.

It was James.

Your instinct was to step back, and you did.

His face was stern but there was a satisfied glint in his eyes that scared you. His hair was a mess, his clothes disheveled. He strutted to you, briefly forming when he noticed you were backing away from him before replacing it with a mask you knew well.

"Wha-- what did you to her?" Your voice was shaking. If it was because of fear, nervousness, or the thought that was currently hunting you right now, you did not know.

"Do you not trust me?" James asked.

_Do I trust him? With my safety, yes. To others? No._

In all the times you have known James, he was violent to others. And coming to you in a state like that? With messy hair and clothes? Who wouldn't think what you were thinking right now?

"Trust your trust in me," James said before removing his shoes and going straight to your bed.

_Trust my trust in him? What does he want to say? I swear to God if James doesn't stop speaking riddles, I will strangle him myself._

You quietly groaned before following after him. "What do you mean trust my trust in you?"

James gave no answer as he settled his self on your bed. He was on the left side of your bed and had his back turned to you.

"James!" You cried. "What did you do?"

You shook his shoulders. "What did you do? Tell me, James! Tell me!"

Maybe it was because of frustration. Maybe it was because he was exhausted.

James grabbed both of your wrists and locked it in his hand. He pushed you down with his free hand, pinning your wrists above your head. His face was hovering above yours, and you could faintly feel his breath on your skin. You couldn't help the small gasp which left your lips as you noticed the little to no distance between the two of you.

"It's maddening, isn't it?" James asked. "When I found you in bed with Barnes, what do you think I first thought? When I've been gone for weeks, months even only to know that he was seeking you and has you near him. I thought I was going insane."

He let go of your wrists as he backed away from you. "But I trust you. I won't ask, and I don't want to hear you say what happened during the time I wasn't there. I will only conceive what happened with my trust."

"And this time, I want you to be the one to think with your trust in me. Same to what I did." He said. 

"Okay," You miraculously found your voice. "I trust you. Go to sleep now. Rest, James."

James shook his head. "No, I don't want to sleep. Don't make me sleep. I don't want to go!"

You gently pushed him down to your bed, shushing his cries. "You've been through a lot, James. Rest."

He looked up at you tearfully as you brushed his locks with your fingers.

"Please," He sounded like he was close to crying and it broke your heart to million pieces. "I don't want to sleep."

He closed his eyes before taking a deep breath. You noticed his tears leaking from his eyes to the side of his face. Your eyes burned as you traced his tears away with your thumbs.

When he reopened his eyes, you saw the acceptance and defeat inside. You choked back a sob.

"Will you sleep with me?"

You knew you couldn't refuse a request like that, spoken with such care and longing. So you nodded before laying beside him.

He searched for your hand, holding and cuddling it on his chest as he laid on his side facing you. At that moment, he looked like a child. The desperate child who always begged you one way or another whenever you meet. This time, he asked for your trust and to sleep with him.

When he closed his eyes, so did you. There was a strong ache in your chest that you fought hard to ignore. His breath eventually even out, and that was when you finally let yourself cry. James was gone again for who knew how long.

___

You blinked as the morning light brightened up your room.

You inhaled a manly scent, and that was when you realized you still had James-- Bucky in your bed.

You slowly pulled away, praying to the big man up above that he would remain asleep. But Bucky was a light sleeper.

You stared like a deer caught in the headlights as he blinked the sleep away from his eyes and stared back at you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weyow, I'm back! This was pretty complicated to write because it involves the mc's feelings and thoughts about James. 
> 
> What are your thoughts on James? When will he come back? 
> 
> Don't be shy to drop your thoughts. I love reading it <3
> 
> Remember to spread love, not hate. I love y'all <3


	19. Still James

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thought i would abandon this fic? the very fic i spent like almost a week just developing the idea, characters, and their relation in this? nah, mehn.

You slowly pulled away, praying to the big man up above that he would remain asleep. But Bucky was a light sleeper.

You stared like a deer caught in the headlights as he blinked the sleep away from his eyes and stared back at you. Then, a smile slowly showed on his face. It only meant one thing. He was really--

"Bucky?" You asked in a croaky voice.

The smile on his face went away when you called his name. Your brows furrowed in confusion. What was his deal?

"I did it," Bucky muttered as he sat. He turned to you. "Barnes is not coming back. At least, not anytime soon."

It was like someone poured you a bucket of boiling hot water.

_It was still James._

_Oh, my God! It was still James!_

_____

You made countless scenarios in your head of what you would do in a situation like this. Where you were in an argument with any alter, or even Bucky himself.

You thought of how you should handle the situation. What words you should say, what to you would say to the team, literally anything.

But you didn't think that you two would argue for something like this.

"For the love of God," You ran your palms down your face in frustration. "Can you wear this tie?"

"No," James answered casually, looking down at his tuxedo.

"Why?" You were so close to groaning.   
He looked down at it, face blank but eyes showing a glint of disgust. "No, it doesn't suit me."

"It doesn't suit you? Wha-- Look," You took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves which are getting triggered by the man in front. "You don't exactly have a choice here. It's either you wear this or that." You pointed at the bow tie on top of the bed.

James looked as if he wanted to say something but you gave him an annoyed look which had him rolling his eyes in defeat. You momentarily faced away from him to let out your triumphant smile before turning to him with a stoic face.

You stalked to him as he stood still as he waited for you. You only stopped when you were close enough to properly tie his tie and for you to smell the manly musk with the intoxicating smell of the cologne you made him wear.

_Gods, if only all men smell like this._

"I don't want to go," James said.

"Well, too bad, buddy, 'cause we got no choice," You replied. "You either go or let Bucky go."

"No. He's not coming back."

You stopped for a second.

_Do you want Bucky to come back? Yes, he's the owner of the body. He has every right to come back. He has a life. He has friends. He should come back. But do you want James gone? Or even Jefferson, Jonathon, and even Becca? You wanted them all present, but Bucky wouldn't be able to live a full life if his alters were constantly present._

You tightened the tie in the collar. "So deal with it."

Then, you heard your name being called outside. It was nearly time to go to the conference.

"Let's go," You whispered, but before you could move away from James, he locked his hands around your wrist.

His touch burned and cooled your skin at the same time. You slightly shivered as a goosebump traveled from your wrist to your arm.

"Me," James said. "It's me. Choose me. Don't choose him, please."

It was like a big lump was in your throat. You wanted to let your thoughts go. You wanted to say it to him, but all you managed to do was a nod.

James smiled. He stepped away from you, his mouth moving as if he was saying something to himself but he was looking at you. You wanted to ask what he was saying but decided against it. If he really wanted to say something to you, he would have said it.

"Miss Y/n, Mister Barnes, your presence is requested in the meeting room. Mister Stark said to hurry the heck up 'cause the whole world isn't interested in waiting." The super AI cut in.

You could sense Tony's irritation from the way down seeing as Tony wasn't entirely fond of James.

"We better go then." You said as you lead the way out of the room.

___

"Be careful what words to use. They will always want to turn your words against you. They would do anything to destroy you."

"Hear that, Soldier? That's for you." Tony called out from across the table.

You winced as James balled both his fists, keeping the anger in. You looked around, catching Natasha's eyes. You sent a distressed look to her to which she responded with an understanding yet small and tight smile.

"Tony, that's enough."

You nearly sighed out loud in relief.

"I mean, I don't get it. He was their own enemy a few years back and they want him in each and every interview? No, I get it. They know what Barnes could do. They're just looking for the right time to have an excuse to make him rot in a cell." Tony continued despite the looks he got from everyone, except James, inside the room. And if Steve's look could amputate an arm, Tony's arm would not have a future by how hard he's glaring.

"That's enough," Steve cut in. "We'll distract them away from him."

"How?" Tony folded his arms. "You gotta sing that star-spangled song of yours? We both know that they will get to him one way or another."

"I don't know what your point is, Tony," Steve massaged his temples.

"My point is that James shouldn't come with us. Who knows what he would do?"

"We can't do that. We can't leave him with Y/n. The press is going to look for him." Natasha said.

Wanda nodded. "Yes, it would be suspicious."

"Tell them Bucky is sick!"

"They know about the super soldier serum, Tony. They're not going to believe it." You joined.

Sam, who was sitting beside you, quietly groaned.

"I hate it when Pepper's not here and Tony gets all bark and ready to bite," Sam muttered.

"Stage an attack." You all turned to James who suddenly talked.

"What?" Sam asked.

"You all should show up in separate cars, and have an agent tell you I'm compromised and wouldn't be able to make it when you're in the hall." James casually said.

Steve shot you a look, his brows slightly furrowing in worry. You knew what that look meant.

"I can do it," You told Steve. "I'll take care of James," You looked at the man who was carefully watching you. "I trust him."

Steve took a deep breath, nodded, then pulled up his captain voice. "Let's do James' plan."

You couldn't help but feel pride swell in your chest. You felt like a mother who just watched her child receive an award.

Everyone stood up, ready to go to the city hall. You sent a grin on James' way. He replied with a ghost smile.

Steve approached Tony. "I don't how you're both a genius and an idiot at the same time."

Tony rolled his eyes, smirking a little. "It's a talent of mine, cap."

You nodded at Natasha who gestured at Maria. "She will assist you both."

"Thank you," You said.

"Anything for you, kоролева." You squint at the nickname, but before you could ask what it meant, she walked away.

You brushed it off and stalked toward James who looked like a lost child in the middle of a crowd. You grinned evilly as a thought formed in your mind.

"What do you say we do something fun?"

___

"Seriously?"

You turned to James. "What?"

"This," James looked around. "Is what you meant by fun?"

You looked around. "There's nothing wrong here."

"There are so many people here. Children are screaming left and right. Plastics are literally everywhere. Not to mention that this is an open area. Any--"

You were standing on the tip of your toes as you put your hands on top of James' mouth. James took a step back, ready to pull your wrists away when he noticed your widened eyes flickering down and up to meet his. James looked down and met a pair of wide, blue eyes innocently peering behind his lashes.

James instantly faced you to ask for help; his brows are furrowed, jaw tensed, and mouth formed as if he wanted to let out a cry for help.

The boy pulled at his pant, still staring up at James.

James kept his gaze firm at your level, refusing to spare the boy one more glance. He watched as your face twisted into an amused one before twisting to its innocent form. He narrowed his eyes when you looked at him as if you weren't doing anything and shrugged.

James hands slightly shook as he subtly pointed to the boy blocking his and your way. You puckered your lips a bit before facing away from him. You knew that you were irritating him with your actions, but you were curious as to how he would handle the situation.

You thought you heard a growl but it must have been only the wind for it was quickly replaced by a high-pitched voice.

"Captain America's friend?" The boy's head was tilted as he looked up to James, patiently waiting for an answer.

"No--"

"Yes, he is," You glared at James before kneeling down beside the boy. "He is Bucky Barnes."

The boy only looked at you with twinkling eyes before directing his attention again to James. He was practically glowing as he exclaimed, "Really?"

You saw James send you a glare before kneeling down in front of the boy. "Yes, I am Bu-- _Bucky Barnes_."

You didn't know exactly how he felt right now. To not only mention a name he deeply loathed but also to act and live like the owner of that name.

"Does that mean you have a metal arm?" The boy lifted his right arm. "Like my hand?"

James lifted his left arm and flexed it so that the metal plates would shift. He watched the boy's reaction, who was watching the entire thing as if it was a Christmas film and not an instrument of many deaths throughout the years.

James felt his insides warmed.

"So cool!" The boy smiled. "You're my favorite avenger!"

James looked taken aback for seconds, his eyebrows shot up and his eyes as wide as saucers. He even had his head slightly thrown back, before he cleared his throat and forced a smile on his face.

_But why does he seemed upset-- oh. He wasn't what the boy thinks he is._

James stood up. "It was nice meeting you."

The boy seemed disappointed that James was cutting their meeting short, but he masked it with a smile. "Thank you, Bucky!"

Then, the boy ran off towards a woman whom you both assume was his mother.

James faced away from you. It was justifiable. You caused his pain.

"James," You called.

"This," James muttered. "This is the reason why I want him dead. All the things I endured; all the things I did, it all goes to him. In the end, I will still be the one who needs to hide. In the end, we will still be the one to make way for him when we were the one who suffered because of his cowardice."

James gripped your arms and pulled you in front of him, close enough to see the storm in his eyes begin again.

"Tell me. Tell me why you like that coward more than me! I saved you countless of times. You knew I would do anything for you." His voice was laced with so much pain and sadness which pulled at your heartstring.

You caused this. You only bring him pain.

"Unless, this is just a game," James grip on your arms tightened. "Tell me, Y/n, is this just a test?"

You pulled yourself away from his hands. When you did, you backed away from him. You saw his face twist into suspicion as if he was considering you an enemy.

"What?" You cried. "What test are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what test I'm talking about." James gritted his teeth.    
James was stalking towards you in a slow, predatory manner which got you anxious. You raised your hands. "I really don't know what you're talking about!"

"Then why don't you remember?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yow! i'm so sorry. i took like almost a month, or a month to update this fic. i've been writing chapter 19 for weeks but the progress was so slow that i started to doubt if i would even finish this fic by the end of the year. heavy things happened during the times that i didn't update, but the biggest was depression. normally, i would have one to none episode of depression a month but since june came, i've been depressed more often. i blame the one who triggers my depression but pointing fingers wouldn't do anything. i tried to explain myself to make our relationship work but my words won't reach unwilling ears. oh, and i don't have any romantic partners btw 
> 
> this chapter is one of those chapters that are just plain nonsense but we gotta have some nonsense in our lives, yeah?
> 
> spread love, not hate. try to understand and to listen and learn every perspective <3


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